Cod
Helpful?
Make a big fuss of ds if he comes to you claiming he's been hit or hurt. Give him an extra biscuit, an extra bedtime story, let him sit and watch tv to make up for it. You want to put out the message 'hurt and upset children get lots of love and cuddles and treats.' Your dd should soon twig this isn't what she wants - she might get to hit him once (if she is hitting him - some 4 year olds can bump into a wall and are convinced they've been shoved) but if that means he gets 10minutes of tv, well, she can decide if it's worth it.
It can be a big mistake to interfere in sibling disputes - generally I believe in letting them get on with it and work it out themselves. However when one child is getting hurt consistently, it's another matter. If you do catch her, you need to come down on her like a ton of bricks. Whatever her punishment is, do not make ds a part of it - eg, he can have your sweets. I'm a big believer if the punishment fitting the crime, personally, but also whatever works.
As long as this phase is going on, you need to keep them apart as much as is possible. Try to make sure one is within eyeshot, keep one upstairs and one downstairs. Move dining chairs around so they aren't within kicking distance of each other. Tell them not to look at each other if necessary. This all sounds a bit draconian, I know, but I have dealt with this sort of thing before, and this is what I did. I even had 2 children eating back to back at one point to avoid the face pulling. What did I get? "I'm pulling a face at him even though he's behind me." "Well I'm doing the same to you!" Cue two children gurning their way through lunch. You can't win....
I think it might be worth having a talk with dd and ask her why ds keeps saying she has hurt him, and how sad you are that he is saying this, and how proud you would be if she were always nice to him. Say you'd be very disappointed in her if she was hurting him all the time. Tell her you know she's a lovely girl and you can't understand why he would think she's hit him, what does she think? In other words, use guilt! And when they are playing nicely, or even if she's leaving him alone, make sure you make a fuss of her good behaviour too.
Sorry, lots of rambling. The other thing is, is this something new? OR have they always clashed? I'd keep an eye out if it's something new - are you sure dd isn't get pushed around a bit herself, maybe at school? Or is there something else going on, and she's taking her frustrations out on ds?
ANd now I've just read Twiglett's post - who put all the above into a few lines. Dear God I do waffle on......