Hi all. Sorry this is a little longer than I expected.
My DS is 4 in a month. We also have a DD 10 months at home.
Recently DS has started getting very angry and hitting, throwing things etc. often after I've said no to him about something. Sometimes he can be calmed down and is good at naming his feelings. For example the other day he told me he was angry and wanted to listen to quiet music, which did calm him down while I sat with him.
This morning though was another level. He was playing and DD crawled up and tried to take his toy. Before I could get her he had pushed her away and had started kicking out. I told him 'no' not to push, and removed her from the situation to diffuse.
My DS then suddenly started trashing the place, he was throwing everything off the sofa, cushions, folded clothes, toys etc. again, I told him not to, that I understand he is angry but not to throw things. He then got upset as he wanted a toy he'd found on the sofa and I said he could have it once he'd helped me tidy up the mess. I got on my knees to his level and explained throwing things isn't ok, even if you are angry. He then (to my horror) hit me in the face! He's never ever done that before. I said he couldn't have the toy for now as hitting is never ok.
I left the room and he came in after a few minutes very upset and said he was very sorry for throwing all the things on the floor and hitting me. He's calmly watching Cbeebies now after we had a cuddle.
Now, I know I didn't handle this situation very well. When I was growing up if I had hit or thrown things, I would have been smacked, I learnt that anger wasn't an 'ok' emotion to have - obviously I'd never do that to my DS but what I'm saying is, I don't know how this should be handled. I want DS to know it's ok to feel angry but not ok to hit etc . And I just don't know what to do or how to handle things. I'm wondering if it was triggered by jealousy of his sister? He is very loving towards her (99% of the time). But obviously he still might feel jealous.
He also was up for at least an hour in the night as DD was very unsettled and crying everytime I put her in her cot, so it was up and down all night and a long night for all. He's tired and is often more angry when tired. On top of that he has had a virus recently too, so still recovering but is back in nursery now.
Just help! What am I doing wrong? What could I be doing better?