Am I damaging my child by not doing many “activities”?

[WheatCrunchies86]

I’m a FTM to a 19 month old and we don’t do much on weekends and spend a lot of time at home. Is it bad that we don’t do things like swimming or soft play? DH and I have always been introverted home birds so we naturally tend to play together at home a lot, do crafts etc. We might go to the park, see family or have friends round but we don’t do full on activities. Am I causing my son to miss out? Will he be disadvantaged in any way?

I don't think it's 'damaging' but it's nice for kids to get out, have fun and meet others.

As long as those needs are being met, you've plenty of time to expand activities when he's older and starts asking.

Can you bring him to toddler groups? I think it’s important for him to see and interact with other children his age.

Are you at home all week? Just you and the little one?
While I don’t think that many activities is needed for a child that age I would ask you to think about how much socialisation your child gets with people who aren’t you? Do they see other family? Spend any time with kids their own age?
I would recommend taking them swimming as it’s a very useful skill and water confidence is helpful. You can just do that by yourself though.
I would also suggest looking for a local playgroup or stay and play. Or see what the library has going on? It would be good for your baby to start meeting a few new people.

What about on weekdays? Does he go to nursery?

NO! You are doing your child a big favour by not having constant activities.

This is a modern sickness - constant spoon feeding entertainment to children with activities.

When I was young it was common to have a child entertain itself with its toys - obviously safely and in a safe space and with an adult there. Nowadays none of that happens its constant constant constant out and about to soft play/the farm/the painting cafe etc.

This generation of children will have no ability to self-entertain, self -sooth or actually have any real creative imagination. Making up stories yourself with your toys is how story telling begins.

As long as your child gets some social interaction with other children (which will happen anyway when they go to nursery/school)or other people it's all fine. You don't want a child overly dependent on you and scared of strangers

I agree it's important for him to spend some time around other children, even if it's just at the playground. Does he go to nursery?

I'd also suggest taking him swimming occasionally so he gets used to the water. It doesn't need to be an organised class.

I would do one thing each week where you both meet other people that allows him to play with other children. Otherwise preschool is going to be a bit of a jump. I am naturally shy and spent hours at home playing and making crafts with my mum and I found school a really hard adjustment. As a result I threw my children into everything.

Not at 19 months old no.

If he was 5 then maybe.

DD doesn’t do activities every weekend and she is 4, but she does 4 long days at nursery which are full on.

I an ab introverted hone bird too so I get you. But I make SURE I get out atleast once a day for a nature walk. Looking at leaves or shells on the beach. It's really important for my child's development and its my job to educate and nurture her development. Engaging in different kinds of play and just getting her out in the fresh air. I also think it's important to take her to messy play or a group once a week. I keep myself to myself and just watch her play or help her. If I wanted to stay home and do nothing all the time when I'm not working then I wouldn't have had a child.

Do you go out in the garden or walk to the local shop? They need fresh air and movement- it's good for their sleep too.
They don't need classes but socialising one way or another is good.

The thing with being at home for me is I run out of things to do with them. This inevitably leads to more screen time so I try and get out most of the day.

There's different ways to raise DC but activities that get them moving (swimming/soft play/running in the park) and socialising (toddler group/park with other DC/soft play) are really good for their development.

My DC have always done lots of sporty activities (they both have ADHD and NEED to move) and socialising and now at 9 and 12 you can see a huge difference between them and similarly aged cousins who just haven't. Differences include fitness levels/physical abilities, ability to make new friends/play with unknown children in the park etc. As well as self-confidence, managing risks and negotiating social things.

I don't think that just going to school for example is enough to teach children how to socialise with peers (and children who are older/younger). Children need to be able to do that outside of the school environment.

You definitely don't need to do organised activities at that age. Getting to be out and about with bits of interaction with other people is enough. Even if it's just food shopping with an old lady chatting to him in the trolley. Or a park where there are other toddlers and they can play alongside one another.

It doesn't have to be soft play or swimming. Those things are lovely but your child won't be damaged without experiencing them.

This is completely irrelevant- OP is asking about formal activities, not going for a walk. She does plenty with her child at home. Perhaps work on your reading comprehension and do less walking!

@3WildOnes @Footprintsinthesand @Smartiepants79 He goes to nursery 3 days a week so he sees and interacts with other kids his age then. On his days with me, we always go outside for a walk or to the shops at least. Sometimes the library. And on weekends we often see family or friends at our house or their house.

