When will I be happy again? Postpartum (2 under 2)

[JuicyOrange01]

Just looking for some hope i guess.

I have a 23 month old and a 5 week old and I’m really struggling since the birth. I feel like a grey cloud is hanging over me and I’m very teary. I expected this for the beginning but not to still feel like this.
I just want to be happy again and enjoy my family.

I have 0 motivation to do anything which is a good thing really as I had a c section plus an infection so still can’t drive. I can’t take both babies out on my own either for a walk due to a back problem brought on through pregnancy which I’m under physio for.

I’ve been very lucky and received so much support from family and friends and have a wonderful hands on partner, so I don’t understand why I feel like this?

Im breastfeeding and getting enough sleep. My mum moved in for 3 weeks to help with the baby and toddler when DP went back to work and my mother in-law has been taking the toddler a couple of days a week on top. I have friends also regularly popping in to see me.

I have so much support so I do not understand why I feel this way.

Im on 10mg escitalopram which I was on prior to pregnancy. The GP is reluctant to increase dosage as I’m breastfeeding. So I feel stuck with no end in sight.

I have no motivation to go out or get dressed. Even if I did have motivation I couldn’t go out without another adult due to my back anyway.

I was so happy prior to this and excited for baby. I’ve bonded with the baby and love my babies. They aren’t particularly difficult either. So why do I feel like I want to run away?

When will this get better? I want to feel again joy so bad. I just feel so flat and shit and tired all the time, no matter how much rest I get.

DP has tried to plan day trips with the babies and even a childfree few hours to get something to eat but that just felt like so much effort and I still felt crap after.

what is the solution here?

is it just time? Just hormones? Something else?

I think I just need a handhold. I can’t stop crying, I feel so sad 😔.

The first three months are really hard due to hormonal changes, but I think it gets better after three months.
This is just something to think about ... if you're really feeling low, maybe you can give your baby formula and up your medicine. I know it is a very hard decision to make, but sertraline helped me immensely.

Hi OP, I have an 17m age gap between mine (now 7mo and 2yo). I had/have PND hanging around from DC1.

I've read your post twice to make sure that what I'm about to tell you isn't totally inappropriate.

I have had such a similar experience to you, especially regarding the amount of family help available to me.

The way out for me, was to lean in.

Everyone was trying to help and give me a 'break' but nothing was working, there was no break long enough to fix what was going on in my head.

One week, for whatever reason, help wasn't available. So I had the two kids by myself all day mon-fri (DH at home in the eves). And it was hard, awful at times, I cried, they cried, but the PND was not there.

The oppressive feelings were gone.

So, I didn't say no to all help (that would be mad) but I scaled it back a lot. I started getting really organised, figuring out what activities were on everyday in our are, getting us all in to a routine and spending a lot more time just us.

Basically the moment I stopped trying to escape, or 'run away', everything clicked. Even though my brain and body was telling me to do the opposite.

Even an awful day with the kids when everything crashes and burns doesn't feel as bad as PND, because you know it's going to pass, everyone will go to sleep and then next day is a clean slate.

Anyway, of course it may not work for you but I hope that's helpful and I wish someone had told me to try it sooner!

You've just gone through a massive transition. It's not easy. It's overwhelming. It's a huge responsibility. Hormones hit you hard after birth, they did for me too. In a few months it's likely you'll feel so different. Stay open and honest with the people you trust and keep relying on others for help. You can get through this. Definitely keep talking to your doctor, if you have PPD it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and extremely common. X

The first 6 months were AWFUL I just remember crying all the time. I suspect it would have improved after that had it not become clear DS (14 months older than DD) had ASD and significant learning difficulties

”I had a c section plus an infection”

The above on its own is enough to make you feel lousy without two children needing your attention. It’s great you have support but it’s still a lot on your shoulders.
I know you say you expected it to be getting easier by now but 5 weeks is still very very early days. You will remember from last time how quickly things change.
In a couple of weeks when you can get out and about under your own steam you will feel like a different person. Hang in there.

Was it a planned c section? I think an emergency one plus a load of visitors and help could make you feel like things are out of your control, as pp said.

Maybe trying to crack on and take the reins more might actually help. You're sort of being given the message that your body can't do birth and now you can't cope and it's all beyond you. Maybe it is, but maybe you just need to feel more control.

I had long birth ending in cs with DD, went a bit doolally for a while feeling things were just crazy and my hormones were all over the place and felt like I was being churned in a machine. One day it just clicked and felt better - I laughed at something on TV. Not saying that would work for you but a change of perspective (watch, listen, go outdoors a bit etc) might help.

And if need be, formula and antidepressants are better than feeling awful.

Should have been clear, I don't mean try this tomorrow! You've still got a bit of recovering to do!

i was totally overwhelmed when my 2nd dc was born, 20 months after the firstX It was awful. I recall clearly going out by myself to get something when my dh was looking after them and seriously contemplating driving away and just keeping on going.

you will get better and start to enjoy parenthood, promise. You might need some extra help from the GP/HV in the meantime thoughts

2 under 2 (22 months so sounds like your gap) was so difficult for me, I had postnatal anxiety breastfeeding - couldn’t bf my first so was determined - and I put so much pressure on myself to cope with two and be a ‘good mum’. The transition from 2 to 3 was a world of difference and felt so natural, not that I’m suggesting you’ll have another, I’m just saying how 1 to 2 hit me like a truck! The worse transition!
Time will help, currently sat on the sofa with my 6&8 yr old watching team titans. They play so well together & there’s a lot of love in our family. You will get through this, please just give it time x

Thank you all so much for your replies.

They have helped me not feel so alone with this ‘cloud’ over me.

I think what you’ve all said about taking control and ‘leaning in to it’ may be key here actually. I think having so much support makes me feel like I ‘can’t cope’ if that makes sense. Like it’s some impossible situation im in so now must rely on outside resources to get through the days.

this upcoming week I have 2 days fully on my own with them both and then the week after it’s just me and them 2 from then on. I’ll be 6+ weeks post partum at that point and hopefully back on my feet and able to drive etc.

I think being immobile after birth for so long has had a major impact. I couldn’t cope before without so much support because I physically couldn’t even get up the stairs. Yet I had a toddler wanting me and a newborn wanting to cluster feed. So without my family I’d have been screwed when DP went back.

Hoeever despite my mobility now coming back I’m still left with that ‘can’t cope’ feeling.

I feel like I was to check into a hotel and not return for 6 months when I’m back stronger and the babies aren’t stuck to my boobs and wrapped around my legs and I I can physically and mentally manage.

I remember struggling those first 3 months with my first until I settled into a routine and my life started to get better and then every week became more and more enjoyable. I’m praying I get to that point sooner rather than later. But the longer I depend on others the longer it’s gonna take. I think I need to use this week when I have them on my own to start some resemblance of a routine.

thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to me. It’s made a difference.