Toddler mealtime hell - how to make meal times calmer?

[Marven]

My three year old does not eat dinner. She eats other meals ok, but recently, even when dinner is something she likes, she messes around, throws food, faffs about and is generally so infuriating. Today I sent her straight to bed as she wouldn't eat. It's not sustainable. I get so cross. I'm sure it's partly to get a reaction - she has a new baby brother and I'm sure that's contributing.

What are some tips to overall make dinner less stressful?

Sticker charts, timers, bribes etc have all been tried and might work for a while, but never last. And I think they just emphasize dinner being a battle.

So how do I take all the pressure off, keep my cool and then hopefully she'll eat?

I completely agree with you.

@Marven i completely relate to this. My daughter is 2.5 and sometimes just refuses to join us for dinner. I have learnt to let it go. I encourage her to eat dinner and will offer options such as which fork would you like etc and that helps engage her. I also make it clear that toys have gone to bed. So it’s not like she’s missing out on playing. If she doesn’t want to eat she can read a book but no toys no tv during meal time.
quite often she will join us as she wants to be part of the “family atmosphere”. Sometimes she will ask if she can eat in my lap and I’m happy to allow this as I recognise she needs connection after a day of nursery. Maybe this could work for you? Or move the meal to a picnic on the floor?
the other tip I have is to look inwards is there anything about your experience or your relationship with food which is making you extra worried? (For me I have a nephew with AFRID and so I’m overly anxious)
move the success marker- success isn’t a clean plate. It’s enjoying time together over a meal. So if your daughter remained engaged, happy and exploring her meal even if not fully eaten that’s a good day.
also I would say give the fruit or yogurt. Firstly they are healthy secondly it’s not recommended to create a reward like system with food. (Naturally we do it by restricting sugary foods etc) but you want your daughter to see fruit as part of a normal diet not a treat.

its truly exhausting but removing pressure from yourself will make her happier too.

Yup, drop the rope. If you stop pulling you may find she does too.

You provide food.

You eat your food.

If you are having extra food (eg dessert) you offer her some.

You eat your food.

You clear up.

Once this insanely boring and predictable routine is established, the stress is gone and it's pretty likely she'll realise she'd better eat if she doesn't want to be hungry and that there are far more interesting ways to get your attention.

If she doesn't snack then she's going 5-6 hours without anything to eat and then eating very close to her bedtime. It's going to be really hard for her to control her behaviour when she's tired and her blood sugar is low.

I'd suggest, as pp have, to make her lunch the main meal of the day, then offer her a 'teatime' snack at about 2.5 hours after lunch, with a half round of sandwiches and a biscuit, then if you all want to eat together later she gets a tiny portion if what you and DH have at 6pm.
It may well be that she's after attention with a newborn in the house, but she isn't doing it maliciously. She needs something special fur her. Adding in a teatime will fit well with after-school snack (when you get to that point) and also take the pressure off at dinner time when if she doesn't eat much it's less of an issue. Let dinner be more about special time for her with the two of you. If you aren't worrying about how much she eats you'll enjoy her company more.
Hope this helps.

You can't force a child to eat no wonder you're getting stressed. Everyone has a not hungry day occasionally. My ideas...

Make dinner optional
Give a time range when dinner will be available (a visual twisty clock thing is good for that)
Put the food in the middle for self service
Make food that can be eaten with hands
Make food where each piece is separate
Give a backup option "if you don't like this that's ok, just think about it for a few minutes and then you can have toast/porridge/fruit/whatever back up option you're happy to offer"
... and all the ideas from above posters

Remember you can only survive a couple of days without water, but you can survive weeks without food! Once they skip dinner and are still alive in the mornings a couple of times, you gain confidence.

Good luck!

Thank you for the advice. I do struggle to stay calm because I know it's not really about whether she's hungry or not, so I'm really looking for advice to help make meal times calmer.
Those saying eat earlier, what time do/did you eat with little ones? Someone's said 4! But that seems crazy early and no way we can all eat together, which is what a lot of other advice says!

I would give her her evening meal about 4.30. She can have yoghurt or bread and butter with dad and 6pm. I'd say that she's tired by then and that's the behaviour you're seeing.

We eat out evening meal at 5.30pm I couldn’t do it any earlier than that. DD generally has a snack around 2.30/3pm