Don't want to go back to work

[amamdaandmark]

I know I'm going to come across as pathetic writing this and I definitely expect to be told to get a grip but I'm in a bit of a pickle. I enjoy my job and am fortunate to work part time in a reasonably paid profession following the birth of my older daughter. I am coming to the end of my maternity leave and my son is not settling in to nursery at all. It's the same nursery my daughter went to and the ECPs are so lovely and I trust them, but he is just unhappy. He won't eat or drink there at all and just sits, not interacting much, which is VERY different from how he is in any situation in which I am present, even if it is a busy, noisy space. I can't afford to give up work without basically having to sell our house (normal size, nothing fancy). I would do it in a heartbeat but it seems unfair on my older child. He's only been there two weeks so I know there is potential for improvement but it's so upsetting to see the total transformation. Any advice? Anyone know a good lottery combo?!

Oh op I understand completely. the stress and worry is awful. It is very early days though and I’m wondering what they are doing to encourage him to settle in? Would a staff member ideally his key worker be in a position to do more one on one? I worked in a nursery many moons ago and this was what was done. It often took time but we never had anyone jump ship as they all came around with extra work. Little things like reading a favourite story. We also encouraged mums scarf sprayed with perfume as a comforter when they were struggling. There are many ways to bring a child around for sure. And maybe if things haven’t settled after a while revisit your options? I know how tough it is though. If it is nursery, would a childminder suit better with less kids? Selling up sounds like such a shame to do if you can avoid it!

Oh and it’s not at all pathetic it’s extremely common! So don’t worry about that at all! And keep in mind this stage of their life can feel like forever but it goes by so fast and they become independent over night almost!

Thanks so much. I thought about a childminder but it's a cosy nursery rather than part of a big chain, with small ratios and the staff are so good, they're really trying! Thank you for acknowledging how stressful it is! The scarf or equivalent idea is good. It's packed lunches too so it's not even a reaction to new foods!

How old is he? My daughter was like this, sat hunched in a corner, not interacting for the first couple of weeks. It took a while but she eventually settled in well and would rush in and not look back at me. Big hugs, it's so hard to leave them when they're so young. 💐

It's so hard but it's only been 2 weeks. I wouldn't be jumping to extreme decisions like moving house. Give it some time, and speak to the nursery about what can be done.

It’s such early days, it’ll get better, he’ll adjust, he’ll get older and grow and make friends and bond with the adults. It’s awful for you but it really will come together. Do not sell your house - this is a short lived period. Childminders are also fab but this setting sounds lovely so give it a while longer