Going back to work full time when baby 4 months old?

[YellowChick56]

Who has had to or made the choice to go back to work full time when baby was only 4/5months old?

How did you find it?

I don't have much choice in the matter financially but wondering how I'm going to cope. I know every baby and everyone is different but would be nice to hear other peoples experiences?

I went back when DD2 was 2 months old. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it! Mat leave and pay was rubbish, I was the higher earner so far no choice. I knew from getting pregnant that I’d only be off a short while, but DD was 2 weeks overdue which didn’t help.

I did it. I had no choice. It was tough, particularly the first couple of weeks, but once the baby had settled with child minder we got into a routine. It was fine. It was worth it as the mortgage is now paid off, and life, for all of us is far more secure and flexible

My mum went back to work when my little sister was 5 weeks old! She has always spoken about how hard it was but the mortgage rates had shot up and they needed the extra income.
They couldn't afford child care so my dad worked 8-4 and then my mum worked 5-9 as a nurse so she did still a lot of time with her.
She went back to work when I was 4 months which she found easier.

Friends in the US have routinely returned after 12 weeks, and managed fine. I also went back from maternity leave early by choice, though I think it was seven months. I knew my childcare was rock solid and high quality, which made a real difference. As did the fact that DS would do things for his childminder he would never do for me!

I went back at 6 months. It was horrendous to start with because she still wasn't sleeping well and then got sick constantly (and I mean constantly) for 3-4 months due to starting nursery. But to be fair, that happens whenever you start them. It was hard work but I don't regret it. By the time she was 2 my career was firmly back on track and I'd had a promotion, and another since. She is well adjusted, loves nursery and we have a great bond. You just have to knuckle down and muddle through, and keep telling yourself it will get better! 12-16 week mat leave is routine in loads of countries. It's perfectly doable :)

I have read in other countries like the US they go back a lot earlier than we do in the UK. I am thinking 4.5 months will be hard but we have good childcare in place and we will try to be organised until we get used to a good routine.

Like you say babies get ill whatever age they start nursery so I'm prepared for the onslaught of colds and other bugs.

I think I do envy SAHM's but then on the other hand i will be pleased to still have my own career when baby goes to school in the future.

I remember talking to my friend in Florida she had a daughter when I was on mat leave and spoke about how lucky she was as she got 12 weeks leave as she had been able to save up her annual leave.

As I said my mum had 5 weeks off with my sister and that was because in the early 90s the NHS only gave you 6 weeks paid maternity leave and my my sister was a week over due

I made the decision put my daughter in to nursery early (9months) as I was unwell with pnd and needed some space to work on my mood. In hindsight I should have done it sooner. There's so many different scenarios playing out in every home in the land. We all have our own unique sets of circumstances to juggle. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and work for the best solution for the situation in hand and hope it all comes out ok at the end of the day.

In most countries globally, women get a lot less than a year's leave. My friend in Paris has gone back to work after three months each time and coped because that's how much leave you get in France. The whole of the US, women are lucky if they get 12 weeks,and many have to take less, and they overwhelmingly have to go back FT as well.

Get good childcare in place and you'll manage.

I went back at 5.5 months as husband was made redundant the day before she was due. It was okay as baby went to grandparents 3 days and DH and I worked 4 days each. It was manageable as we both WFH due to COVID but got much harder when she started nursery at 10 months.

She was sick and sent home for a year and it definitely impacted both our work. This time I'm going back after 10 months and I feel like I benefited from the extra time with her. What's the childcare situation for you?

It was totally normal in the U.K. until not that long ago. I returned when dc 1 was 3 months old and it was the same among all my mum friends who returned to work. That was all the paid ML available around 30 years ago.

Physically it's a lot harder, particularly if breastfeeding as I was, and of course the baby is less likely to be sleeping through the night.

But I'd say the big plus is that for the baby, you won't get the separation anxiety that kicks in when older. Some of my younger colleagues have really gone through the mill trying to settle their children into childcare for the first time when they're 10-12 months old. It's taken quite a while for the child to settle, whereas with a 3 month old it was absolutely fine

We have 3 days in childcare 7.30-5.45 and then my partner will do the other 2 days as his work is more flexible being self employed and he can work a day on the weekend instead.

I think tiredness when/if baby goes into sleep regression might be our biggest hurdle but then I guess that is true at any stage until they start sleeping through regularly. We plan to get into a similar routine at least a few weeks before the start of nursery. We also have settling in days so maybe a trial run will be useful.

In an ideal world I would take longer and go back part time but then it's just not viable currently.

It's reassuring to hear a lot of women go back to work at a similar time. I know it won't be easy but each week at a time

Yes I did and it was horrendous. One of my biggest regrets. I should have taken sick leave to get more time off. I had to cut short breastfeeding and came out in a rash everywhere due to hormone changes or stress or both. I cried loads in work and did not cope well. I got run down. I would advise taking longer if you can at all afford it.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope you're doing ok now.

