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I feel bad

8 replies

genia · 02/12/2002 21:42

because I forcefully carried ds from one room (about 5 steps) to another against his wishes and kind of hurt his arms in the process. Whenever he doesn't want to be picked up he lifts his arms to the sky and goes all stiff and as a consequence it is difficult to lift him. It was about 7.30pm this evening and we were all tired, ds was in the hall fiddling with the buggy and I really wanted to be in the living room but didn't want to leave him unsupervised in the hall. I tried to lift him a couple of times unsuccessfully. Then I suddenly thought "I don't want to be in the hall" and just lifted him stiff arms and all. He moaned, partly because of doing something he didn't want to do and partly because it must have been uncomfortable round his armpits. As soon as I put him down I felt bad because he is only one and I could have just called him from the living room and seen if he came (though he didn't look as if he was going to budge).. but I didn't. While he is so little I am really conscious of trying not to do anything where I needlessly use my greater force over his to get him to do something simply for my own benefit (it's different in situations where they might hurt themselves etc...). It's difficult to manage all the time though, waiting for them to finish doing something or trying to persuade them to do something different...

OP posts:

Mo2 · 02/12/2002 21:50

Don't feel too bad - the fact that you've posted here means that you feel guilty and probably won't do it again! I know exactly what you mean - I've been known to drag DS1 away by the legs from something I didn't want him to touch (admittedly he was a bit older, and it usually ended up with us both collapsing & rolling around the floor giggling...).
My son used to do exactly the same 'stiff arm' routine - I used to end up picking him up and cradling him in my arms like a baby, or holding him like a battering ram/aeroplane and 'flying' him to whether I wanted him.... try to make it a game and he won't mind so much...
Long & short - don't be too hard on yourself on this occasion (unless of course he's now in A&E with dislocated shoulders? )


WideWebWitch · 02/12/2002 21:57

Honestly genia, don't feel bad! I'm sure he's OK and you needed to move him and you could have waited all night for him to come of his own accord. It doesn't sound to me as if you did anything terrible, you lifted your child up. As Mo2 says, unless you broke his arms, I wouldn't worry!


CP · 02/12/2002 21:58

Don't feel too bad, we all do things like this at some stage or another when things get a bit too much. As Mo2 says, as long as you did not end up in A&E it will probably not happen again. Her suggestion sounds great (aeroplane game) and I am sure you will handle it differently next time.


Lollypop · 02/12/2002 22:18

I think we all do things on the spur of the moment that we regret. Your not going to repeat it and he's OK so put it down to experience.


SoupDragon · 02/12/2002 22:19

DS1 and 2 used to do the lifting arms thing. I bet any screaming was indignation, not pain. I tended to get them up like this and then tuck them under my arm with my arm round their middle. Lots of indignant screaming but no uncomfortable armpits

Gripping round the hands and wrists and bouncing them off the floor used to work too - kind of like the aeroplane game.


sobernow · 02/12/2002 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnoobyKat · 03/12/2002 06:36

Genia, you're not alone. Don't worry. DS (14 months) does the same stiff arm routine if he doesn't want to do something. Sonetimes I think people think I'm torturing him trying to get him back in his buggy! They're tougher than you think they are. Don't beat yourself up - just try to go for the safest grip you can (which I confess is not easy). I go for the full body slamdunk personally ;-) i.e. one arm around chest over one shoulder and under the other armpit. One arm between legs with hand on flat of stomach. A little "Dracula" tickling and screams usually dissolve into giggles. Would love to try the aeroplane thing but the little s*d is too heavy!


genia · 03/12/2002 09:28

Thank you everybody for your messages and also tips on alternate lifting methods! It is truly great to be able to post concerns / share ideas on this board and know that they will be heard by people facing the same things...

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