Hi,
I have a 10 month old boy who I absolutely adore. He is so loving and happy, I'm truly blessed with him - asides from his constant wake ups but hopefully one day he will sleep through the night ha
My issues are: I'm a single mom with no family and I have friends but I don't see them anymore and they don't help/support. The father of my child is useless - alcholic and drug addict. He has taken care of my son on 3 occasions amounting to 2hrs and he doesnt pay maintenence. I don't want to bring him to court because he will file for legal guardianship and will make my life hell then out of spite. I've so much resentment and anger for the man he has turned out to be and how he does nothing to take care of my son. I'm jealous I suppose that he gets to go out, watch a film, eat, have a shower. I don't know how to get over this resentment/anger. I would love to get to a place where it doesn't bother me and I have peace- how do I that when I hate how he is towards my son and knowing the suffering my son is going to feel knowing his dad doesn't give a shit about him.
The other issue I have is its so hard taking care of baby by myself with no help at all. Its been 10 months and I've literally had a 2hr break over 3 occasions. They say it takes a village and I now understand why. I don't want to feel sorry for myself or pitiful but I feel like somedays I'm going down that rabbit hole which makes me feel sad, lonely and depressed. I just don't have any me time, I always seem to look a state, I haven't lost thr baby weight in fact put on due to unhealthy eating habits to make myself feel better. I want to enjoy being a mam, I want to be happy and I am sometimes but other times I just feel so lost and angry. I'm also grieving- I lost my first son May 22 having survived 7 days. Some days it just a struggle to put 1 foot in front of the other - I do for my son but I don't want it to be like that.