Struggling with the so called Tpical Toddler Behaviour

[Jaffaswife]

My daughter is 2 1/2 yrs old, like alot of toddlers she is strong minded, very confident, chatty.... She attends a nursery 2 mornings a week.

Last week nursery told me that she has started snatching, pushing and generally bossing around most of the children.

I am mortified and am struggling to manage her attitude.

I am aware that she needs even stronger boundaries than some children but I am finding it so hard.

Any tips?

jaffa ALL 2.5 yr olds do this. trust me.
I meet regularly with 4 other mums (and have other friends with similarly aged kids) and when we get together the kids can be awful.

we find solace in the fact that they are all doing it, so we know it's an age thing. It will pass, but at that age it's just what they do.

please don't be mortified, it's a phase, and it will pass.
what have the nursery said they'll be doing in terms of managing her behaviour?

The nursery put her on the Thinking Mat every time she 'lashed out! to enforce the fact the behaviour was unacceptable.

What saddens me more is that she only picks on younger or weaker children!!

We too socialise alot with other children (I even run a toddler group!) and i am very aware that she is boisterous at times! (Very full on!!). But on the other hand she is hysterical and great fun to be with!

Perhaps my concerns come from the fact that i can't watch her at nursery so feel helpless!

aww jaffa, it really is normal, even the only picking on smaller kids.
children don't get much control over their lives, they're always being told what to do, where to go, what they can and can't have or do or watch or eat
they like to try and get some of that control back, and this is an easy way to do it, especially if the child you're targetting is younger/smaller.

she doesn;t know it's wrong, but she will learn. and as long as you're happy with how nursery are dealing with it then don't worry that you aren't there to watch out for her, or watch what she's doing. Hopefully they're experienced enough in this to be dealing with it in the best way possible.

How good is her understanding? I am making a big effort with ds at the moment to talk about how sometimes his behaviour might make other people feel sad. how he feels when children take things from him etc etc and trying to get him to think about that sort of thing,
it isn't going to change overnight, not even close, but it is something I think they all need to go through

her understanding is PERFECT which seems to make it worse to me! She is a bright little girl. I am constantly explaining the consequences of her actions to her but.....

We are now practicing ALOT of sharing with her 8 month old brother. Poor thing is about to get the brunt of it!

I sway from thinking I should play with her more to thinking i do too many activities with her in the week and that may be the cause of her behavour! I have just spent 20 mins tonight cutting out shapes etc to do some sticking with her tomorrow morning to get the day off to a good start!! Pathetic really

Thanks for your support

i think the key is in the words "we socialise alot with other children....."

No 2 year old socialises successfully with other children all the time, and some can't really at all!

We socialise children with each other much more now than in the past IMO and I think this puts a pressure on the kids and the parents.

Her behaviour is completely normal. If it's a pain, socialise a bit less (you can still get out and do things, park, swimming, farm - where you see people but the focus is not on children playing with eachother) but I'd bear in mind that all you have to do is keep explaining, keep showing her where the boundaries are, and keep letting her watch you and learn from you

sometimes I think kids may learn more socialisation from mum having a group of MUM'S friends round, than from other kids!

Fingerwoman - good post.

At this age they have very little real control and feel like they understand and so should be able to make their own decisions and control their own actions all the time. It is a terrible time of conflict for them because they are babies and need and wnt you but they need to do it themselves and have things the way they desire and they just so want people to understand and do everything they exactly the way they want them to. Then they don't and it is so frustrating to be under five!

FWIW an aside, having an 8m brother makes a big difference, I'm guessing he is getting to the age where he is beginning to encroach on her toys and attention and playtime. This bit is hard and settles down when ds can start playing a bit more independently with or alongside her.

My pals 20mth has recently started pushing only girls. And my DS seems to go for the smaller and weaker kids too!

My pals 20mth has recently started pushing only girls. And my DS seems to go for the smaller and weaker kids too!

My DD who is now 3 went through a similiar stage. I don't have any top tips but can offer some hope. She was definately the most stroppy, tantrum-y toddler of her peers, classic toddler according to the books. A number of times I thought I'd loose the plot with her and felt at my wits end. She recently turned three and literally almost overnight she has changed into a little person who I can negotiate with and who is finally learning some civilised ways to behave! Hurrah! Someone posted about socialising and I think there might be something in this, my DD would definately be worse if we had done a lot of socialising. So perhaps try to go for quality over quantity (and on neutral territory) and hold your nerve. It does get better!