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Original poster

Feeling bad about giving baby dummy

18 replies

Strawberry06 · 04/03/2024 21:41

My son is just under 2 weeks old and to be honest he's a really good baby, sleeps most the day without any issues.

However, at night, after a feed, it can sometimes take up to 2 hours to settle him. He's bottle fed and after he's finished he looks 'milk drunk' but as soon as you start to rock him etc he just fights it and wants to bite his hands with the occasional screaming. So we finally caved and gave him a dummy tonight which he's really enjoying and it's settled him right away but I feel really bad about it. Like he's a problem child and the dummy is to 'shut him up' so to speak. I know it's typical newborn behaviour and I just feel useless about giving him a dummy.

OP posts:

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Bethebest · 04/03/2024 21:45

Please don’t feel useless or bad! You have given your baby what they need to gain comfort at this time. It doesn’t have to be forever. I did the same at about the same age and took it away at 16 weeks with no issues or difficulties whatsoever. He was just that bit older and more easily soothed.

there is also a lot of research on dummies being protective against SIDS.

take care, you are doing great x

richardhoymanwantshisknickersback · 04/03/2024 21:49

You've done what works for your baby, and it's a known way to reduce the risk of SIDS. You have not done anything wrong at all. Mummy guilt is huge and especially during those early months, nobody is harsher on us than ourselves. You sound like you're doing very well and looking after your little one, dummies are perfectly fine and they're good.

Funderthighs · 04/03/2024 21:51

It’s not to shut him up, it’s for comfort. No need for guilt.

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NoelJo · 04/03/2024 21:51

Yes as PP have said dummies reduce the risk of SIDS. Absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

Scaffoldingisugly · 04/03/2024 21:53

Only those who give a dummy to a dc who is 4+ should feel bad imo...

tunainatin · 04/03/2024 21:55

Dummies are not bad as long as you don't use them for too long when they can interfere with speech. My first baby was a 'sucky' baby, once he had a dummy he was much more settled and not trying to chew the blanket/babygro/his fist. He's now one of those teenagers that sucks on their hoody strings 🙄

Inyourwildestdreams · 04/03/2024 21:55

Congratulations on your lovely boy @Strawberry06 😊

As others have said, there’s no reason to guilty at all. But welcome to the world of mum guilt 😅

I hope DS has a more settled night tonight and you get some well deserved sleep 😊 the newborn stage is tough!

GingerSquid · 04/03/2024 21:56

I was told by my health visitor that sucking on a dummy can help reflux etc after a feed it worked really well for my first. I don’t get all the dummy shame / guilt … they have been around for yonks, for a reason. Both mine gave them up easily at 4-5 months; but I also have friends whose kids have had them much longer and they have no speech or dental issues etc

DillDanding · 04/03/2024 22:00

Believe me, I am the world’s biggest snob about dummies. I never in a million years though a baby of mine would have one. But my youngest wanted to comfort suck, and when he was 6 months, I gave him a dummy.

It was such a comfort to him.

He had it until he was 2.5, and by that stage he was only allowed it for bed and never outside the house! I still never shook off my feelings about them, and a photo of him with one doesn’t exist! 😂 But they definitely have a place.

Original poster

Strawberry06 · 04/03/2024 22:02

Thanks all I feel a bit better about it. But yes Mum Guilt is definitely a thing!

And now as I should be trying to get my sleep, I can't help but watch his little face as he looks so peaceful!

Assuming it's safe for them to fall asleep sucking them? If he spits it out in the night but then wants it again can I reuse it or do I need to use a fresh one?

OP posts:

sophi1995 · 04/03/2024 22:06

Like he's a problem child and the dummy is to 'shut him up' so to speak.

He's 2 weeks old, he's not a problem child.

My eldest never took a dummy but my newborn loves it. It's great because it's much easier to settle him when he stirs at night, they were both breastfed so I was advised not to introduce one too soon but caused zero problems with feeds. Honestly I think it's an odd thing to feel guilty about or to judge anyone else for.

SErunner · 04/03/2024 22:06

It's fine to just reuse if it's been in the cot/basket with him. Similar to a pp, prior to having a child I was such a dummy snob, would never have thoughts I'd have given one. Some babies are just 'suckers'. It it works for them and you, try not to worry. Our daughter still has hers at night at 2.5. Her speech is amazing and her teeth are fine. We're going to get rid in the next few months but to be honest, I'm not in a hurry. She sleeps well, we sleep well, c'est la vie!

FizzyFlamingo · 04/03/2024 22:06

Don't feel guilty at all. It's a way of soothing and comforting them at this age. Some babies have a really strong sucking reflex and the dummy really helps. We reluctantly caved and gave my DD a dummy when she was a week old as nothing was settling her. We popped the dummy in and her eyes rolled to the back of her head, she relaxed and fell asleep! We never looked back after that and the dummy stayed 😄. She's 2.5 now and no issues with her speech as we made sure as she got older she only had the dummy at night. With DS we decided to give him a dummy from day 1 and he's not as bothered and doesn't need it like DD did. I think some babies just need to suck more than others.

I don't worry at all if the dummy falls out in the cot - it gets popped straight back in. You'll be sterilising every hour if you use a clean one every time. I used to worry a lot about making sure dummies were sterile but second time around I'm definitely much more lax about it all

SparklyOwls · 04/03/2024 22:07

I think the issue here is you're rocking him after a feed... He's had milk and has tried milk drunk look, have you just put him straight down without rocking?

My son HATED to be rocked, it would stimulate and annoy him. He just wanted to be put down to sleep without the rocking about.

donteatthedaisies0 · 04/03/2024 22:07

Don't feel bad some babies are the type that they get comfort from sucking . Prince Louis is a thumb sucker . So if it's not the dummy it's a thumb .

AdoraBell · 04/03/2024 22:10

Both you and the baby need sleep. If he settles with a dummy then that works. You are doing nothing wrong.

mentalbandwidth · 04/03/2024 22:13

OP please don't let the mum guilt shame you, DD is a sucky baby and I never thought I would be a mum that gives a soothie. It helps massively with reflux and also reduces SIDS risk too 💖

pbdr · 04/03/2024 22:17

At the same age I was struggling with mum guilt and anxiety because my daughter wouldn't accept a dummy, and I was aware of the potential SIDS risk reduction they can confer. Postpartum mum guilt is intense, it'll always find something to latch on to. There are lots of great benefits of dummies, I bought several types trying to find one my girl liked, but it didn't work out for us.

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