Who would you have to look after DC of something happened to you?

[ReadyToRoll321]

I was saying to DH that we should probably write a will at some point, just incase, God forbid something happened to us both. I honestly can’t think what to put down for who to take DS should something happened to both me and DH.
My mum takes DS twice and week for childcare and they adore each other, but there is obviously a big age gap, and it would be understandably hard for my mum to have him full time
I have a brother but he isn’t married or have kids and he honestly wouldn’t have a clue what to do
Anyone else in a similar position? And who have you put?

Sadly my DH died when my youngest was 15, thankfully my eldest DD was 26, and we spoke and agreed if the worst happened she'd have a home with her. It was my worst fear she'd be left an orphan before adulthood.
I don't have parents or in laws.

We put the grandparents down in our will, with a preference for one set and a backup option of the other set. We talked to them about it before naming them. Planning to change it to someone of our generation when the kids are both over 5 as the grandparents will be getting on. It will be one of our siblings - possibly the child free couple as they have stability and time to look after the kids. They chose not to have children so might prefer not to, in which case I know my sibling would step up but their parenting is rather different to ours!

With our first on the way this is something DH and I need to discuss. I'd imagine one of our siblings, assuming they'd agree. He's got two slightly older siblings each with their own kids and a younger without, I've got a younger without (but married, stable home, planning to have their own at some point).

Probably sil. Which is shit because she lives in a city and my kids are country bumpkins. But my sis, who is also a country bumpkin wouldn’t cope financially with 2 extra kids!

I still don't know. I don't have a good relationship with most in my family other than my dad who is based abroad so not really a suitable choice. My husband's parents are in their 80's. We asked one set of super good friends but they're adamant they don't want more children and couldn't accept. Feels like a big thing to not have sorted out but I genuinely have no idea where to turn.

We have their uncle down, its unlikely to happen, but he knows them well, babysits, has the funds to raise two children etc.

My SIL for our 3 yo. We're older parents so our parents are too old now (mine early/mid 70s, my husband's early 80s). She's 52 with two adult children of her own and still working in a high-pressured job, but would take care of our daughter if the worst were to happen.
However, there is 13 and 10 years between my sons and daughter (half-siblings) so they know we would always give our blessing for them to have her if they wanted to and we're of an appropriate age.

I don't know and it really worries me. Other than my mum who wouldn't be able to care for my young dc on her own, there's literally nobody. No siblings, in laws, extended family on either side. A few close friends but none I can envisage agreeing to take on two kids. It actually scares me if I think about it too much. People with big families and support networks are so lucky.

One of my closest friends is in a similar position and she has one of other very close (and local) friends named. The children are all around the same age and have grown up together. My brother and I have a reciprocal arrangement for our children (who are similar ages).

When we did ours the advisor said kids aren’t possessions and so you can’t actually ‘give’ them to anyone. What you do is appoint a guardian who is responsible for them, but this doesn’t mean they have to live with that person.
We’ve specified my dad and DHs dad as the executors of the will and Guardian of DC, they can then make the calls about where they live etc. we’ve indicated our preferences in the will, but should something happen who knows what peoples lives will be like - but we trust our dads to make the best decisions in whatever scenario they’re faced with.

its always been my sister. My sister would raise my child like she was her own. However, dd is now in her mid-teens and moving would be very disruptive to her studies and her friendships. The answer is less clear and I’ve been wondering if we need to change things.

We have local family, but none of them are great choices. The obvious choice would be my BIL who has a wife and several children, but I don’t think my ASD, LGBT teenager is a good match for their religious household. The next best choice would be the grandparents who are nearly 80.

basically, I never really worried when she was young, but now the stakes seem higher than ever. Im just hoping nothing happens until she is ready to move for university. At that point my sister becomes a viable option again, not as guardian, but as support and a place to call home.

unless your parents are particularly young, I would probably choose your brother. He will figure it out.

