Okay DD15 just came home and she's been drinking

[T0E]

I'm just after what people think the best thing to do here.
Dd does really well at school and she is generally a good kid.

She just came home after supposedly going to Nando's with a friend, she's slurring and looks a state, she said she hasn't been drinking but definitely has. She has gone to bed.

I'm not naive, I've done all the drugs and drinking from that age too.

Other add never drinks, age 18.

I'm worried who she was with and where she was drinking because she wasn't at Nando's!

Any wise words ?

Is she at risk of vomiting? How drunk did she seem?

Put her to bed and gently ask her in the morning when her hangover is at its most painful.

Talk to her in the morning.

Not wasted, not falling over just slurring and eyes closing. But I don't think she has ever drunk before, I'm also wondering if she took anything else now

Only that it’s normal.

My dad approached it the morning after by simply asking how much I had had to drink last night. I had the sense to just say ‘too much’. He agreed and that was that. I was more sensible in the future.

But then many went clubbing from 15, so it wasn’t totally unexpected in my area to have a drunk teen roll up once or twice.

Leave her till the morning, checking on her overnight if you think her state warrants that.

Then have a chat tomorrow. Try to be non judgemental and explain why she needs to be careful. Be clear about what you worry about with regards her safety. Getting cross with her now just stops her opening up to you.

Make sure she's in a sleeping position that is safe. My 15-year-old had a massive binge in the summer and she'd never drunk before. It was a worrying few hours.

I didn't get cross I just asked her not to lie when she said she hadn't been drinking and asked what she'd been drinking. I said I needed to know because I need to check she's safe. She just said I'm fine and went to bed

That sounds sensible thanks

Well you said it yourself - you used to do it. As did I and countless other people. I was drinking every Friday night from age 16 and getting into nightclubs, which is more difficult now. It's just part of growing up and will happen again. Just talk to her about it tomorrow, about safety etc.

Yes I found explaining why she was vulnerable when drinking etc worked better than being overbearing. Kids are gonna push the boundaries and realising they need to be safe and look out for each other makes this period easier I think. Also making them feel secure that you'll always help them or get them if they need you and call you for help and that you'll save the 'talk' for then next day when you can unpick what went on and decide if they were making good judgement calls.

depending on last drink she could be getting drunker. Keep an eye on her imo .

Have a chat in morning … how much and who with and tell her that no matter what happens to her or her friends you will pick her up if she need you. You won’t shout or blame her, you will just bring her and her friends home (and you need to stick with this.. discussion doesn’t have to be a blame game but how to learn)

she’s young yes but you can’t stop her if she wants to… not saying no means it isn’t as attractive and knowing you’ll get her if she’s out of her depth (or her friends are who cant tell their family) builds trust

She seems to be asleep. I will talk to her in the morning. I want to try and let her know that she is vulnerable in that state
The truth is I'm terrified of the things that might happen to her and I don't want to put my stuff on her because I was raped when very drunk by a stranger.
I just want to treat it like a normal parent would though so that's why I asked.

I'm going to asked her to tell me who she was with and what they drank and let her know she can call me if she needs a lift back whenever she needs etc I won't mention the vulnerability? Or do?

Some wise words here. My mum took the approach of shouting and screaming. It didn’t work and I continued to push the boundaries and it put a wedge in our relationship for many years. Perhaps if I had known what she was feeling was worry rather than what I perceived as being a fun sponge, I might of listened to her.

That sounds good OP. I do mention how being drunk etc can make them more vulnerable and that's why they need to be aware/stick with friends/call you for help if needed. I think you can do that without referring to your experience. Sorry that you had to go through that.

No of course I wouldn't mention it.
Just wondered if people do tell them they're vulnerable. Don't want to scare her and I want her to enjoy herself. Staying with mates is good advice.