To have second child?

[wonkeydonkey4]

Undecided on second child. To put into context DH is an only child, he has always ever only wanted one child. We have a DD6 - she's a good sleeper and eater and generally very well behaved. I was always wanting 2 children but in the last few years have been quite content with one. Out of the blue DH has said he wants another one! I'm pushing the wrong end of 30 (closer to 40). Unsure what to do... anyone else been in the same situation? Did you go for it?

We went for it. Firmly OAD for 5 years after our first. Out of the blue I suddenly felt like we needed to try for our second. Our second is one month and I gave birth at 37 when my first was 6. I hope you make the right choice for your family. Staying as you are or having one more.. each will have its benefits. I love being a mum to two children. I realise we only ever thought we were 'done'. Now my daughter is here, I know what being really done feels like.

We had planned to have just one, then changed our minds when DC1 was 2.5. Took quite a long time to conceive DC2 so the age gap was almost 4 years. But that has turned out better than a short gap imo, because I loved the baby and toddler years and really relished being able to focus on each child's needs separately (DC1 was in preschool when DC2 was born, and started school a few months later).

We feel completely done now (DH has had the snip, and I'll be mid-40s this year anyway).

I feel that you have to want a second child as much as you wanted your first one. I waited until I felt like that, in any case. And I love having two but it is harder than having one and mine are chalk and cheese in terms of personalities.

I personally wouldn’t bother with the age gap- sorry I know plenty will disagree. I love having two but in part because they have eachother and schleping two around with a smaller age gap is beneficial. Doubling the work load without that close age wouldn’t be my choice.

My second is totally different to my first. Walking at 9m and has just climbed out the highchair at 10m. My first was comparatively easy! My first loved (and still loves) books and would enjoy ready exploring and taking them off the bookshelf. The second just wants to scale the bookshelf and is an absolute kamikaze. Second has been shovelling in food since day 2 of weaning and eats more than their sibling in a ridiculously messy way. My first threw food on the floor and some got flicked up the wall but mostly it wasn't too messy. This one you need to jet wash the child, highchair and surrounding area after every meal 😂 Both the same sex! They do adore each other.

My DH is an only child and he has thoroughly enjoyed seeing both his kids bond and grow together because he never had that. He just quietly watches them sometimes and gets all soppy 😂

Age gap here is 2.5y and that feels huge. We wanted a smaller age gap but nature had other ideas and we endured a fair amount of heartache, 36 when DC1 arrived and 38 when DC1 arrived.

Having just one is certainly easier! I find we do a lot less now too because dc2 is a liability and I don't feel confident taking them both out myself. I do take them out myself but only certain places that I know well and know they're totally contained. And obviously money is tighter!

But we both really wanted a second so there was never any doubt. I just hadn't expected them to be so chalk and cheese with the same nurture and nature 😂

Good luck in your decision!

The age gap is certainly something to consider. There is 6.5 years between my two but I'm still in the newborn trenches with no.2 so not really qualified to comment on how bad/good the age gap is.

I came on to say “age gap”. There are no rights and wrongs, of course, but it does have a big difference on your family dynamic, so it’s worth being aware of that. A seven year age gap will not mean two kids being “brought up together”, as it were. A smaller age gap can mean you feel you miss out on your toddler because there’s a baby to contend with; a big gap can feel like bringing up two only children at times. This can be exacerbated (not always, but can be) if you have kids of a different sex; girls tend to mature a bit earlier, so a 14 year old girl and her 7 year old brother will be poles apart. (My friend has an older DD and a DS who is 5 years younger and finds any sort of “whole family activity” pretty challenging. There isn’t a film they can all happily see, for example).

After a particularly challenging bedtime (not that 4 week olds have a bedtime) with my two, 100% do not recommend a second child after all. The cryinggg fml. Life with one that is 6 is SO GoOD. Think carefully about whether you want to F that up.

If it helps, there are 6 years between me and my sister and we are close. The gap actually helped as there was less competition like comparing grades and other milestones.

Mum of a 9 year old and 3 year old here.
A 6 year age gap is no fun at all and I wish I'd have had them closer together but mc/stillbirth hindered those plans unfortunately. They're completely into different things and if you have one of each like I do then finding a balance for days out/activities/mutual enjoyment is nearly impossible.
If you're content with one I'd stick at that!