We used to go to stay and plays before I went back to work but now that he’s at nursery, I like to give him a break on his days with me as he’s always exhausted from nursery.

At 19 months no you don't need organised activities if he is also at nursery. The older he gets though then he will need more and I don't think they can ever be too young to start swimming, it is an essential life skill.
Up to school age it is beneficial to get them out and about in fresh air and nature as much as possible.

I would say it depends what you do at home. If you just sit in front of the TV/phone and don't speak or play games or read together than I would imagine that will disadvantage them more.
Fresh air is good for them and a building awareness of life outside the door and (interacting with) different people/vehicles/weather/shops is a good basis for learning but as for extra curricular paid for activities, think you don't need to worry about for awhile.

At that age, having an engaged caregiver and the types of daily life things you mentioned like crafts, seeing family or walks in parks is great. They're still learning how the basics work and really, doing things you enjoy at this age will make it easier to share that joy in life with the child. And with nursery, having some relaxed time can have its benefits just like people of all other ages.

It's nice for them to get used to a range of experiences and people. Some children at that age thrive on that and get antsy without it and others need that slower/more spaced out or they get overwhelmed, and some flit between the those modes.

Some things others find essential just might not work at this time: like with swimming, my oldest enjoyed it and did it a lot when he was small, my second absolutely hated it, would cling to me and be upset the whole time (turned out it's a major sensory issue for her, she learned to float and do basic swimming at 12 with a lot of support and going at the local pool's quietest time), my third couldn't go into a pool without her skin breaking out in a painful rash til she was nearly 5... They're all lovely teenagers now, can't really tell which one had lots of early swimming and the ones who didn't.

Not at that age.
ds started nursery at around 2 and half years so now sees children 3hrs each morning. But apart from nursery has no other regular activities. This weekend he’s just been with dh and I, hadn’t seen any other children and seems happy enough. He’s been outside everyday, walking, with us gardening, on bike, to shops.

He’s at nursery 3 days a week so that’s fine. It would be an issue I think if he wasn’t though! Toddlers need socialisation but he’s getting that so all good. You’re also doing plenty of different activities, not like he’s being plonked in front on the TV for hours. Again all good. Also re swimming, it’s a bit pointless before 3.5-4. If you enjoy it then sure it’s nice to do together but very very few children can actually master any real swimming before that age because the muscle tone simply isn’t there, so don’t worry about that either.

My DC have always done lots of sporty activities (they both have ADHD and NEED to move) and socialising and now at 9 and 12 you can see a huge difference between them and similarly aged cousins who just haven't. Differences include fitness levels/physical abilities, ability to make new friends/play with unknown children in the park etc. As well as self-confidence, managing risks and negotiating social things.

I'd agree with this, as a principle. Although still saying there's no need for organised activities at 19months. I think it is good for all dc to be used to being with adults other than parents.

Your 2nd post confused me though, as I read 'FTM in your op as 'full time mum'. The fact your little one is at Nursery 3x a week covers everything they need to be used to being with others.

If he goes to nursery he’ll be seeing lots of other people and he’ll be fine.

Whe he gets a bit older it might be good to do some kind of sport/activity just so he gets into the habit of doing something, doesn’t matter what it is as long as he enjoys it. I didn’t do this with my DDs because I couldn’t afford it and it was impossible to manage work/activities as a single mum. Then when they were teens they could have done activities but they didn’t want to and it’s been impossible to change their minds.

At 19 months, neither swimming nor soft play is going to be a social activity.

I took my two swimming at the health club when they were tiny. The result was that S1 could look after himself in the pool by the time he was 2; whereas S2 resisted actual swimming for years, and screamed blue murder when I then tried to put a flotation jacket on him at Center Parcs, so I had to spend the entire time closely following him round anyway (he was 17 months at the time).

Crafts and the park, supplemented by library, seems fine to me. If you want to increase his social skills, take him to a midweek toddler group (and get involved, at least initially, in his interactions).

However hard you try, a child who only interacts with adults is not going to get much experience at sharing (it was part of S1's nursery report... "and now his shared play is much more caring and considerate")

Oh, I hadn't refreshed... well, if he's at nursery as well I don't think you need to worry at all.

It’s totally fine. He’s not missing out at all, especially if he is at nursery 3 days/week and other children are coming to your house. Carry on getting away with it while you can. By 2.5 - 3 they start wanting proper entertainment!

Three days at nursery and the weekends potentially doing other socialising is completely fine. I’d enjoy your quiet days together.