Struggling with 8mo - what did I do wrong?

[Land28]

My dd is pretty grumpy most of the time (I love her to bits, she is amazing and when she smiles everything bad disappears) but I feel like it's been a tough journey where I haven't been able to enjoy maternity leave and feel myself wishing it away. She had colic in the early days, a terrible sleep regression from 4-6 months. Now she is not interested in solids and has now started refusing her milk, so having a minimal amount each day.

She doesn't appear to take any comfort from me, doesn't want a cuddle, unless really unwell. I barely get any time to myself as she does a maximum 30 min nap twice a day. She hasn't rolled yet at all, and despises tummy time, so therefore is nowhere near crawling. I find spending time with my NCT friends now draining as she is so far behind the other babies and just seems to cry fuss when the other babies happily play and interact with each other. I just keep thinking I have done something wrong, and that I didn't prepare enough to be a mother.

Maybe my expectations are too high and I am probably just ranting as having a very bad day, but I just am looking for any signs from people who may have been in a similar situation that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Has silent reflux or cmpa been explored as these both sent my daughter off food and breastmilk as well as making her grumpy and developmentally behind. The general consensus was she was so unhappy with the reflux and allergies that she didn't have the capacity for developing. She didn't smile or turn to sounds until 5 months when I finally went t dairy and soya free after months being dismissed by my GP with my very unhappy little girl.

That does sound really tough and I'm not surprised that you're finding it hard but you've done nothing wrong.

I agree that it does sound as though she may have reflux or CMPA.

Which milk is due on now?

Goodness, you could be describing DS1 as a baby almost to the letter. Everything resonates from the motor delay, to the lack of cuddles, to the slow weaning, to the short naps!

He looked so delayed compared to the other NCT babies. Up until a year he just sat there, fussing and crying. I was miserable and beside myself throughout maternity leave.

Turns out he’s actually ferociously bright, ferociously independent and ferociously head strong. He never crawled, I expect due to how much he hated tummy time, and went straight to walking just after his first birthday. He spoke very early and by his second birthday appeared advanced compared to other children. Still does now at nearly 4 wrt to his speech and comprehension.

He didn’t have any medical diagnosis (we went through them all). He was just a classic high needs baby who hated being a baby. He was a delightful, angelic toddler, a wonderful, interesting but tricky 3 yo (big feelings that he sure made us know about) but has turned a corner recently on the run in to 4. He’s never going to be cuddly but I don’t care now, because he’s an absolute hoot. There is light!

@CadyEastman @Superscientist Thank you both for your reply, I'm pretty sure it isn't anything reflux related, we have actually been to the doctor a few times and a trip to A&E in the early days and both have ruled out reflux / silent reflux, as she doesn't have any other symptoms.

@VivaVivaa It's really reassuring reading your experience and comforting to know that this is potenitally just a phase that she will eventually grow out of. I will try my best not to wish this time away but I am just looking forward to having a child who I can properly communicate with.

I had such a grumpy baby. I used to dread being alone with him because the days were so long.

He got happy after he was 1. And then when he was about 18 months he got really nice and cuddly. Before that he just wasn’t interested.

It’s tough, but it will get better and there’s nothing you’ve done wrong.

My DC1 was like this. Actually tbh worse than what you describe, cried all the time tbh although was somewhat less by 8 months. It was just a gradual process for us and now at 5 they remain a very intense and sensitive child. But it does all just get much easier particularly when they learn to talk!

But it does all just get much easier particularly when they learn to talk!

We found that too. I taught them both to sign pretty early on. DS in particular was much happier once he could communicate with us.

@Land28 I really would recommend reading the link I posted on CMPA, even if it's just to say that it's definitely not that

If you're FFing, is she in a comfort milk?

Unfortunately the only way to actually rule out cmpa and silent reflux is to treat for cmpa or silent reflux. Some babies only have ambiguous symptoms that don't jump out as being obvious cmpa symptoms. It took 17 weeks about 3 midwife appointments, 3 infant feeding team assessments, around 8 GP appointments and a trip to paeds for my daughter to be diagnosed! Even then the paediatrician said unlikely but worth a try. Has it happened she didn't just have cmpa she had 20 food allergies! Our GP gave us incorrect advice about reflux and didn't know the difference between cmpa and lactose intolerance which are very different presentations in breastfed babies.
I have a friend who wasn't listened too. Her baby had severe feeding aversions and is now a 3 yo with AFRID and barely eats. She was told no reflux, no allergies too. It is so so poorly understood by doctors especially in primary care. The majority of the mums I know with allergy babies were told for months absolutely no allergy and normal reflux is any no treatment required.

So sorry that you had such poor support. Ours was a very similar story with Tongue Tie.

@CadyEastman @Superscientist Thanks both, I have a call with the health visitor today as DD is now barely drinking any milk, so I will discuss a possible CMPA with them. My gp is completely useless, I will try to get a referral to a paed if possible.

The link I posted on CMPA gives some tips on dealing with HCPs