8 week old.. struggling going out around naps and feeding

[ThatPeachHedgehog]

Hello, I have an 8 week old and I'm just struggling to be relaxed with going out with him and working it around feeds and naps. I try to go on a walk daily, I time it for just after a feed but that's still quite sporadic so I can't plan anything like going for lunch or dinner with a friend and I'm still nervous to feed in public as I have to do more of a laid back feeding position and make sure he gets a deep latch. I have one of those feeding aprons but that doesn't help with my anxiety around it. I also don't know how to go out around his naps as he's started to fight sleep more now and gets overtired, so I'm feeling a bit housebound to make sure that when he naps we are quiet at home. I so desperately want to enjoy this time but I'm just feeling like it's all so hard and relentless. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, some advice or maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for reading if you got this far x I also have an appointment with the mental health team next week to hopefully help with the anxiety aspect.

Well done for prioritizing getting outside! My advice would be to just fit it in whenever you can, whether it's after a feed or not. 8 week olds are unpredictable, but odds are if you've fed recently they will probably nod off in the pram. Try and walk quickly: I found the vigorous motion really helped.

I hated my feeding apron. It was very disobedient! You can get something like a loose, wide cowl that you wear like a scarf and then arrange as a cover as required. I got on better with that, but it takes some practice as there's not a lot of material around it.

In a month or two your baby will have changed so much and will probably be much more predictable in terms of feeds. Then you can start thinking about meeting friends for lunch.

This was similar to the one I used https://www.debenhams.com/product/boohoo-maternity-nursing-shawl_gzz83231?colour=grey+marl&sv1=affiliate&sv_campaign_id=323889&awc=22735_1709457969_fc9b24b87011594a1b9ed3ce666ec21d&utm_medium=affiliates&utm_source=awin&utm_campaign=UK_323889&utm_content=Comparison+Shopping+Service+%28CSS%29

When DC1 was this age, I remember it took me three days to get to the postbox 2 minutes away as there never seemed to be a good moment between feeds/naps/nappy changes to leave the house. Then, when DC2 came along, DC1 had to be at nursery for 9am every morning and then she did a couple of activities every afternoon and so we had to get to those on time and DC2 just had to fit in around it.
So, sometimes, you just have to go for it regardless of whether it's a "perfect" moment. But I also have complete sympathy for why it seems so tough.

Practice feeding sitting up in front of a mirror so you can see how much people actually can see, so if you do need to feed in a restaurant or somewhere, you'll know it is pretty discreet. I always struggled with this as I have big boobs that are hard to conceal so I usually just took the car wherever I was going so I could feed in the car before we went anywhere else. And could go back to the car if I had to!

Baby wearing was also something I learned quite quickly with my second as I wasn't able to just stay at home all the time. He was so settled in the sling, it really made my life so easy once I got the hang of it!

For naps I found pram naps were the way to go. Just put DD in pram if i wanted to go out and she fell asleep when she needed a nap. She would even nap in a noisy cafe or pub while I had lunch with friends. It was much easier then compared to now when she is a toddler and needs a decent nap in her cot to avoid grumpiness. I never mastered breastfeeding out and about and eventually switched from combo feeding to formula only but we did have a lot of difficulties with tongue tie etc. I’m sure it will get easier as both you and baby get more practice.

to make sure that when he naps we are quiet at home.

There’s your issue. Young babies are portable. Make use of it. I exclusively expressed when breastfeeding didn’t work for us, so I don’t know what to suggest about public feeding.

Far better for baby to be able to sleep with background noise than need a completely dark, silent room to sleep. Believe me.

There's no need to be at home for every nap. We used to do mornings out and DD would nap in the pram or the sling. Depending on your set up, if she fell asleep in the pram and we were heading home, I'd park her on the patio and let her carry on sleeping whilst I had a cup of tea sat near the window. She slept better in the fresh air and it gave me a break. But we had side access to patio and a gate that could be locked so it was safe.

Feeding, I found it easier to practice at toddler groups - we started going to one most weekdays from four weeks old (I had severe PND and wasn't coping being at home all the time). Informal atmosphere, lots of other mums around who've been there and done that so nobody bats an eyelid so it's really supportive. That then gave me the confidence to feed in
cafes and on benches etc.

I never bothered with a cover, the baby's head blocks the view of anything! BFing tops are useful for this too.

Are there any BF groups near you where you can go and practice feeding in public? You’re only going to get more confident at this the more you do it. I didn’t like covers for BF as I couldn’t see what was going on, so I found wearing a vest under a top and using the ‘one up one down’ approach more helpful and pretty discreet. You can’t possibly get home for every nap at this age - the beauty is in the freedom which comes with your baby’s portability! My baby rarely slept in the pram, but she slept in a sling round city markets, art galleries, in cafes, wherever I wanted to go. We also did car naps.

For feeding out and about I found the covers just got in the way and annoyed me. I much preferred to wear tops that I could feed in easily. So either proper breastfeeding tops (I had one with zips) or wear a loose top over a stretchy vest top. Vest top pulls down, loose top pulls up, very little is exposed. It is daunting at first. Maybe tell your friend how you feel about it and can you sit in a corner or something so you are less exposed.

Baby needs to fit around you . Not you around baby. If you need /want to go out then you do. baby will nap/sleep where ever you are. Also its good if babys sleep in places that are a little noisy they will be better sleepers . Mine and now my grandson. Sleeps through tv , music, hoover , kids playing etc. You will making a rod for your owm back if you tiptoe around baby.

With the breast-feeding I can't advice as I did not care who saw me. But as someone above said practice sitting up at home and see how you go.

Don't isolate yourself 💐

Can you practice feeding at home in a way that isn’t laid back? Then you know you can feed on the go. Did you struggle with the latch at first?
A stretchy vest + baggy jumper is the best combo for keeping covered.
Naps in a sling or pram are the way forward whilst they’re so little and sleep loads. Any reason why you’re so sure they need to be home for naps?