Quality time with DH - when does it come back?

[Moneybum]

Just that really. 5m old and 2 ye old. I go to bed at 1900 with baby as his sleep is quite shit still and I want to get as much rest as I can. So evenings are out.
DH and I are realistic we just need to hunker down and get through here early years, but just wondering at what age you can actually have a proper out out date night, and not feel tired / crap because your kids are kicking off at someone else doing bedtime?!
We are working on 2 ye old having a story and shutting the door saying goodnight, but are not quite there yet - DH lies with her for 10 mins till she drops off still.
many tips for sneaking quality time in before return of uninterrupted nights out - days feel so full and chaotic

We were lucky that my MIL came over and looked after my DC, she even dropped 2 days work so I could go back to work and by about 8/9 months old she offered to have first DS over night so we could go out and have a good nights sleep with a lay in the following morning. Like you with second DS I went to bed after he did. I think we did this until he slept through at 9 months old. I only ever had MIL to babysit and she offered this to us whenever we wanted, so we were fortunate to have this. She was a single mother from when my DH was about 2 years old and had to work full time, so when her first GC came along, she asked if she could be involved with their care as she missed out so much with my DH.

I have a 9 month old and a 12 year old so we have went from having loads of quality time that came easily to having to put in effort again. Like you I’ve been going to bed early every night as I had been co sleeping, just moved baby to his own room but he’s still up and down so my evenings are spent up and down the stairs retrieving dummies and bum patting! Baby has been staying with his gran every Friday night for a few months now, only because I have been unwell at the end of last year, in and out of hospital so dh needed a break. We also have Wednesday afternoons to ourselves. But we make sure that time is spent together and not just sitting on our phones. Honestly quality time sometimes is just sitting together for a meal or cup of coffee and being present, even if the kids are still there.

Thanks both. My family and in laws not so keen on the overnight! And find it hard to find anyone who is up for both at the same time. Which I understand particularly while he’s small. Hopefully with the weaning and less mummy milk reliance he can have a bit more time away from me.

sorry you’ve been so unwell @booksandchocc, that’s though for all
involved but especially you.

I find quality time when my toddler is awake is not an option as she hates us talking to one another and demands the attention. Obviously we are working on her manners a bit! But she is also just being 2.

DH does compressed hours to get every other Friday off and we’d do a lot of nice lunches out whilst the toddler was at nursery and baby was asleep in the pram! Youngest being 2 was a big game changer though, not only were both kids rock solid sleep wise by then but my nephew moved nearby for uni so we now have cheap babysitting on tap.

I'm not as fortunate as many PPs. I have a 4 year old DD and a 14 month old DS and no family close by. Tbh the first year of DS's life there has been no quality time for DH and me. DS is a very poor sleeper so I have gone to bed early. We've had no option but to cosleep so DH is in another room so no time overnight even. DS is also a terrible day time sleeper so has almost always contact napped. DD doesnt nap anymore and is very vocal about not being left to fall asleep alone. DH and I have grabbed minutes to reconnect (a brief cuddle in passing for example). It has been a long, hard slog this year. Now at 14 months we are seeing green shoots of hope. DS is finally sleeping for 2 hour chunks in the evening so DH and I have about 1.5 hours together with no traipsing up and down to feed/cuddle/tap bum. DS has recently started nursery and DH and i have treated ourselves to a day of annual leave on Friday whilst both children will be an nursery. DD will be starting school in September and as we have no family help we will need to use all annual leave to try to cover school holidays. I'm expecting these opportunities for adult time to be few and far between but if we can get to the point that they both sleep all evening we will treat ourselves to the occasional expensive evening of baby-sitting.

DD started going to bed in her cot at 7pm at about 6 months and after that, we had our evenings to ourselves again.

I don’t know the answer but wanted to say you’re not alone! I have a 2 year old and a 4.5 month old. My 2 year old is and was a wonderful sleeper and my baby isn’t so I feel like my husband and I are really struggling with adjusting to not having time! I also think the chaos of the evening doesn’t help!

I know this might sound absurd as we are tired but I found that once every 2 weeks or once a week if we can we wake up early at 6am and both kids are asleep and w have breakfast and a chat together. It’s usually for 1.5 hour but it’s blissful!

No family help, DD8....not much quality time here yet.

No family help. 7 and 3 year old... Sorry what's quality time? 🤣😆

Me and DH have started to get quality time together again over the last year and our children are 10 and 6.

I agree with a pp, when our youngest turned two and eldest was 4 we pretty reliably had evenings back. Prior to that we didn’t really get any quality time together other than the odd day of annual leave booked together! Actually, most of our quality time was spent at work - we work at the same place and every couple of weeks we’d go for lunch together (nowhere exciting just round the corner!) but at least it was an hour where no one was shouting at us!

Then we went and had DC3 so now we’re back to square one 😬