Is this normal ?

[MorganFreemansVoice]

TIA for your help.

I had a really rough morning getting DD 6 1/2 ready for school.

I always encourage her to be independent and speak her mind, but I feel somewhere along the line, I have failed.

I tie her hair to her liking every morning, but she's never happy. Usually, for her to be mildly happy, I need to tie her hair seven-plus times every morning. I always do my best. Generally, she's rude if her hair is not exactly how she wants it.

This morning, she took it to another level. It was around 8:40 am, and we had to leave for school, but her hair still wasn't how she had liked it. I told her I would tie her hair one more time and, regardless of how it looked, we needed to leave for school; otherwise, we'd be late.

She started being rude, crying, hitting, screaming, and throwing objects at me.
Outside, she threw herself onto the ground and yelled and screamed until we arrived at school in the car.

I am feeling sad and disheartened...

How can I approach this next time?

Sorry you had a tough morning.

It sounds like she's using it as a stalling tactic, and is used to it working, hence the meltdown when it didn't. From now on I would tell her "I'm going to do your hair once, and that's it." and stick to it.

Agree with the above. Ask her what she wants, do it once. Off you go. She'll probably kick off for a few days before she realises mummy means it!

Is this the only thing, or does she have mega tantrums for other things?

That sounds like a really tough morning – I hope you have been able to have a little bit of time to regroup.

Also agree, you do her hair once, and that's it. If she's rude about your best efforts, then tomorrow she does it herself (assuming she can do a basic ponytail or other acceptable style). If she can't do it herself, she loses the right to choose the style tomorrow – you'll do something easy and functional.

I would also echo @Sanch1's question about whether it's just this one thing, or if she really loses it emotionally about other things. I'd also ask if she is quite particular about how things are in general, or if again it's just this.

I don’t think it’s about the hair. It sounds more like control, time wasting, attention seeking type behaviour. Is there a younger sibling? We had similar and it was really about toddler sibling being helped to get dressed and wanting the same level of attention. Lots of praise for getting herself ready like a big girl helped. Hair gets done once, choice of ponytail or plait, and the threat is that if she doesn’t like it then she’s wearing it down with a headband and can explain herself to the sports, dance or swimming teacher since it has to be worn up for one of those every day except Tuesday.

Only the hair thing. Otherwise, she behaves well. When she has these tantrums, she is like a completely different child.

She is very fixated on one hairstyle, and I do my absolute best to do it the way she wants it.

I also wondered if she was just stalling. Is she otherwise happy enough to go to school? No other reason she wants to avoid going?

She is the only one, and we give her all the attention she wants. I agree that there is also a control element involved. Thank you for your help.

My daughter is 7 and very particular about her hair, it has to have a parting and needs to be a very tight bobble.
She has done it by herself for the last few months. I do offer to do it but only do it if she says yes/asks me for it.
This works well for us.