Nursery School and Work

[MrsBubble]

Hi all,

My first thread/post here so apologies for the wishy washy nature of it. I had my son in 2021 and never returned to teaching but I'm looking at going back. I have a non- verbal 3 year old who I never put into a childcare setting. I am now panicking that I didn't get him on any nursery waiting lists. He's now on some for April/Sept but I'm wondering if he starts in September how that'll work with me starting a teaching job and also settling him in.

I also am quite unimpressed with the schools in my catchment. I'm more inclined to send him to a private nursery as I've got a more welcoming vibe from them whereas the one school I put his name down at is kinda making me feel like they're doing me a favour and have already given me a list of things to do- I've even made two trips there as per their request just to put him down on a waiting list and the admissions officer's only concern seemed to be that he isn't toilet trained.

Any advice on where I should go from here with school/work? I'm feeling really lost but also like I need to do this for the both of us.
TIA!

Hi, it sounds like your child has additional needs. I would contact your local SENDIASS service (can google) to ask for their advice. You are likely to need an EHCP in place, so you'll want to try to put your child in whichever childcare provision will be best placed to support that process.

Are you a single parent? If not, if you are starting work at the same time DS is starting nursery then DH can take time off to settle him in.

Also just go with your gut, if the school nursery doesn't sound helpful go with the private one.

TYSM- so I have started the ball rolling for my son and he's had an initial assessment. I will check out the service you mention though. I definitely think the place with the best special needs support will be best for him. Schools are probably better for that I'm thinking.

School nursery hours would be very difficult to work around, if you prefer the private nurseries I'd just pursue that. We used a private nursery as wraparound for a school nursery (standard here in NI, not sure about elsewhere) but it sounds like one setting would be better for your DS.

Our private daycare nursery have several DC with SEN.

TYSM- so I could ask DH to help with settling in. I was concerned as DS has been with me at home full- time and might not settle as well with his dad but might have to try it out. I definitely think going with my gut will have to be the way forward. Needa do some more visits too.

School nursery hours vary enormously. The one I work with offers places from 3 years old which can use funded hours between 7.45am and 5.45 pm. Others only offer 9-3.

He may find it easier for his dad to do the settling - it might be easier for dad to leave than mum.

Ah ok, here a FT nursery school place is only until 1pm, and most are PT to 12 or earlier.

TYSM- that's good to know. I think the ones near me don't offer the longer day but I will probably go with a private one because of the hours too.

TYSM- that's true actually! I didn't think of it like this

Which Primary school is he likely to attend? If there is a local childminder serving that school, it may be worth using the school nursery and then the childminder for wrap around care, which then continues into school age.

His dad will have to cover for any sickness etc for the first term or your boss will get pissed off

TYSM- I'm in the London Borough of Redbridge. I have a couple of schools near me that are Outstanding, I just got an odd vibe from one of them and the other don't offer school tours. Maybe im just being an annoying teacher parent too though.

Very true!

If you are looking at a sept start date there will be a possibility of starting a little earlier.
We moved house in Aug 21 and the nursery initially said Sept for availability but they were able to shift it earlier to the 8th August as some of their preschools left a little especially those with older siblings so parents are already providing child care in the summer pull them out prior to starting school. The nursery was then able to shuffle a few children up the rooms freeing up a space in the toddler room for my daughter a few weeks earlier than expected.

You also have 6 months to prepare your son for nursery build up more time with dad so that he's in a position to do some of the settling. We had 4 1h sessions the week before my daughter started and 2 1h sessions in the weeks before that..we had a break when we were actually moving.

I would say trust your instincts. We view 2 and one we didn't get a warm feeling about and saw cleaning products on the floor in rooms with children in. A few months later they closed after the fire brigade reported them to Ofsted.

TYSM- this is great to know. I will be visiting a couple of nurseries next week. I'd have like him to start in April but August would be ideal. I really need to get on to the toilet training too so it gives me plenty of time to try. The more time with dad thing is definitely important I think.

For nurseries the toilet training might be less important. My daughter is in the preschool room and she toilet trained at 2y9m but there are a couple of children in her room that aren't toilet trained, there was a child having a nappy changed this morning when i dropped her off! I think there was a piece in the news about more students starting school not toilet trained. So there must also be more preschoolers still not toilet trained too.

I don't know their histories/diagnosis but our nursery has a couple of the children have conditions that look similar to Downs syndrome. My friends son has been in child care with cerebral palsy too. It's a bit harder to find the right setting for the child but I think it should be possible.

No nursery can insist on a child being toilet trained before starting. It's against the disability discrimination act. It doesn't matter whether it's a school or private nursery.

This is just an opinion but in your circumstances it may be better to use a school nursery if there is a possibility that your child has SEN. It would make the transition into Reception easier rather than settling somewhere then having to change.
That's if you can anticipate the school your child will be entering when they are due to start full time.
If they don't do the hours you need see if there is a childminder to help.

The problem with a private nursery in this instance bis they're just going to get to know your child then it's time to move on so any assessment won't get going.then it will be starting all over again.

I think it will be harder starting for a year or so then changing.

tysm- I definitely have had a different reaction to his lack of toilet training from the people at the private nurseries. The School ones near me don't take anyone who isn't toilet trained. I saw in the news about the late training swell. I was waiting for my son to be saying some words and have more apparent understanding but I have taken some advice from people with non verbal kids and feel better about attempting it

Sorry just saw this. I think private will be the way forward for us until reception. I've heard so many parents happy with their private nursery setting

thank you- I also thought this! I was disappointed at the school lady's attitude over the toilet training

TYSM- yeah this is very true. I really wanted something as seamless as possible. I think I need to explore the other school in my area. Or move! I hate the catchment thing

I'm going back to 2004 but my cousin got special permission to start school not toilet trained he had a regression prior to starting school when his father had a leukemia relapse and spent 6 months in hospital.

This is just my experience but we took a really gentle approach to toilet training. My daughter is the quiet sort that likes to understand things before doing them and will always hold back if unsure. For months she refused to do any form of walking and sat down if we tried but had been cruising furniture for ages. One Sunday she took a few steps on her own and from Monday she ran. Knowing this we started potty training with just an hour of nappy free time on a none stressful day. Then we tried to do an hour on any days we were at home together (my day off and the weekend). Some days she engaged some day she didn't and that was fine. Once she got the hang of an hour we made it 2h. Once we got to 4h she got the offer of knickers or nappy on those days in the morning and when she woke up from a nap. Once she got to wanting it both we planned a weekend to go for it fully time. The first weekend we earmarked was Easter but she wanted nothing to do with knickers. A couple of weeks later it was the may bank holiday and she has been fairly dry since then. Poos were harder but she has toddler diarrhoea and food allergies so she doesn't get a lot of notice and because of this it took longer to crack those. A lot of the methods were just going from day 1 but I think for my daughter those steps of educating her about potty training before committing helped. She didn't start communicating with words until a 26 months so probably 6 months before we potty trained and she didn't tell give us any dialogue of toilet habits so we were sure how it would go. She has impeccable bladder control now!