Etiquette of inviting other kids over

[Mummobile]

I feel a little awkward about how to go
about this.

My daughters is turning 5 and I have arranged a birthday tea party at home with her cousins. She has asked that 2 of her closest friends at school also come along and I’m looking for advice on how to go about this.

I feel awkward about a few things - there’s 20 in her class and leaving other children out isn’t nice. We have a small home, but I think we’d manage with 2 extras (plus a parent). What makes me feel a little awkward as well, is that I’ve never met any of the other parents at school, I don’t know them and they don’t know me. My daughter talks about these two friends often and as she has asked, I’d like to invite them for the tea party and games at our home, but again, not sure what the etiquette is on this , especially as I don’t even know the parents and vice versa.

I imagine I’d have to write a note and give it to my daughter to give to her friends at school? I’m not sure how to write that it’s very small and just at home etc. I know this isn’t the norm these days.

Thoughts on how to go about this?

Inviting two out of 20 is fine, it's leaving out one or two that causes upset.

As PP, 2/20 is fine. 18/20 would be an issue

I'd just buy a pack of invitations, and write on that it's a tea party and games and include your home address. Pass them on to the teacher and they'll make sure they go in the bag of each child.

Just be mindful that a parent for each will probably stay, I've got a 5yo and they've not been left anywhere yet.

Agree - you’re selecting your main friends instead of inviting the whole class except a few. I was the kid who was excluded (only POC in my class) so I know how that feels. So my advice would be just don’t do that ever

Well you wouldn’t invite 20 to your house would you 🤦‍♀️😂 haven’t you heard of
play dates before? It’s literally just inviting the kids your children play with that’s very much the norm!

Eh? Whole class parties are really common. We had 30+ at home numerous times.

My DD is at the nursery of a private prep school (small classe sizes) - we were invited to a party at a friend's house. The parents had just invited the girls - I think maybe 5 in total and we just played some games and had some food and left with party bags. Very low key and lovely. Don't stress OP. That's perfectly fine. Parents won't talk about who is/isn't invited. As PPs have said, better to invite only a couple than half or the majority of the class.

I appreciate that you’re seeing the humour in this. I posted from a genuine place of what the etiquette is with something like this. We’ve moved home/counties 3 times in the last 2 years, and prior to that was Covid. Whilst my daughter had newborn/baby play dates, I’ve never arranged anything with school friends before, as I simply don’t know anyone, no one else has approached us…. and when I say “norm” - I mean the “norm” tends to be soft plays, bouncy castles and halls for birthdays.

It’s totally fine to just invite 2. You see a lot of whole class parties but realistically that’s not every kid in the class, lots have nothing or something very small. If there’s a class whatsapp then get the parents numbers from thst and text them. If not you might be able to get your dc to point them out in the playground in which case go and say hi…

Not at peoples houses 😊 this is different. No one invites a whole class to their home.

@TheMushroomFamily what utter rot. Whole class parties at home are really common. We had lots of them - our biggest was 42 kids. In our house. We've also had smaller ones like the one OP is planning. Depends on the kid and what else you've got going on.

Do you do the school run?
If you don't want to buy a whole pack of invitations just get two small cards or even better get DD to draw the picture on the front and inside write the invite like below and hand to the parents. Some schools wont give out invitations unless they are going to the whole class so it's trickier if you don't do the school run.

To X
Mini mummobile would like to invite you to a Teddy Bears Picnic to celebrate her 5 th birthday please bring your favourite soft toy
Time
Date
Address
RSVP date
Contact number

I think that’s bull tbh never heard known of a whole class party at anyone’s house and I have 4 children! 😂 so sure!

I’ve literally never heard of a whole class party at home. But I live in a place with normal sized houses.

OP, inviting a few is absolutely fine, as others have said the upset tends to be if only a couple aren’t invited. For DD’s birthday this year she invited 8 friends out of the class of 30.

That's madness 😂

It's really normal here! And we live in a normal 3bed house (although we do have a big garden).

Glad it’s not just me. Was trying to say to the op it’s not the norm to have a whole class party in your home and no one will be expecting it. I imagine most people wouldn’t want their home trashed by 30 kids! Definitely not normal and never known anyone to invite the whole class to their house.

I agree to buying 2 nice little cards.
Write in their that your DD would like to invite them to a small birthday tea party at your home
Time
Date
Address
Contact no
RSVP by :-
Parents more than welcome to stay for a drink and snack.

It's fine to just invite a handful (or 2) of kids and teachers are more than happy normally to pop it in their bags.

Of course they aren't the norm.
It's possible that you have done this, but it really isn't normal / common / usual.

OP of course it isn't a problem to invite 2 friends to a birthday tea party.