Should I have a routine?

[Mummydearesttolouells]

Hi ladies
DD is 4.5 months. Am I meant to have a routine in place by now?
I sort of just go by whatever she wants as it’s always changing. Bed times are pretty similar times and we have a routine - bath every other night, chill in dim room with story time, bottle, cuddle, bed.
mornings again aren’t regimented but pretty similar wake times - usually wakes about 5am, into the big bed with mummy until 7-8am, then wake up, bit of play time, bottle, get dressed for the day, and by then she’ll be showing tired signs so I’ll put her in the sling or get my walking shoes on and get out for the day.
i watch wake windows and sleepy cues, sometimes she fights naps and ends up a bit over tired, other times (like if I’m walking) she’s out for the count. Days where I have to be out the house and don’t have time to rock her in the sling, she’ll refuse to nap - so she will refuse to nap in the car seat and then once I’m at my destination she’ll need some stimulating and then will be happy to be rocked down - but at this point she could of been up for hours.
I did try with a routine but her sleep is all based on how she feels - sometimes I get her down for a nap and she sleeps for 20 mins and then obviously that means I can’t then keep her up for ages just to meet the time of another nap. Other times she’ll fight her sleep all morning and then needs a couple of hours sleep to make up for it.
i really do just follow her lead at the minute, she has quite bad reflux so sometimes she can struggle to go down if she’s in discomfort which obviously then leads to over tiredness.

my friends DD is a couple of weeks older but has a full nap routine that she sticks to without a hitch, but my DD literally just does what she wants when she wants. I know everyone’s going to say oh she’s a baby don’t be silly but honestly she knows what she wants and if I try to do something that she doesn’t like she’ll kick up a fuss.

am I doing something wrong or just in general being too soft lol?… or am I worrying about a routine too soon? Or maybe too late …. I don’t know.. z help!

Take a breath! You do whatever works for you and your family, your friend can do whatever suits her.

I'm an event manager, I blooming LOVE a schedule. My kids were in a routine super early and it worked for all of us. In fact it worked better for my son, my daughter has more of an independent streak. But as she was the second baby it worked well that she was less rigid than the first. One of my best mates on the other hand can't think of anything worse than having a timer in her mind for naps and feeds etc, she completely went by babies cues. Baby fell asleep when she was tired, ate when hungry, there was no routine whatsoever.

Both of our older kids are in reception now and they're happy, healthy 4/5 year olds. We still have slightly varying routines in terms of mealtimes and bedtimes but they're both totally fine, in fact absolutely amazing kids.

It's completely fine what you're doing. You sound like you're doing a fantastic job and baby is loved and cared for by someone who's taking the time to notice what she needs in the moment. She's lucky to have you.

4.5 months still feels a bit young to have a strict routine to be honest! I spend the first year panicking and logging every feed and nap to try and spot patterns etc but I wish I'd been more relaxed and followed baby's leads like you are doing!

A routine for bed is useful. What I mean by that is a sequence of events e.g. feed, change nappy, into pyjamas and sleeping bag, story/song and lights off. We did this even when cosleeping. We would then wait until they were asleep and sit up and turn the TV on.

But I've always hated the idea of strict scheduling. If I want to go out I to out, I've never been one for waiting for nap times for hours on end.

My LO had reflux. Caused by a milk allergy. As soon as I read your little one needed rocking to sleep at 4.5 months and couldn’t sleep in the car seat I knew it was reflux.

I honestly think you have a bigger problem than your routine. Unless you get to the cause of the reflux your baby won’t be able to sleep independently or comfortably.

I am assuming you have bouts of long awake times, excessive crying episodes, heavy breathing and a very restless night sleeper.

honestly, get the reflux sorted before it gets worse.

We never had a routine with either of mine . The first one basically slept in the car or pram and fitted in with my horses routine . The second one did the same but also had to fit in around a fairly long school run for the eldest as well as the horses .

DD is coming up to 13.5 (years) and still no routine. Life is good though.

I think you're doing brilliantly. In my experience, the only important routine, and that is even debatable, is the bedtime routine. I think it's good to get them used to nighttime sleep vs daytime sleep. If you and your baby are happy and thriving, keep doing what you're doing.

Thank you ladies for your replies. That’s a weight off my shoulders then as really felt quite awful for not have something more concrete when it came to routine.

ill just keep doing what I’m doing then and hopefully one day it all falls into place!

@Aquamarine1029 & @Beansandneedles thank you so much for your kind words. Really appreciate it 🩷 xxx