Completely overwhelmed with motherhood

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I don't enjoy it like I thought I would. I love my girls but every day is stressful from beginning to end and all the night wake ups in between. I have a 2 and 3 year old born 13 months apart, I'm no longer with their dad because the stress of everything took its toll and we had no time for eachother, so our relationship went to crap. We have no family around to help so we're literally on parent mode 24/7. The girls are beautiful, funny and loving, but they are both attached to me at the hip. Wherever I go, they will follow, crying at my feet and moaning that they're hungry again or want me to get their juice which is 5 steps away from them. They don't play independently and always need me to play with them, otherwise they won't stop asking me until I do. Neither sleep through the night and take it in turns to wake me up and ask for more water even when their bottles are full. They end up in bed with me because I'm too exhausted to keep going in and out of their room 7-10 times a night. In between this I am working part time, trying to keep on top of housework and all other commitments.

I am feeling resentful that I can't even do things like go to the loo without them being 1 step behind and sitting in the bathroom shouting mummy mummy mummy. I can't shower without them coming in and running the taps which makes the water go cold. I can't eat without them taking it from my hands. I can't meet my own basic needs without having to stop every 10 seconds to stop them from doing something they shouldn't, ie when trying to go for a poo they will empty out my shampoo bottles or climb up on the bath. They fight constantly if I step into another room.

I am just so tired, burnt out and wish they could just play independently for 5 minutes and give me time to do something else. I just had to fly out of the shower suds and all because one of them jumped on the bed and fell off.

Does anyone have any suggestions kind ones please, I'm a mother on the edge

This manic stage will pass. Soon enough they will be in school and that will wear them out.

I think with some things you have to be very firm and consistent to make things change, which I understand can feel impossible when you're constantly exhausted. But with them constantly wanting to play with you, you need to be clear. E.g "I can play for 10minutes and then I need to do the dishes." Give a 1 minute warning and then stick to your word. Remind them that's what you said would happen and don't give up. Stand firm even if they are upset. Once they begin to realise you won't give in, they will be more accepting.

Hang in there, I know how exhausting it can be. I found it relentless when I had a 1year old and 4 year old, so I can only imagine how hard it can be with a smaller age gap.

Hang in there! Things will be so much easier when they're older and will have similar interests due to their close age.

Can you use the free nursery hours for 2-3 year olds to give you a break? I love my son but I did value getting some time back for myself when he was old enough to go to nursery.

God you must be exhausted. Can I say it does get easier, they will play independently at some point! Although then you have to solve their squabbles. Hang in there. And be really firm with them. Do you get any break at all?

definitely see if you can get them in nursery to try and take some time back for yourself.. your doing amazing mumma. Being a parent it one of the hardest jobs ever, you can't just phone in sick when your having an off day. Things will get easier as they get older and most certainly when they do start school.

Of course you are overwhelmed- that is brutal. This age is paticularly hard, and that age difference is particularly hard. It is extremely high rotation of everything.

How often does your ex take them? He should take them both for over night/s - a full 24 hours at the very least.

You need a little time - even a few hours can help.

When mine were that age (and that distance apart) I found that if I got them ahead of the curve there was more harmony. So food on the table just before they were hurngry and so on. I got them involved with food prep - washing rice /lentils/chickpeas is something they love for example - and keeps them busy while you whizz around. I had the day functioning in blocks. We all went for a nap or quiet time just after early lunch. We got into one bed - they choose the books etc. On lucky days I was able to sneak off for a cuppa. Always went out for a walk -rain, hail or shine. Even 10 mins.

An inspired Mumsnet hack was to put half thei toys away in bags. The day when they get really bad pull out a bag of "new" toys. That one is so good.

I worked with the notion that 10 minutes for a child that age was an adult hour - that helped me tailor things to them a bit.

And I was exhausted, upset, useless. But we got through it - they are lovely late teens now and we love each other mucho!

Good luck op. But your DP needs to do something.

PS - this in not you by the way.

It is the situation.

Accept that.

It sounds absolutely brutal. Is it impossible to start working FT?

Thank you for all being so helpful and gentle. I feel guilty all of the time because I know the years are short and I'll miss them when they're gone so I want to make the most of them but it's really taking a toll on me.

They do go to preschool 3 days per week while I work from 9-3. I work 9:15 - 2:45 on those days so I'm constantly in a rush from drop off to work and vice versa. Feels like a treadmill going 100mph that I can't get off of. And I can't even enjoy a well deserved bath to relax because they don't stay in bed in the evenings

Ex takes them for a couple of hours in the evening on a Monday for dinner but can't have them overnight because of work. He does have them every other weekend which gives me a break but I'm well burnt out by then because it's just so relentless.

Thank you for making me feel less alone

I wonder if you could have them at pre-school for an extra day and you have that as time to yourself. I used to work in a school mornings and then have a couple of hours break before picking my son up from nursery- nice to have a cup of tea in peace and a rest. There are women everywhere feeling the same so you are absolutely right that you're not alone.

You have my sympathy, it’s really tough and you have the odd person advising you to treasure every moment when your sanity is hanging by a string.

Give them the bloody TV, sod being mother of the year, some downtime is required for all of you.

My eldest is now 15 and I barely see him, your time will come!

Almost 17 years in to this motherhood stuff and still just as overwhelming now as it was back then.

You have my sympathies, especially with work added on. Take care of yourself and honestly they are small for such a short time.

Look after yourself so you can look after them 💪

Sorry op - ex needs to do more.

You are run ragged - he also needs to run himself ragged.

A few hours in the evening and every other weekend does not cut the mustard.

There is no "perfect" by the way. It is always messy,overwhelming and exhausting - no matter how you slice it. It is the nature of it!

But in your case - a dh doing more is vital.

Very similar age gap for my youngest two. 14 month age gap and they are one and two. It is hard and I am so tired.

It’s so hard to be firm and maintain consistency when you’re at your wits end. Sometimes I think to myself maybe just this once I can just give in for the easy life.

One idea for you is to think about what is the one thing you are struggling with most and tackle that first. It’s too much to try to do it all. It’s overwhelming when you’re exhausted and struggling.

One thing I think helps with easing tantrums is that I keep my word. So if I say I will read the story after I have my cuppa then I stick to it. This goes for warnings too.

It’s very difficult OP they are so young a constant back and forth between two homes could be very disruptive to them.

Do you claim universal credit? Is there an option for you to increase your hours?

Universal credit will pay a significant amount of childcare costs, so if its possible to find a nursery that will take them 8am-6pm, increase your days to four days a week, you’ll then be able to have that bit more down time on your “formal working” days so you’re just in a better position when you’re not working.

It sounds like the most important thing at the moment is that you get some breaks so you can recover a bit. Some ideas are:

• you need to be really firm and consistent with staying in bed at bedtime. You have to have your evenings to relax. Did you ever watch Supernanny? She was really good on this. Her episodes are on YouTube.

• if your ex really can't take them overnight then he needs to take them multiple evenings per week up until bedtime

• can your ex also take them every weekend for at least a couple months while you recuperate?