Struggling with 3 year old

[Th1sisnotadrill]

Hoping to be told all this behaviour is normal for a 3yo. My son is almost 3 and has been a difficult child since as long as I can remember. I don't even know where to start.

He's very clingy. Will only have me and cries whenever I leave the room.
He whines alot - he strikes me as unhappy/angry most of the time.
He will not entertain new things , particularly clothes.
He can not share, at all.
He becomes very overwhelmed in different settings and ramps up the tears and clinginess.
Generally, most tasks feel like an absolute battle. I'm not enjoying parenting him at the moment and it's taking a toll. His older sister is forever having her needs met second due to him creating and crying until my attention is back on him.

He attends nursery 3 full days a week and apart from initial tears when I drop him off he is mostly fine there and the staff at nursery don't raise any concerns about his behaviour there, other than him being a bit emotional at times but not frequently.

Is all this a phase? He was assessed recently and the HV suggested he be referred for possible ASD diagnosis but I'm not fully convinced.

His speech and understanding is good, he is a bright boy and eats and (as of recently) sleeps quite well.

Can anyone relate? I'm at my wits end.

I’m sorry but I am with the HV and think you should have him assessed. At least you would know what you are dealing with,

I agree, I'd ask to have him put on the list for an assessment. Wait lists are very long – you can always remove him if everything resolves, but better to start the waiting now.

Personally I'd go through the assessment, though, with what you describe. He won't get a diagnosis if he doesn't have ASD, but if he does have it, having the diagnosis will help you access support for him if he needs it, especially when it comes to school, and help him understand himself as he gets older.

I'd also read up on some ASD-friendly parenting strategies and try them now, to see if they can make his life and yours a bit easier. Things like managing any sensory needs, being very clear on plans and routines, trying things like now and next to support tasks he doesn't want to do, using things like a small trampoline or swing or other sensory things to help him stay calmer and more regulated. Nothing works for everyone, of course, but hopefully you'd find some bits that help.