do I give up now?

[whenwillibemeagain]

I’ve been breastfeeding for 3 weeks now, the first few days were magical I have never felt anything so special, once we came home from the hospital I still felt great but after a week I started realising the toll it was taking on me. I am now crying every day my baby wants to be fed constantly. baby will not sleep and just wants to be on the breast for comfort but it also means I can’t do anything at all. I feel the worst guilt in the world but I feel like I want to just start formulae feeding. I sit and sob and say I don’t want to do this. I feel resentment to my baby for wanting so much of me whilst I’m loosing myself completely. people say formulas expensive but breastfeeding is costing me my mental health. I feel so heartbroken that I’ve failed but I cannot do it.
Does anyone have any similar story’s? am I doing this right thing.

Ah love it's hard. You've done the hardest part - getting going. I think a lot of women feel like that when the sheer physical demand of it takes over and seems to dominate everything.

If you want to stop, you make that decision and don't let anyone guilt trip you. But consider all your options. Can you express milk so someone else can feed your baby? Can you do a few top ups with formula but keep breastfeeding? Basically the longer you keep going the better! Don't try to do anything else. Just sit on the sofa, eat cake and feed your baby whenever they want. Rest when you can. Get all the support you can from whoever is around.

I would have a chat with your GP or HV about post natal depression. Maybe giving up BF is the right thing for you, or maybe it's unrelated to the cause of your sadness. You have absolutely nothing to feel guily for - you're doing the most important job of feeding your child. Unfortunately at this stage it's an all-day job. That doesn't last. Eventually Baby will be able go go longer between feeds, be they breast feeds or bottle, but right now this is totally normal baby behaviour. It may continue even if you switch to formula - there's no way to know.

Please don't feel like you have failed. You absolutely haven't. You have BF your child for 3 weeks. That's AMAZING. Your baby has had colostrum, the most important nutrients, and lots of valuable anti-bodies from your milk afterwards. Breastfeeding is Hard Work, and if you decide it's not for you then you have a safe alternative in formula. But talk to your HV about how you're feeling. PND is very common and can be treated.

I think the idea of ebf is often a lot more lovely than the reality - to be honest if you had a good latch in the first few days and found it was going well in hospital then wow - that’s actually amazing in my limited experience! Breastfeeding is I would say 50:50 learned skill and innate instinct. Your baby is learning but actually so are you.

Double check your baby is still latching properly - a lazy latch can cause wind and slow feeding.

Being at home, please don’t discount the flood of hormones, the exhaustion and the fact your life has been turned upside down - breastfeeding is extraordinarily time-consuming at first. Young babies will cluster feed, you kind of just have to let that happen and recognise it’s normal and many, many EBF mums feel like you do at some point - overwhelmed, touched out and quite depressed about it.

Go to the local bread feeding clinic or talk to HV when you weigh in, or go to a mum and baby group - you’ll get a lot of reassurance and encouragement and sympathy and help (if needed).

And then at some point (maybe several months further along) you may find it is just so easy - you recognise your baby’s cries, you’ve learned when baby is just sucking for comfort (which is not always the worst thing in the world but no one wants a baby latched on 24x7!) and you can unlatch. I found bf so convenient when I went out with friends and on vacation but that was later.

The early days are hard, hard, hard. There’s absolutely no shame in switching to a bottle - but don’t assume you’re somehow failing (or alternatively 90% of breastfeeding mums I know have been failing!)

I wouldn't give up now as 3-6 weeks is the hardest bit and then it gets easier for most people. If you need to supplement with formula for your sanity absolutely do this. Get time without baby in your arms and look at "touched out" it definitely helped me frame how difficult I found having to hold my baby permanent. She has reflux and allergies and at her peak she was in my arms 23h a day. 3 weeks is brilliant any feed after this you do is brilliant but you need to be a healthy happy mum too. I breastfed my baby exclusively until 8 months. From 8 months to 10 months I tried and failed to get combi feeding to work and then ee formula fed until 2. I had severe pnd and the switch to formula coincided with an admission into a mother and baby unit. I really think that had I been able to get combifeeding to work it would have greatly improved my sanity. It would have been that balance of breathing space for me with formula feeding and I genuinely wanted and enjoyed breastfeeding when it was going right and I was less mentally unwell. The hardest days were when I felt like I had no choice but to breastfeed. So I'm going to say to you. You have a choice. You get to choice how much or little you breastfeed. Look holistically about what is best for your family unit.

