Helping DC cope with guilt trip co-parent

[WhatToDoAndSay]

Trying to parent effectively with ex who continues the abusive mind games against the DC, Who understandably struggle.

How can I best support SC without slating their other parent in the process?

You post isn’t clear ?

I am assuming Sc is step children ?

if so be lighthearted . Ex said …. Well we know that isn’t true because … the. Laugh it off change the subject .

Sorry that's a typo, it kept autocorrecting DC for some reason!

The DC are coming to me saying they feel guilt tripped because it is a burden to them. Is laughing it off somehow de-validating their experience by making light of the pain they're bringing to me to help them with? If it's the right thing to do I will do it, but it feels a little bit counter intuitive.

It is hard, isn't it. I agree that it is right to acknowledge that they are being put in a difficult situation. Something like "Sounds like when dad says X you feel Y.... that doesn't feel very fair to me, because you didn't choose to be in this situation...."

I know the standard advice is never to criticise the other parent, but as my DC has got older I've found it important to point out when their dad is being unreasonable so that it doesn't become normalised.

Have you read how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk?

It's very good at giving ways of helping your DC validate their thoughts and feelings.