Overwhelmed looking after baby

[esgill]

I have a four month old baby and she’s probably normal as far as fussiness goes but I am so overwhelmed, mainly by the constant need to play with her in wake windows, having her breastfeeding all the time and wanting to contact nap. I am an introvert and before having her I had a lot of alone time. My husband tries his best and takes her out in the carrier most days but it’s limited how much time he can stay away as she won’t take a bottle.

i just feel so burnt out and actually want to be able to work but can’t afford nursery. I feel if I had more time out in a day I’d be able to spend more quality time with my baby. As it is I just feel I’m wishing away the wake window so she’ll sleep and I can have some downtime reading (while she is on my lap…)

We don’t have family nearby so don’t get much of a break…

Hi @esgill i recognised your user name from the ‘miserable baby’ thread 😅

To kill time in the wake windows I would go out for a walk (sling or pram) - would this be an option for you?

I’m an introvert too so completely get where you’re coming from with wishing away the wake windows - have you tried transitioning from contact nap to cot at all? I tried out of desperation to do this at 6 months and have had some success and other days not…

I hear you! I couldn't believe how much time my first child wanted to spend 'on' me!! It will get better I promise..... some things that helped me were:

• pushchair naps - walk until child goes to sleep. You get exercise and mental freedom to think while walking, plus no one interrupting. Then park up at home and leave sleeping while you crack on with whatever - with both hands 😂

• car naps, time nap time with some sort of driving errand when you can then park up and relax. Take book or crochet project and cup of tea with you.

• bouncy chair for baby to sit in, close to you while you do things. Some people even seem to get their kids to sleep in them but I must admit mine never did that! Ditto swing chairs.

I was the same as you at this stage - just desperate to get a childminder so that I could work and have some alone time! I found that running errands with her in her pram during wake windows was a good way to pass the time. And remember, in a couple of months she’ll be sitting up and playing (and napping!) much more independently, and suddenly everything will get easier.

Babies don’t always need to be played with when awake.
its good to let them chill under the baby gym, they can then learn that they don’t always need someone there to entertain them.
also, could you pop them in a bouncy chair to watch you while you wash up, garden etc?

Thanks so much for answering everyone — I love this forum and how supportive other parents are.

@brownbutterfrangipanetart we use the sling a lot, but for nap times. If she is awake and wants to be awake she’ll cry in the sling, same with the pram — I find it best for when we want to get her to sleep. Maybe this will change when we move to the 6 month + forward facing buggy and she can see the world?

I should have mentioned that we cosleep too (she didn’t sleep at all in the cot as a newborn) so we don’t even have a cot anymore! I realise we need some sort of bed for her, even if a day bed, or maybe I can try leaving her on our bed and staying close by. She won’t sleep unless I feed her or she goes in the pram or sling…

@catsnore I don’t drive so sadly that’s not an option! I do pram walks but she always wakes up when we get home, and she would wake up anyway as we’re on the 2nd floor and don’t have a lift so I have to take her out and carry her. My baby doesn’t last long in her bouncer. She hasn’t figured out how to make it bounce yet though!

@mylittkeitalianhome glad it’s not just me at least. My baby doesn’t consistently just lie down in the pram chilling if she’s not asleep — she often cries when not asleep in it (after a nap) so I’d be nervous about doing this! Does it really get easier in a few months? I feel like this people keep saying this for every stage I’m at and it’s still hard at 4 months!

@Twoshoesnewshoes we have a baby gym but she’s bored of it. She’s a bit of a Velcro baby and often looks miserable if left alone unless we sing to her/put on a show… she’ll tolerate watching me cook for a bit from the stokke newborn chair. Bored again when we’re eating and wants to sit out our lap and be bounced.

The biggest change for us was when she could be forward facing in the pram and sling at 6 months. Being able to see the world made so much difference and she would happily be out for hours. She was also more content to play by herself when sitting up and surrounded by toys. PLUS she started sleeping through the night, so it definitely does get easier, don’t worry. I also had lovely friends who used to offer to take her for a walk a couple of times a week, which just gave me a bit of alone time - it made such a difference.

At 4 months my daughter was in my arms 23h a day and cried for 16-20h a day. I was utterly touched out. My Friday I was ready to claw my skin from my body. She was a very unsettled baby and only could get comfort from me.
My partner took her every Saturday and Sunday morning so I could catch up on sleep and still does aged 3.5. He would bring her back for a feed or if she was getting too much. I started a weekly - fortnightly bath to have a break from holding her. There for us the being accessible but not immediately accessible worked for us.

At 4 months she hated the pram which was a pain as I didn't have a car so had to walk everywhere. At 4.5 months something clicked she also started treatment for reflux and allergies and she went from hating the pram to only sleeping in the pram and walked for 2-3h a day. It was bliss once I leaned in and took coffee, snacks and a stack of podcasts with Bluetooth headphones for hands free calls with my mum or friends.

We coslept until she was 2. Once I could get her to start the night in her cot around 18 months and give me an hour in bed not in contact with another human it felt a lot easier. I would find times in the day when you are just you on your own to recharge from the emotional demands of being on it all the time. I am very introverted and learnt along time ago that if I have any events with a lot of socialising Christmas does and weekends away with friends I need a chunk of time without people there. I had to do the same with the baby too but in much smaller chunks