Biting, pushing, shoving

[Sweetischocolate]

On a weekly basis my DSs pre school is telling me about some sort of aggressive behaviour our 3 YO is engaging in. I'm really unsure of how to tackle this. He is an only child so we don't see much of this at home but when he is challenging or not doing as he is told, I get him to look at me and firmly tell him that he mustn't behave this way. He often smiles or starts reciting something from a TV programme or book completely off topic in response. DH keeps suggesting things like a naughty step/time out but this doesn't sit right with me.

Really open to ideas on how to get through this and show him that this behaviour is not acceptable.

I definitely need a chat with preschool about this - they talk a bit about saying 'safe hands' to him but I don't really know if they've explained this to him or if it's effective. Yes absolutely, funnily enough we've had a really nice evening. I told him there would be no TV as a consequence of his behaviour today which while on reflection wasn't perhaps the right course of action, it's been a lovely hour in which he's played nicely and been calm.

Safe hands is pretty meaningless for a 3 year old. It’s like ‘being good’ or ‘being kind’. It’s not very specific about what those things actually mean.

For most things I would do once nicely, once firmly and then issue the consequence. If he’s quite compliant you probably won’t need to get beyond the firmly which is fine for this age.

For anything violent - hitting, shoving, pushing, biting, pinching etc. I would go with a zero tolerance policy. A firm ‘no, you do not….’ and then remove from the situation. Doesn’t necessarily need to be going home the first time if you are out. Just sit him aside for a bit and then he can go back and play. If he’s doing it a lot on a trip out I would take him home. Whatever the trigger, if he’s hitting a lot he’s probably overwhelmed and needs to leave anyway.

This sort of behaviour is fairly typical for this age. He’s learning social skills and might not yet have the language to express what he actually needs/wants. Don’t get into the mindset of thinking he’s naughty. He’s just immature because he’s 3. If you are consistent and model good behaviour around social skills and sharing etc he will get there.