DS aged 4 - school concerned about some behaviours

[xxholr5xx]

Hi

So our eldest DS is 4 and has been in a Welsh speaking nursery class since September. Had parents evening tonight and concerns that both the teacher and ourselves came to a conclusion is that although he is exceptional quick at learning and remembers everything, there are some areas he struggles with.

DS has an obsession with knowing the order of his day, school is now going to work with us in creating him a timeline for home as he becomes distressed that I am unable to tell him the order of his morning at school.

DS really struggles with experiences which are new to him. The other day they had their Eisteddfodau in the school hall and he had to be pulled out of there as it became too overwhelming for him. Sometimes he will begin spinning around or becomes in his own little world where even having his name shouted 4 times he doesn’t respond.

Finally and most biggest concern is that he struggles socialising. He enjoys being around other children and wants to play with them but struggles with social cues and interaction. Eg if someone knocks his tower down or trips him up accidentally, after a few minutes he feels like he needs to get payback eg, push them. Sometimes he pushes because he’s eager to be first to get or do something and then the others push him. He gets sad when other children hurt him but he doesn’t understand their responses. He also smacks objects if he gets hurt by them eg, the baby gate catching his foot.

The teacher is going to do some observations and social stories with him to try and overcome this but she has recommended speaking to the health visitor in case of any intervention support needed. Also one of our younger sons (2) has significant additional needs and sensory difficulties which have already been diagnosed so not sure if this is something along the lines with DS.

Anyone else had any problems like this or any types of support we can do to help DS?

TIA xx

It sounds as though he needs an assessment for ASD.

He sounds lovely, I hope things get easier for him.

I agree, I think he needs an autism assessment. Nursery seems to be doing the right things. The Welsh system is different to England, but it would be good to see them brining in a speech and language therapist for some advice.

It's so tempting to try and do the armchair diagnosis thing but I think it would be sensible to speak to a professional. One of my DC was noise sensitive (didn't like fireworks), didn't want to be hugged by other children, didn't like change, needed to know the plan for the day, was slow to speak and to write and was diagnosed much later with ADHD. Never boisterous or 'hyperactive' and actually very quiet and sensitive.

However, many little boys in particular exhibit some of these behaviours without any 'diagnosis' and some will be on the autistic spectrum. It would be wise to do exactly what you are doing; putting things in place that address the obvious things he struggles with (like understanding his timetable for the day) and then speaking to your GP or HV to get some further guidance.

Try not to worry as he is only little but go with your instincts and try and support him as he grows. Good luck x

Yes absolutely typical of ASD - I'm guessing that's what your youngest has been diagnosed with too. Mine was diagnosed at 10.

I have to say as someone who suffers with Autism I’m finding it increasingly frustrating with people that soooo quick to suggest children require an assessment for what could be very normal behaviour for a four year old going through a phase.

Monitor him along with the school, that’s all that is needed for now. You’ve not said anywhere near enough for a strong suggestion of ASD. Try not to worry, this could all be very typical, normal behaviour for some four year olds.

Thank you, he has done speech and language (Covid baby) and was discharged as can speak both Welsh and English. His tenses and sentence structure in English are a little mixed up but that can happen when speaking two languages.

I think because he can cope in many situations eg soft play, swimming, football classes, days out of the zoo, to most people he seems absolutely fine. He also has a best friend (my friends little lad) and they play ‘mostly’ well together.

Our other son (who is also a twin) hasn't been diagnosed with ASD as he has too many developmental delays to be able to make a decision on anything so for now he has that diagnosis with us attempting to go to a panel for 1:1 funding for him to help him for now. Our other twin is just your usual daredevil lively toddler 😂

You might find this research useful about summer born children, in particular boys being over diagnosed with SEN in primary school https://www.lse.ac.uk/News/Latest-news-from-LSE/2021/f-June-21/Summer-born-children-unfairly-labelled-as-having-special-educational-needs

Thank you but DS is a January baby. Part of the reason why we want to try help him now as once he gets into reception class, intervention will be longer in being given

I'd ask the school senco to observe hi

I am also likely autistic (I am not keen on the terminology ‘suffer’), my children are autistic and also most of my siblings. I think the sooner that concerns are acted on, the better chance that a child has on getting support they may need and experiencing the poor mental health that often comes with being autistic.

I also work in the area and see many teens out of school/suicidal. Family say they they thought their child was always autistic or ADHD - they may say ‘different’ - but this was never identified and things unravelled for their dc. In this instance, OP also has a sibling with additional needs. I don’t think looking towards an assessment is jumping the gun at all.