Gosh, I don’t know where to start, and sorry if this is long. Our daughter’s behaviour is becoming more and more unmanageable and I need some strategies to deal with her.
We have two children - DS who is 11 and DD who is 8 (9 in May).
DS is fairly laidback, always does what he’s told, a stickler for rules and likes to please. He can be a bit socially awkward though and lacks confidence, and would happily play on a computer all day if he was allowed to. If you ask him to do something, it’ll get done no problem at all. On the rare occasion you have to give him into trouble, a quick word is all that’s needed.
DD is very different - always on the go, loves being busy, leaning new things, painting, playing, talking. She is non-stop and I do wonder if there could be an ADHD diagnosis at some point. She seems to be super intelligent (more so than her brother was at her age) and also loves to please but constantly wants attention. She has an answer for everything and will fight her corner until she’s blue in the face.
I always say DS takes after me and DD after her dad (DH). At school both children have good reports particularly around behaviour and manners etc.
DD and DH seem very much on the same wavelength, they have a great time together but sometimes they are so similar that they can wind each other up to the point that neither will back down and admit defeat.
DD and DS have a typical sibling relationship - get on well and can play together but also hate each other 5 minutes later.
I struggle to work out where the main problem stems from, but I think it is DD’s complete inability to accept responsibility when she does something wrong. She’s the kind of child that will push and push and push until you can’t take anymore. Warnings don’t have any effect, if you send her to her room she will argue her case and refuse to move (always done with a smirk on her face too). If she does eventually go to her room, she will still not accept responsibility and always has a reason for her behaviour.
My husband finds her very difficult to deal with as she will talk over him and argue and refuse to do as she’s told. This usually ends in a shouting match between them. I can usually control my temper more around her but even I am stumped on how to get her to accept responsibility and not answer back (of course, I am glad that she can stand up for herself!). When I tell her teacher how she is at home, they can’t believe it! She is also awful to her brother and scratches him. We spend so much time trying to deal with DD’s behaviour that it feels that DS is forgotten about a lot of the time.
I guess I am really just looking to see if anyone has any advice or experience in dealing with this kind of behaviour. If she’s like this when she’s 8, I don’t even want to think what she’ll be like by the time she’s in her teens!! DH and I both agree that we would never have spoken to our parents the way she speaks to us.