How to handle 7 yr old dd's anger/frustration/stroppiness?

[spudcounter]

Okay, so this is the scenario...

dd wants (to do) something she can't have/do..when explained why she can't she opts for anger, frustration or 'flouncing off stroppiness' instead of a more measured negotiation of when she might be able to have/do it.

Do I?

Tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable..which leads to sulks, even more frustration.
Or,

Let her strop off..give vent to her anger.I let this happen the other day and after a while she came down the nicest most pleasant child on earth, which led me to thinking that this might be something she just needs to do..you know have that release and that quashing it results in more upset and resentment than not....but then aren't we supposed to be teaching our kids anger management? ..and what are the strategies of this anyway?

I would let her strop her away.

If the subject is open to calm negotiation, make sure she knows that she can reopen discussions when she is calmer.

Tell her that anger is allowed, but making other people's life a misery isn't.

She can sulk all she likes in her room, it is her room and she isn't harming anyone, is she?

and then when she has calmed down, she does what she needs to do

I agree. dd1 is 8yo and i have posted a few times about her... She is incredibly emotional and has had phases of what seem like major teenage strops. If engage in a battle with her at this point (eg because I find it unacceptable and infuriating that she behaves like that!!) it all ends up so much worse with lots of screaming and shouting and slamming doors and the actual point is totally lost.

Definitely tell her to strop in her room then discuss things when she's calm. If she acts really stroppy and/or is foul to me or dh I let her calm down and still withdraw the activity/chocolate/whatever because there has to be some consequence for acting like a fool, but that is at your discretion obviously!

It is a lot better now though, we can often warn her when she's about to start that she may like to modify her approach!

I should give her no attention at all when she goes into a strop-refuse to get involved in any way. When she is calm tell her that it is all a waste of time and energy because you are only prepared to discuss things in a reasonable manner. If you keep doing this she might eventually get the message!

as a mother of a 7 year old dd myself I can fully relate!

As far as I'm concerned, "anger management" means not taking it out on someone else. So when dd gets angry/in a strop screaming at me or ds or hitting/kicking ds etc is NOT acceptable. Going off in a strop to her own room until she is feeling calmer is totally fine. We can then continue disccussions later. Trying to force her to be calm and talk about things when she's all worked up is pointless.

I think it's important for her(not to mention people of ALL ages!) to know that we all have a right to be angry, but...we have the responsibility of managing it - which at this age she will still need help with.

She's only little she'll be fine.

My dd used to be almost frightened by her anger/emotions at this age. I bought her a book, kids book called "I Feel Angry" - mostly pictures - she found it a revelation....she hadn't understood that other people feel the same sometimes.

Well, I do think I have a right to cry if I'm upset- and I'm 44. In case of extreme upset I have even been known to feel justified in shouting at dh or children.

But I don't have a right to hit anyone or throw things around and break them. I haven't got the right to shout at the family over every single little thing. And I would be extremely unwise to scream at my boss or cry when she tells me to do things differently.

I think pretty much the same things go for 7yos, mutatis mutandis.