Father visiting from Overseas

[Chedward]

Hello

I am needing some advice regarding my kids father (22MO&8MO) visiting from overseas.
Back story, from Ireland, moved to Oz 10 years ago together, married 2019. He wasn't a present father or supportive to me, discovered when 2nd baby was 2 weeks old he was having an affair so i moved back to Ireland to have a support network around me and the children when the baby was 2 months. This was with his full consent. He moved cities and now living with his the person he had affair with. IMO he is not being the best father or looking out for kids best interests and is doing bare minimum required of him (maintenance and 1x facetime per week(sometimes he forgets)) so tensions between us are not great. His personality means he can treat you badly and carry on like nothing happened and take no responsibility, always someone else's fault.
He has just told me he will be coming back for a holiday and wants to see the kids as much as possible. I do not feel comfortable with leaving kids alone with him when they are so young and do no want him at my house, he has also given very little notice so we do have plans for Easter but i feel like he doesn't see them often that i need to make them available. Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you navigate this? Its been 7 months so i do need a break but don't know what is right thing to do. I would not be comfortable with overnights as baby still wakening.
Only 1 member of his family has shown a true interest in the kids and been supportive, his mother has been abusive to me so also unlikely that i would be comfortable with them at hers which is where he will be staying.
He has in past threatened me with hagues law when i didn't do what he wanted so this is another stress factor. We are in middle of separation settlement talks as well so there is alot going on, he is not being fair to us at all but at same time he is their father and he wants to see them so i wont stop it, I'm just not sure how it will look. So far i have asked him for a timetable dates & activities he wants to do and said i will try best to accommodate.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Are they good with the kids when you are not around? Maybe he and his mother can look after them well- it will never be like yours, but it is ok. there is a time when you think, ok, he is their dad, and she is the granny, and let them perform. She somehow managed to bring up your DH. And you may have some time to yourself?

when kids get bigger, these types of dads and their families start showing more interest in kids anyway, trying to win their hearts. And kids.. they know deep down all the shit going on. There was a time when the MIL and DH talked behind me to my kids, 8-12 yo, and they only ran to tell me what was told. It was tough to shut up, but I did so by listening to my therapist's advice. I kept saying, "Oh, Dad is angry; he didn't mean it,"- when I was cursing and swearing inside. It was right, and it worked. In time, they started not wanting to go to MIL's house.

It is easier said than done, but let them bond with the kids, look after them, buy their needs later, and listen to their whining and problems. It is too much on one's shoulders, anyway. Yet, kids grow up and may not be pleased with all you sacrifice for. Look after yourself, too. If it all goes well, your kids will bode with the dad. Let the kids see the difference between mum and dad if it doesn't go well. Saying all these, assuming kids are safe around your MIL and DH.

Thank you for your reply! I do think they will be safe with them but i am confident i will be spoke about poorly around them, something which i try not to do even when they are this little.

If i do let him take boys to her house for the day it will be first time they will be out of my or my families care so it is daunting and hard as i don't trust them but do understand that he is there Dad and he will only be here for a short time.. He has never cared for the youngest so that is the hardest, the older boy will remember their bond so i hope the younger boy will feel comfortable if his brother is.
I could definitely do with the break!