What do your days look like with older children and newborn?

[coffeeatsunrise]

Hi! After years of being OAD, my second child arrived a month ago and has shaken up our world. DS 6.5 is coping well with the transition but I feel bad about the impact his newborn sister has had on his life.

Could anyone tell me how your weekends looked with a newborn + older child(ren), children over 4, ideally. And how did they evolve now that your newborn is older? I feel happier staying home and venturing to the local countryside than going out any further afield, to museums or fun activities. We used to always be found in at least one coffee shop at the weekend too but I can't see the point of dragging us all there, worrying about crying + nap management, when I have nice coffee at home. Do you think it's okay to not be doing many outings with older DS at the moment? He's happy playing at home with us and his Lego etc.

And how your afternoons and evenings on week days look, post school pick up? With school age child + newborn. And how that changed as the newborn grew older?

I find the days go so much faster with this newborn than with my first, which is crazy and good. I find the inevitable newborn crying harder to manage with this baby because of DS, though (& almost wanting to protect DS from the crying if that makes sense). The crying seems to intensify in the late afternoon & into evening (standard witching hours).

I am unable to find much online about how families manage this when they have other children to look after. And dogs to walk in the late afternoon too. I know the most intense crying stage will pass before I can blink but just wondered if there are any pro-tips I haven't considered, about how to manage this early stage?

I have a very amazing OH who is brilliant and 100% shares the load with me, as much as possible with breast feeding. I want to make days and evenings run smoothly, like my old life haha. Is it just a matter of building a new routine?

Anyone?

Baby just tagged along with what the older kids wanted to do with the exception of activities like the cinema which needed more planning.

But how did you deal with the cryingggg? It puts me off doing anything.

I feel like it's the same whether you have a 2,4 or 6 year age gap.

I feel like it's somewhat easier with a larger age gap, at the same time harder as youre probably so used to having your sole focus on your first child but you can explain to them exactly what's happening and they'll understand.
If he does after school clubs, take the baby with you, put baby in the sling if you're out for bike rides etc.

What exact things so do you find hard, what activities did you do before that you find hard now?

I would definitely say if you haven't already to look at getting a sling. Give yourself grace while you are adjusting, if you feel happier at home then that's ok. Your older one isn't going to be adversely impacted by what is a short transitional phase of life. When you feel like been more adventurous, baby in a sling and off you go.

One thing to add: it's very normal for life to slow down for the first 3 months. The adjustment from 1-2 can be shocker no matter the age gap as all of a sudden you have to be able to split yourself which your cannot. Sending hugs, you've got this mama xx

Watching with interest - baby imminent with child the same age as you in tow! Sounds like you're smashing it anyway 🥰

My eldest was 7 when his brother came along.

The baby mostly tagged along tbh. The days I spent catching up on sleep when he slept. Then it was school pick up time and home, and then juggling reflux screaming baby and attention for my eldest. My husband was working away. I tried to get in a sleep routine asap so when baby was down I could then spend time with my older son before collapsing and prepping for night feeds.

Weekends I would hand over a lot of the feeds and wake ups to husband and between us we juggled football and parties etc.

Honestly? It's just a juggling act and finding a routine that works.
Things like walking the dog I did with baby straight after drop off in the morning.

Hug. Thank you so much for being so lovely <3
Slowing down and baby in sling. That's all I can really do for now.

I find the baby's crying hardest. She doesn't even cry that much. I anticipate that she will cry if we do something out of the home or drive somewhere and then don't want to risk doing the thing because the crying makes a stressy atmosphere. Or it makes meeee horribly stressy. She's just being a baby. My son doesn't seem to care about the crying. He can block it out which is a good thing

I'm wondering if Legoland will be too tricky with a baby + older child. Or going to a museum. We live way out of the city so train journey is 40 minutes + underground.

I worry about the school holidays too. And just how to do old life things. And can we do a restaurant with a baby + older child. I'm just not very good at being a parent of more than one.

I sooo admire the women who just DO it. Who just throw the baby on and go. There are mums at pick up who have 4 or 5 kids and they are thriving. Maybe I'll feel that eventually. 6 years is a long time to adapt to the simplicity of just one kid. I suppose it'll take time to get used to 2.

Thank you for your kindness. Short, transitional period. That's all this is. My boy will be okay and this big adjustment period will pass eventually to a new normal. <3

Congratulations! Lovely to hear from someone at very similar point. Not in a weird way but if you ever want to keep in touch and support each other through this weird change time when baby arrives (I don't know anyone in RL with this age gap), direct message me!). When are you due?

I hope the change goes well for you. School age kid makes things much easier in terms of time with baby! Figuring out the rest as I go. I'm not one of those mothers who loves the 'snuggly newborn' stage so, as sad as it is to say, I'm kind of wishing this time a way.

Sounds like you did amazingly during that time. It really is a juggling act. How are things now with your family? I can't wait to see how things evolve as my kids grow up.

Baby just tagged along, I also used to take the sling with me as well as the buggy. I will always remember the phase of my life when ds3 would have his witching hour as I was trying to cook tea for my elder two. I ended up cooking with him in a sling every day as it was the only way to calm him and keep everyone's ears from not hurting!

My eldeat was just about 4 and 6.5 when his siblings came along. one of them was a very cry-ey baby.

after straightforward births we were out and about doing things very quickly - we had passes to various things and so for example i went to the zoo with a dc2.

Eldest dc did have lots of special trips out with Daddy though as I was in the craziness of cluster feeding.

I think my second did a lot more crying than my first must have. I actually got those loop ear plugs to deaden the noise because sometimes it was all too much when out and about. The older one chattering away, the baby screaming 😂 I also used the sling a lot more round the house than I ever did with my first.
These initial and intense weeks do go by quickly though. Soon your baby will be four months old and they seem a bit more like people then!

Ps in spite of all the extra crying, my ds is now a toddler and is a happy little chap.

I’m about to have a third, eldest DC will be 6.5 and middle one 4.5yo. I would say, don’t overthink it, and try to get out locally, and then build up. Don’t let it become A Thing in your head.

I had a very adventurous first mat leave (we moved across the world for the year due to DH’s work) and now I see friends with one DC who seem overwhelmed by the thought of a day trip to London.

Also do accept it won’t be perfect every time, and don’t let that stop you trying other stuff. I met a mum friend in a gallery with DC2 aged 2-3mo. Her baby slept peacefully in the pram for 3hs. Mine yelled, ate, then vomited a full milk feed over me - I was drying my dress and underwear in the loo under a hand drier for half of our “play date” 😂 It happens!