I was listening to piece the other day about women who have an emotional reaction to breastfeeding and as the feed starts they get crippling depression which then eases afterwards so it's not the same as pnd. These women spoke about the dread of doing a feed as they knew this depression would come too. It wasn't something I had heard of before but thought I would mention it in case it was something you could resonant with.

I think you should do what will make you feel best because having a carer who is not depressed is more important to your baby's happiness than anything. The relationship between you and your baby needs to be positive and currently breastfeeding is getting in the way of developing these positive bonds.

Don't feel guilty if you decide to switch to bottle feeding. People have different reactions to breastfeeding and if it's not for you then that's ok and no one else's business but yours and your partner if you have one.

I stopped BF after a week with DD

DS wouldn't latch on so I had to pump milk for the first 3 months before moving into formula so when I subsequently had DD I was over the whole BF thing and felt relief and not the slightest bit of guilt at all

So many women don't BF or can't or find it difficult

Many more than we are led to believe

Just do what's right for you

Everyone has given you so much good advice, and quite honestly my advice is dated now as my youngest is 25.

but I just want to post and reiterate the above advice,

firstly you are doing amazing, it’s soooo hard at first,
secondly it’s only been 3 weeks, if you spend all day and night doing nothing but cuddling and loving that baby then that’s fine, I wish I had they grow so fast. Enjoy it, yes it can be frustrating and yes you can be sore but just enjoy the babyness of it all
thirdly speak to your health visitors, and listen to your body and do what’s best for you. If you continue to struggle then that will upset baby which will upset you more it’s a roundabout you don’t need
lastly if you decide to go formula that’s fine, do what’s best for the 2 of you

That’s 2 weeks longer than I lasted, do whatever you need to. I thought I could bf with top ups from bottles, but my baby preferred the bottles and wouldn’t bf well after, so I gave up. Yes it’s a hassle bottle feeding, but my baby seemed full and more content after a bottle, so we were happier and partner can help more.

Breastfeeding is so hard at the start, especially when the exhaustion kicks in.

I went through something very similar around that time. My boy just wanted to feed all the time and it was exhausting. My partner and my mum kept telling me to pump but I couldn't get a long enough break to pump. In the end we gave him a bottle of formula so I could pump and get milk in fridge. It made such a difference being able to get some sleep.

I'd crawl off to bed at 7pm. My partner would mind him until the 10pm feed and bring him into the next to me crib fully fed, wrapped up on his swaddle, with a clean nappy and settled. Then I'd take over from his next wake up. Getting a 5hr stretch of sleep made such a difference for my mental health.

Now he's seven months old and still mostly breastfeed but he gets maybe 2 bottles of formula a week when I haven't had time to pump.

Sending you strength and love.

But also if it's too much and you need to switch to formula remember fed is best. And your mental health is important.

Give up when you want - I only did the first 2 feeds on the breast and quickly realised BF wasnot something i could sustain, it didnt feel natural and it wasnt for me.

My DD was forumla fed from then on and according to my DM (who has 7 other granchildren all of whoom were breastfed) she is the most advance & forward at her age.

Not a brag (well sort of, incredibly proud of my little pudding) but an example that babies will thrive breast or formula fed. Whats more important is having a Mother who isn't miserable all the time, you need to look after yourself as well as your little one.

Heya @whenwhenwillibemeagain just checking in to see how you're doing x

OP if you want to stop and it's making you feel resentful and plummeting your mental health, please stop. ❤️

I find sometimes the 'keep going' messages on here just add more pressure.

You've done amazing. Your baby will thrive on formula just like breastmilk.