We don't really have a choice unfortunately. Partner doesn't have such a stable income as I do so it's our only option.

I'm not BF luckily and it was the reason of work etc.

Sounds like it will be a rough ride for us to begin with. Small steps x

Well obviously it largely depends on who is going to be looking after the baby.

If you are the baby's father and the birth mother is going to be looking after her or him full time and they are all set up for doing so, you probably don't get too stressed about going back to work full time after 4 months.

Likewise if the sexes are reversed. Or if you are in a same sex couple and one of the couple is happy to stay home.

If you are outsourcing child care, then a lot depends on what that child care is and how much you trust it/them.

@YellowChick56 your choice of course whether to bf but just to say, you can continue bf after returning to work. I bf until ds was over a year after returning at 3 months.

Oh it was 25 years ago now!!!! But it was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had so when I saw your thread I had to chip in , sorry to be so negative. I had lots of support and went part time after baby number 2 but still went back too early.. 4 months again. I wish I had been kinder to myself and not pushed myself so hard.

If you have to, you have to so it's not going to be easy hearing other people say it's awful. Those are v long days though for a baby that age. I'd try and see if you can do a later drop off and pick up if your husband is self employed and can catch up on work later. We did 10-4 for a year.

This time the settling has been much harder so I do agree with a previous poster that the anxiety kicks in more later. I also think it's vanishingly small chance they'll be sleeping through for quite some time. Mine doesn't and her sister didn't till 18 months and that quickly went to shit when we toilet trained her.

I think have relative low expectations of yourself. You'll feel guilty at home and at work most likely. Outsource whatever you can like cleaning and online grocery orders but if you're tight on money that may not be possible. Alternate the nights with hubby as she's formula fed from the sound of it. Whoever does the night gets the lie in. Good luck.

Not me but friends wife went back after 12 weeks with both her DC, as that’s all they could afford. She was fine and the DC were fine, they were looked after by family until they were about 1 I think.

Rachida Dati, who was French Justice Minister, went back 5 days after a c-section!

It depends a bit on your job doesn't it. I couldn't have done mine on a couple of hours sleep as I wouldn't have been functioning. But if it's more a case of just turning up and doing a bit here and there it's more doable on low sleep.

I would have lost my job if I'd been trying to do it when my child was small (they really struggled with sleep until 3)

If it's well paid maybe consider a night nanny.

I physically couldn't have managed it that early on tbh.

Ah yes if you have a supportive wider family network that will make a huge difference too.

We didn't and I think if someone could have taken the baby to let me sleep that would have been quite different.

Yes I had to go back when my twins were about 20 weeks

No choice - I was the much higher main earner by x3 and only got full pay maternity for 20 weeks.

It was hard but because I always knew that would happen I was prepared as much as I could be emotionally - my ex husband always had relatively low paid jobs - I knew what was getting into financially when we married

Has your child been born or are you just being prepared? If child not here yet then bare in mind you may not have fully recovered from birth by then depending on what happens and any mental health issues you may develop

Hi! I didn't take 4/5 months for my first but in all honesty I wish I had taken less - probably around 6. I was definitely ready to go back to work at that time (and I had a c-section!). I struggle with my mental health and work helps me keep the dark thoughts at bay. Happy mum = happy baby and all that!

I am very fortunate however in that both myself and my husband are primary caregivers and work together as a team to care for our 2 little boys, it doesn't just all fall to me as mummy!

A few things that helped us that may help you!

• Bottle feeding - either expressed milk or formula. This meant both my husband and I could share the load with feeds and our two boys are equally comforted by both parents.

• Night shifts - we split the night between us, so my husband does the 8-1 shift, and I do the 1-7 shift. When we are 'off shift' we sleep in another room, that way, we are both getting at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which really helps. I then manage to get sleep in 1.5/2 hour chunks when I am on shift until 7am.

We don't just view childcare as my role and equally work together as a team to look after our boys and do all housework etc. We don't have any family nearby so this teamwork is key for us and may help you too!

I hope that helps!

Also, I second the PP re other countries having much shorter maternity leaves and this being normal.

An American friend of mine was thrilled to get 4 months of paid leave when she moved to Europe!

Also in the UK, paid maternity leave was 6 months until around 2007 I believe, and in the late noughties it was 4 months. So the tradition of taking a year is a fairly recent thing I believe!

We all did it twenty years ago. It was normal then. Only one or two friends took a year off.
It probably feels weird now because it's normalised to take a year off and most mothers expect to.
It wasn't easy but financially most people had no choice and everyone survived. Kids are unscathed by the experience.