At my wits end

[L96F]

Cut a long story short.
I stay at home with the kids 8,6 and 1.
Partner works away mon-fri and home sat and sun. I did work part time before youngest was born. But decided because of nursery fees etc we could manage on his wages. It was always a strain being on my own if the kids was poorly etc there was no one to help me out. But me working in the job I did I had to work every other weekend which I hated as with him being away we only had two weekend out the month together as a family. Money aspect it works. But I do literally everything. Which I get when he’s away but when he’s home is it really too much to ask for him to help around the house or with the kids. He takes the 2 oldest swimming for an hour or so on a Saturday that’s it. All I get is I work 60+ hours a week. I do 24:7 7 days a week. He wanted a dog doesn’t walk it I have to. When I snap or say something the wrong way he just sits and doesn’t move for the day and doesn’t speak but yet I don’t say anything and he still sits there. Like yesterday decided to cook him self something at 2 and then proceed to say he won’t want any tea. But yet tea time came and I was the one who cooked and cleaned for the kids while he sat watching a film. The only things he will actually do for him self without being asked or moaned at is doing his washing for work (won’t just put a load of mine or the kids on if it’s there) , shopping for work (doesn’t have a clue what to get for the house) or making something to eat for him self. He will make the kids a sandwich for lunch the odd occasion. Ive not had a lay in in 8 years. He’s the one that stays in bed on weekends. Claims he doesn’t hear the kids. Like when they was all babies never did a night feed. The kids are my world and I would never not do something just because he can’t be arsed. He won’t alter his job as he loves it and always wanted to do it. His dad did and both grandfathers did. His dad acted the same way as he does now when he was growing up. But I guess even though it isn’t the way to be it was different times. I get it but something has to give. I’ve finally had enough and considering leaving. I guess I just needed to vent.
I no I’ve rambled so I’m sorry

It wasn’t “different times”.

If you have both an 8 and 1 year old, I’m going to put you around the 28-35 yo range. If your own mother is 65, she was 25 in 1984. Long long after “women’s lib”.

My father is 83 and used to cook, clean and look after children.

Your children are watching this is 2024. If 2049 (when this shit persists as they grew up with it) aren’t they just going to say, “mum did everything - but of course in 2024 they didn’t have the same notions of fairness, respect for SAHP, understanding of mental load…”

As it happens I do think you should do the majority of the domestic load, given your specific scenario. But that doesn’t allow him to treat you like shit. I’d absolutely give him an ultimatum- but one that I’d follow through, and end it.

I’m shuddering at “partner” though. He’s not. Why do people use the word partner for a boyfriend who doesn’t act in the slightest like a partner? Plus… I’m going to take a guess that the reason you’re not married isn’t because you had assets you wanted to protect? Please tell me that the house is in both your names 😬

I can see this from both sides OP. It must feel like you are a single parent as you are with the children on your own all week.

Does your husband actually work 60+ hours a week, because that is a lot of hours. Does he have a long drive home to see you every weekend? Driving a long way is very tiring. Is he just too tired when he comes home to help you?

He drives for a living. The actual work place is a five minute drive from our house. House is in both our names.