Hate in laws being around baby

[Mummydearesttolouells]

Hi ladies
I know I sound horrid but I hate my in laws being around my DD. She’s still young and they all have kids so there’s 10 kids in total (11 with my DD).
they let their kids run amock and they all prod and poke my DD. I’m constantly on edge.
none of them listen to me - I ask them not to let her stand (she’s 4.5 months and they let her bear weight on her legs and I always ask them not too because it can damage her hips but they don’t listen), they fling her around like she’s a dolly and they never give her back to me when she’s crying I have to physically lift her from their arms because even if I ask them to give her back they don’t.
they’re nice in the sense that they buy her lots of things and they’re half decent people, I’m just not that close to them so I don’t feel comfortable when they’re around her. I always dread seeing them; theres so many of them it’s always so hectic. I give my DP an earache whenever we’re on our way I’m always going on don’t let them do this and if this happens take her off them etc. I know it upsets DP because they’re his family and he’s so chilled he doesn’t care what they do to her. But like I say I’m just not close to them so I don’t have the same trust in them - I’ve been in the family for 8 years and always made effort but I’ve always been kept at arms length so have only ever seen them a handful of times (MIL didn’t text me once during my pregnancy to check in and only saw me when we accounted it and then again at the baby shower).
I know DD is part of the family whether I like it or not but I just really can’t chill out when they’re around. I’m like a nervous wreck. Not like it with anyone else but I honestly give myself a headache when I’m there, I’m just always thinking when is it time to leave or please need a bottle so I can take you off them and have you back to myself.
seeing them tomorrow so I’m getting all worked up now. She’s my first and she’s so precious to me and I just hate that they don’t listen and they’re so blarze (however you spell that lol) around her.
I know I must sound like a right b*tch.
How do I just chill out round them? I want to do that for DD & DP sake, as well as my own….

It sounds like a lovely big, bustling family to be part of.

Presumably you trust your DH? He's a good father? You trust his judgement? If he's relaxed about them then you need to try to feel the same way.

If you’ve only seen them a handful of times presumably this only happens occasionally.

She’s part of the family so try and see it coming with those benefits. If they hold her in a way you don’t want then get up and show them how to do it the way you do want.

Beyond that, it sounds like you are a bit anxious, so see your Gp about that if needed.

Whether you're close to them or not, they are the babies family, your partner's family. If I was you I'd make an effort to become close to them because they're family and not going to disappear.
If they really are too rough with your baby, then of course you and your partner need to intervene each time it happens. I'm sure they'll eventually get the message.

OP

The baby is not just yours but OH's as well.
People behave differently. Have you told your OH and tell him to tell them?

We are all different and most people love new babies in their family.

Often its easier not to like the -inlaws and their family

YABU

It sounds like they are just more relaxed with babies and don’t treat them like they are made of glass. Letting her put weight in her legs is fine and totally normal unless you have been advised medically not to do that if she has some kind of hip issue?

I think it’s tricky when you aren’t used to it but unless they are actually doing anything to harm her then I personally would just grin and bare it, when she is a bit bigger she will probably really enjoy being part of big family meet ups.

If she is crying then I would just firmly say x needs her mum now and take her back after a minute or so if they don’t pass her back but again I wouldn’t mind them trying to settle her themselves first(obviously different if she is hungry or needs changing).

Yes they sound like a big bustling family just like mine however we don't all want hustle and bustle in our lives .Some of us like a calming atmosphere around our children.Its nice to be part of a lovng large family however it doesn't mean that we all have the same ideas when raising our children.
I have grandchildren and love them all however I am there to love support and advice not take over.

You’ve just got to match their vibe and be as bold and blasé about saying no, and diving in, and protecting your baby from the cavalier hurly burly of their family life.

They may be on the 11th grandkid but you’re now a mum - be confident and don’t stand for any nonsense you’re not happy about. No need to be emotional or arsy, just matter of fact and taking charge for the sake of your baby.

Thanks for the replies ladies …
to be honest most of what’s been said is true - they are more relaxed around babies and they are a nice big close family. I’m just not used to it, I do find it all too much, and I am very precious about DD.
it is true that they’re her family and DP’s family so I do need to learn to live with them. I think once DD is a bit older and less fragile in my eyes I might be a bit more relaxed.
@Screamingabdabz you hit the nail on the head with your reply. I do need to match their energy and just be as bold as them. Once of the kids hit DD in the face with a toy (he’s 8 so knew what he was doing) and DD started crying. I told him off and then took DD back from MIL to settle and said that I need a minute with her. Usually I’d of made DP do all the talking but your advice is what I needed to hear!
funnily enough, being a bit more outspoken actually made me enjoy seeing them yesterday.