Leaving tweens home alone

[youlookoktome]

Hello 👋

I’m not sure where to post this but hopefully some of you can weigh in/point me in the right direction. Just looking for some opinions about leaving kids home alone. Not sure if my feelings are over the top or normal.

My XP leaves DC home alone often. DC is sensible and almost 13. Popping to the shops quickly doesn’t bother me but I do feel a bit uncomfortable about longer periods of time. XP does tend to leave them alone for longer periods reasonably often, as far as I know.

ATM the issue is leaving the house when DC is asleep. XP was planning a night out a while ago but I wasn’t comfortable with DC being left home alone late at night. In the end they didn’t go but were shitty with me because they just don’t see any issue.

Recently XP has been going out in the mornings when DC is still asleep - TBF sometimes they do sleep until 10am or later, because teenager, but still. Obviously DC could/will then wake up to no one in the house and no idea where they are or when they left etc.

I know at almost 13 they’re vaguely self sufficient/aware of danger/able to grab a snack…am I being overprotective here? Is it normal(?) for kids this age to be left to their own devices at anytime of the day/night?

TIA for any opinions/advice!

Does she definitely wake up and not know where he is? I left DD (some age) asleep this morning when I went swimming at 7am. I was back before she woke up but I told her last night where I was going and when I'd be back.

I wouldn't leave her late at night though whilst I was out with friends.

I think that your XP should text the 13yo before going out in the morning so that they know he’s gone.

It’s hard to vote because I don’t know what a long period of time is to you. Most 13 year olds are fine to be home alone for a working day. If you haven’t taught them basics of self care like making a meal then that’s something that you and your ex need to teach her.

A couple of hours here & there is fine imo. Not late at night though 🤷‍♀️ I sometimes do an early dog walk (not early for normal humans, early for teens) and leave a note on top of them on the bed haha!

My ds is 12 and I don’t leave him for longer than a couple of hours really, and certainly not in the evening.

My 12yo is often still asleep when I take her younger sister (11yo) to her sport on Sundays. She also often goes to bed before I get home with her sister from a club another night.

Shes home alone for 4-5hrs regularly.
They are home together for 2.5hrs once a week, and some other occasions

They are both capable and trustworthy.

Only you and your ex know how capable your child is.

I only tend to leave them if I can get back to them independently... no relying on taxis or public transport. So walking distance or no drinking (i.e. extracurricular runs).

Soon ill be adding a 6am trip out to drop their dad at the train station once a week... that will take 40mins and I'll be home before they need to be up for school. They ate both fine with this.

They have done, yeah. If it had been mentioned the night before I think I’d feel differently but spontaneously going out when there’s been no mention or it’s not routine feels different.

Hours at a time I suppose. They are left alone at times because of work routines etc and are capable TBH. I suppose what makes me feel uncomfortable is when it happens without prior knowledge? If they know you’re going to be out or it’s a routine thing that’s one thing but spontaneously deciding to go out for hours without saying anything just seems off to me

They are capable tbf and are left alone during the week because of work schedules and so on. I feel ok about those times because they’re routine and DC is comfortable with them too. It’s just when it’s unplanned(?) and not communicated it makes me uncomfortable

How does your child feel about it?

I think it's a bit odd not to let them know in some way before going out but I also don't think it's a big deal for them to be alone in the mornings for a bit. At that age, surely most kids are sometimes alone for full days during the school holidays?

The night out - depends on a few factors, how mature and comfortable your child is, what the area is like, do they know the neighbours, how far away is your ex etc. But 12 doesn't seem outrageously young to be alone for an evening

Leaving them alone is fine. Not communicating is not fine.

They’re usually pretty nonplussed during the week and it’s the standard routine of leaving for work/getting home after etc. They don’t always like it but that’s life sometimes I suppose! I know they’d feel uncomfortable being alone at night. They don’t always communicate well with XP about how they feel but that’s another issue altogether.

This is exactly how I’m feeling I think

What time is he leaving them until?

He definitely needs to talk to them.