MY HOUSE MY RULES! - How do you get this off the ground without offending anyone?

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I don't want to be a total killjoy but I want to implement certain rules for playdates at my house.

• stay out my bedroom
• take shoes off if jumping on your own beds
• do not jump on bed in attic
• do not pick the flowers in my garden
• do not scatter the sand from the sandpit all over the garden
• do not do it with the soil either
• say please and thankyou

That's about it really. I don't think I'm being too unreasonable but just wondering if anyone else has laid down the rules and were you met with any withering glances or what

I have similar rules.

Only one person has raised eyebrows. That person's child has no boundaries anyway. The rest of our visitors are very happy to comply.

It's your house, not a soft play centre. You do what you want.

There are certainly rules in my house:

shoes off indoors

no throwing of balls except in the hall

careful with the fish tanks

no scattering of soil and sand

I find as long as I am laughing and relaxed and confident, it's not at all difficult to get children to feel happy about complying.

For that reason, I'd be a bit more wary about laying down rules about what they say to me, as that is personal and I might end up getting grouchy
(particularly as I'm foreign, so my ideas of the polite way to address someone might be utterly strange to them and their parents and hardly fair to impose)

Message withdrawn

kids generally arrive without pre-concieved ideas and so you don't have to stand on the doorstep and issue a list. Your own kids know the rules so are unlikely to start any of the things you mention - and will soon quite readily say - 'we can't do that'.
I just say 'not in my room please' - or 'sorry , I need you to stop that, that isn't ok here' and that is it.
I think if a child started questioning why it wasn't allowed that would probably be the last visit anyway - so it would only happen the once

you don't have to be a warder - just stop them and divert them if they do something not allowed.

5 year old DD and friends get it absoloutely. 14 year old DS only needs occasional reminding

I have the house rules typed up and framed in the cloakroom where playdates will hang their coats when they first come in. It's quite fancy and colourful so most kids ask waht it is, then I quickly go through it.

They are usually interested and certainly never give withering glances.

Sometimes I'll just remind DS of the house rules in front of the other kids, as in "remember not to go in my room when playing". The other children alweays seem to understand, even if they have different rules at home, and stick to them.

Even adult visitors take note of the house rules and follow them now!

any childwho has been particularly tiresome has not been invited back

i don't care if other people's kids say please or thank you, thats between them and their parents imo.

aside from that-its your house, your rules. can't see why there'd be problems.

It's the raised eyebrows from the parents that's what worries me. I know I shouldn't be bothered. If the kids come on their own I don't have a problem, but it's when the parents are there too. Am I then encroaching on their parenting by stating the rules or should I just carry on regardless.

It's not encrouching on their parenting. Your house, your rules. I don't think a good decent person would raise their eyebrows at you making it clear what acceptable and not in your own house. And if they do, it's their problem.

Your house, your rules.

I'd like other people's kids and other people to say please and thank you to me.

No - sod their parents. your house !!
If I go somewhere else and the children have to , say, have any drinks at the table then that is fine. That is how they do things in their house ( and also why they don't replace the sofa and carpets as often as we do).
It is just manners and social rules. Kids need to understand different behaviours are acceptable/unacceptable in different situations and contexts.
The parents should be grateful they are invited and if they can't adapt to other people rules then they too will find social outings increasingly limited

You'll fall at the first post if you're worried about offending anyone. As a parent I am most relaxed in houses where the rules are clear and the parents are authorititive. These are also the houses I'm happiest for my children to go to. The only people you will offend will be the hippy-dippy-free-spirits-whose-children-are-not naughty-they're-indigo.

as a nanny i regulary have to do this...

the rules my charges have are the rules there frinds have to abide by... end of..

and even IF the friedns mums are present i do not hesitate to say "No.... in X and Ys house we dont do 'that' and stop them . take whatever it is away"

I figure that while im present i am looking after my bosses house... and the rules they set for their chidlren are the rules that will apply to all children...

i also know that if any of the mums moaned to my bosses "your nanny wouldnt let my child eat her cake in the hall" (on example i had) my boss would not hestitate to reply "In MY house we dont eat cakes in the hall etc" and back me all the way.

it sounds reasonable, I'm afraid I have got too pissed off with bed-jumping so it is now BANNED generally

I don't mind what they scatter in the garden though - it shuts them up for ages and I hate barking at them when they are playing outside - it's usually nothing that a quick run-over with the mower won't fix. And a bit of sand is quite good for drainage...

Some great posts here - thanks. I will just start as I mean to go on.