No one mine would go into care as their father is not involved and wouldn’t want them if anything happened to me

When we were young we left the DC to my parents and the will was set up so that my parents had access to our money so they could afford to look after the children. DS and DiL named my single daughter as she’s a fabulous auntie. Some people have long term friends who would be prepared to take the children on.

We have two extremely good and trusted friends, slightly younger than us, also
with young DC names on ours. We also have plenty of life insurance etc which would pay for their upbringing.

Makes me feel a bit better that I’m not the only one struggling to decide and not got it sorted! Obviously I hope nothing does happen to us until DS is old enough to fend for himself but there is certainly no guarantees in life

We have life insurance that will pay off the mortgage and leave a very healthy sum of money which my parents would have access to. £250,000 each taken out in our late 20s; despite DH losing both parents in their 40s to cancer it is only £9 for me and £16 for him per month. Plus death in service etc. Luckily my parents are only in their very early 60s.

They would be there to "project manage" the kids' lives and look after their emotional wellbeing, not do the day to day cleaning and laundry which could be outsourced.

They would move in here with DC, though they only live 2 miles away.

PanadTe, that's what life insurance is for - make sure you have some!

Our children are grown, but we are named guardians of our D's children. We are in our early 60's so it would be do-able if the unforeseen happened.

When our children were small it was a tough decision. My family including siblings is on the other side of the country (canada), so it would have been a huge upheaval for children that lost their parents to move across the country.
We did have DH's brother here and wife, but my kids weren't very close to them, plus they already had 3 kids in a small house. But we knew BIL and SIL loved them and would do the best for them, so we named them guardians, but left provisions in the will to for the kids to travel to visit my family once a year in the summer.

We still tease our 30 year old son that he will have to go live with Aunty A if anything happens to us....

My sister or my best friend as a backup x

If she's willing, my sister would have my kids. She's got two of her own, earns well, and DH's parents would also contribute towards their living costs. Failing that, DH's parents would have them.

My children are adults now but we did go away when the youngest was a toddler. I wrote on a bit of paper who was the person we wanted to look after the kids .closest I got to a Will ..back in 2003 😂

I’d also suggest thinking about how the person would bring up your DS and whether you feel that you can really rely on them to take good care of him.

I say this, because my DH is from a large family so we initially asked two couples (siblings and their spouses) to be potential guardians if the worst happened. Several years later, however, one of them failed to seek medical attention after a serious accident (and their spouse didn’t encourage them to either) and they nearly died. It made us realize that although they’re nice, they really lack common sense and we can’t entrust our children to their care. I know that sounds harsh but it was a truly shocking incident and we couldn’t risk our child being in that situation. They’ve since expressed some odd views on other subjects that have reinforced that they wouldn’t be the best guardians.

So, we asked another sibling instead and quietly updated our Wills. Definitely take our life insurance as well, it’s only fair to make some financial provision for your child’s upbringing.

We are older parents so our mothers are too old to cope. My DP would love his mother to have them but in reality she can barely cope for a day.

He sister doesn't want kids and it very selfish. She won't be interested barely sees them now.

I don't agree with my sisters way of parenting.

That really leaves my cousin. Childless but I think she'd step up. Not that we have done anything about it or discussed it with her.

My ex in theory, although I suspect it wouldn't work. Ds wouldn't be happy and the novelty would wear off for ex within about a month. My dsis & my niece are named as trustees and would take him in. He's nearly 16 and so I've only got to last another two years. Then at least he can decide for himself. I have plenty of family who love him & would rally round in an emergency. And he would inherit the house & pension so ok from a financial point of view.

The more immediate problem is I have a suspected ovarian dermoid that I'm having removed in two weeks and judging by how awful I feel, I'm not sure I'm going to make it. I'm scared I'm going to collapse in the street and won't be here to do school run. Ds has his phone and I know he'd work it out - friends etc - but feeling so ill, I'm feeling panicked all the time. DSis & dniece live three hours away. Mum guilt 🙁