To Three or not to Three...that is the question!.......

[MelbourneMum]

My dh and I have been talking about a third child (we have two lovely ds's almost 3 and almost 5) on and off for about a year, changing our mind with each conversation. I would say we are 75% no, for practical and very valid reasons,all the usual practical concerns plus I had pnd with ds2 which frightens me....
But there is this lingering feeling for both of us that we would also really love another child and we just can't seem to decide either way. We've agreed to leave it until the end of this year (I will be 36 by then) but I can't see us really being any clearer then and its just driving me to distraction. I just would love to feel clear either way on this and wondered if and how any other mums of 2 or 3 made this decision??

Hi MelbourneMum.

I have 3. We were the same as you and your dh after our second child - always felt undecided. I had mild pnd (undiagnosed) with ds1 and felt like I needed another "go" at pregnancy, birth and babies iyswim.

I adore ds2. He is the love of my life. I believe everyone needs a third child to truly enjoy being a mum. I worried senselessly with my first, tried to correct my mistakes with my second and cherished my third (including the sleepless nights as you KNOW they don't last forever).

Having said that I have found 3 very hard. I only have two hands so it leaves someone spare. There is not a lot of 1 to 1 time for each of them (feel awful about this). Money on a day to day basis does not really matter but the frivolous things do. A silly little toy in their Christmas stocking is okay x 2 but turns expensive x 3.

I guess you need to think about the unfinished feeling. I was absolutely certain the moment I knew I was pg with ds2 that I didn't want anymore. dh had the snip within months of him being born. He is 4 now and every now and again I get a longing feeling. I think the feeling comes with the idea that I won't have a baby again and that part of my life is over - not because I really want another baby.

hth

Funny you should ask this question. When we had dd2, small though she is, I thought no more, no way. She is now 8myhs and every day I think maybe more. I was trying to justify it the other day, and after haveing met you and Wilbs, I kind of thought, well they look happy having two !

Little did I know. One question though, when you have had number 3 do you start to feel the same way about a number 4

oh gosh I hope not!!!

How you getting on, you leave Friday don't you? It was so lovely to meet you and we'll be looking forward to having you back later in the year!!

mymama thanks for your lovely response. I know I would be absolutely certain with number three as well that that would be it, oh its such a hard one!

We leave friday for Singapore and the back to UK on monday, . we have really enjoyed it but looking forward to getting back and sorting stuff out to come back in Sept.

I also really enjoyed meeting you and your boys and will invite you round for a cuppa on our return.

Also enjoy your trip. I think you will realise why you came back !!

lulalullabye - I knew all through the pregancy that I didn't want a fourth. When ds2 was born I gave all my girl stuff away and as he grew out of his baby clothes and toys I gave them away.

He had severe food allergies to dairy, wheat, egg and peanuts (outgrown now thank goodness) which I guess was a factor in definitely not wanting a fourth.

A little wistful now when I see pregnant women and newborn babies, but as I said in my earlier post, I think it is realising that part of my life is over iyswim.