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Run ragged 12 days postpartum

4 replies

Tootiredforthistoday · 01/03/2024 21:44

I’m interested to hear how much others were doing at 2 weeks postpartum.

This is my second baby, and I feel like I have been absolutely non stop from the moment I gave birth. I had a homebirth, no complications other than a 600ml haemorrhage and second degree tear.

Since the birth we have had appointments every day - at the hospital for baby’s check ups, midwife appointments at home, but also gas safety checks, plumbers coming out to give quotes for the landlord, dentists etc etc. I think we’ve had two days since we’ve had baby where we haven’t had appointments, and some days we’ve had 3 in a day. We’ve limited visitors to an extent but have seen baby’s grandparents etc.

This is my second baby, luckily my 2 year old is at nursery 4 days a week which does make life much easier. DP goes back to work next week, and I feel like I’ve missed out on that newborn bubble - of course it was going to be different the second time around with my eldest to look after, but I was hoping for a few hours a day while she was at nursery to cuddle/feed in bed, watch some rubbish tv, put my feet up a little bit and try to recover.

I haven’t had a single nap since she was born, am exclusively breastfeeding so doing all the night feeds - which is fine as I’d rather not express/am too lazy! I haven’t had a day in bed, and am trying to be as present for my toddler as I can so I’m getting her ready for nursery in the morning/playing with her when she gets home and doing her bedtime.

Baby is quite happy to sleep in the Moses basket between feeds, which is great, but there is just so much to do. The minute she’s happy I am running around doing washing/cleaning the kitchen/tidying. I’m not being fanatical about cleaning by any means, but the absolute basics seem to be taking up so much time. I feel like I’m either tidying, feeding baby, or entertaining toddler 24/7.

DP is older than me, and struggling a lot. He’s exhausted and has caught a virus, and has a trapped nerve which is causing him a lot of pain. He is great and very hands on with baby, has been doing nursery runs and all the cooking. However he’s got suspected ADHD and I think is overwhelmed by the house. He has a stressful job and works long hours so when he’s not on paternity leave I do 95% of the housework. I don’t think he “sees” what needs doing or where to start.

He goes back to work next week so there will be cooking and nursery runs to add in as well as looking after the little ones solo. I’m not sure if we’ll have anymore children and I feel so sad - like I’ve missed that newborn bubble with my baby and will never get it back. It feels like she’s growing up already and I’ve missed this time to enjoy her because it’s back to real life and running around now. I know I’m being silly because she’s not even two weeks old. I had my first during Covid and don’t remember having anywhere near this many appointments. I feel like I had so much more time to nap/have skin on skin/ snuggle her. I don’t feel like I’ve had chance to really bond with baby yet, or sit and look at her the way I did with my first. I’ve been trying to limit the time I spend with baby when my eldest is home so she doesn’t feel pushed out but then it’s been so busy when she’s at nursery I haven’t had much time for baby then either.

I feel exhausted, totally depleted, and am worried about how I’ll cope when DP goes back to work, though part of me thinks it will be easier when I can get in a steady routine and just worry about baby and I. The appointments should finally be calming down now we’ve been discharged from midwives etc.

I don’t know what I’m looking for in posting really - did anyone else feel this way? Did you manage to regain that feeling/ have some naps and cuddle days with baby? How long was it before you were back in your normal routine/doing as much in the house as before? I worry if I haven’t managed to rest and do that while DP is on paternity leave there’s no way I’ll manage it when he goes back to work :(

OP posts:
Lucy377 · 01/03/2024 21:54

Why is your DP exhausted?
I don't get that. He hasn't just had a baby who is breastfeeding.
Honestly. Does DP takes up a lot of household energy and your attention?
Maybe that's why you feel distracted from the baby.
DP could batch cook some stuff for the freezer.
Plan the dinners for the next couple of weeks. If DP can make you a sandwich each night/morning for lunch before he drops toddler, that would help. Because there's never time with a two week old.
If you have a flask he could make you a flask of tea.
DP can still empty the dishwasher at night too. And put on a wash after he comes home from work.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 01/03/2024 22:06

Sit down tomorrow with baby, send DH out with toddler and just sit. Sod everything else.

Tootiredforthistoday · 01/03/2024 22:17

Lucy377 · 01/03/2024 21:54

Why is your DP exhausted?
I don't get that. He hasn't just had a baby who is breastfeeding.
Honestly. Does DP takes up a lot of household energy and your attention?
Maybe that's why you feel distracted from the baby.
DP could batch cook some stuff for the freezer.
Plan the dinners for the next couple of weeks. If DP can make you a sandwich each night/morning for lunch before he drops toddler, that would help. Because there's never time with a two week old.
If you have a flask he could make you a flask of tea.
DP can still empty the dishwasher at night too. And put on a wash after he comes home from work.

I’m honestly not sure why he’s so exhausted - he was ill with a chest infection the week before I had her and was already run down from work. He does genuinely seem to be exhausted - falling asleep on the sofa at 8pm, can barely keep his eyes open etc. He’s also a very light sleeper and worries a lot about baby in the night, so I think he wakes up when we do for feeds and also throughout the night if she is snuffly etc. he will wake and check on her.

He can do sometimes - he’s brilliant in a lot of ways but has a tendency to hyper focus on a particular job and then everything else falls to the wayside - he may end up steam cleaning baby kit/deep cleaning the fridge/cooking something elaborate but then wouldn’t put the dishwasher on - or would load it but forget to switch it on. Equally he may put a wash on, but then never move it to the tumble dryer - or move it to the tumble dryer but then forget to switch the tumble dryer on. If I put the clean clothes in the lounge he’ll happily fold them - but they then tend to languish in the laundry basket on the landing until I put them away. I think he’s keen to spend as much time with baby and I as he can, and is more than happy to have some chilled days but we haven’t had the opportunity!

Thank you for the ideas re batch cooking and prepping sandwiches that is a great idea and I think he’d be happy to do that. He works from 9am until anywhere from 7-10pm depending on the day/workload. He does work from home so is around but it means he’s not able to be much help with the house - if I asked him to he would, but I feel bad asking him to start cleaning at 10pm when he’s been stuck in the home office all day and I’ve had 3 hours since little ones bedtime to get things sorted. I think I feel out of routine at the moment as I usually tidy downstairs after bedtime, but DP is too tired to do it by then and I end up not doing it either, so we start the day in chaos which I hate!

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Pinklilly · 01/03/2024 22:43

Hi @Tootiredforthistoday i have a 5 month old and a 2.5 year old. It really is different the second time I have to say! I can’t say I’ve had much of the newborn bubble I had with my first but I’ve also been a bit more relaxed because I know how much is to come!
my 2.5 year old goes to nursery 3 days in the week. So one thing I’ve done is a baby class with little one on those days as I find I can’t just concentrate on baby in the house as I’m always thinking of stuff to do!
the other thing is this time in naps I rest, have tea and watch some tv. Little one can be around me when I cook or clean (in bouncer or in carrier). My husband also dresses my 2.5 year old and gives her breakfast every day. I don’t have to get up earlier than baby needs me to. I pick up 2.5 year old from nursery so my quality time with her is in the evenings and the 2 days she isn’t at nursery.
batch cooking really helps us and I tend to do that. I also have easy meals on the days I have both kids or leftovers. So I’m never cooking when I have both of them.

2 is much harder than one I’ve found in terms of getting some mental space and a break. So you really have to consciously create time for you and baby to snuggle and time for you to relax!

congratulations on your little one!

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