Co parenting when father works shift patterns

[Pinksky14]

Is anyone else in a similar situation. My child’s father works shift patterns. So each week he never has the same days off. 4 days on 4 days off. So he will pick and choose what days he sees the child. Some weeks he doesn’t some weeks it might just be a pick up from school. He will let me know last minute if he chooses to see child that week and I feel I need to agree because otherwise child won’t see him. Which means sometimes changing our own plans to suit him. I just don’t think I can do this for another 10 years. It’s draining. I never know where I am. Child has no consistency. I’ve tried to say every week we agree to what days he has child but then I never get a reply or he will forget. I just don’t know what the answer is. Maybe someone has a good idea that I’ve not thought of to gained some consistency

My dp's ex is a nurse and she gives him her shifts on a monthly basis. Will he give you his rota so you can agree in advance?

Sorry just reading again, the shift patterns aren't the real issue, it seems like his attitude is?
I've not been in that situation and really feel for you and your child.

I would ask @MNHQ to move this over to the Relationship Section as you'll get some more replies, usually from MNers who've had to deal with this kind of shit attitude

This. Childcare on his days is his problem, not yours.

How are you managing to work around this? There should be a structured contact agreement. On days where he may be working he should arrange childcare in the same way you presumably need to. He's just as much a parent as you are, you shouldn't be left to figure everything out or build your life around your ex.

Not sure what you can do, my ex didn’t work shifts (in fact he doesn’t work) but still would pick and choose when he sees our children and would only see them when he could be bothered / had nothing better to do, and only tell me at the last minute but never a day or time. Not much you can do as you can’t force them sorry not much help

I am in the same situation, my ex doesn't know what he's working until the day before. It's hard work, social life is non existent because I never know when he will have the kids.

@BringItOnxxx yes unfortunately he’s not great to deal with and doesn’t seem to care and will see child as it suits him. I just want some consistency for child now they are older. Yes to be fair he does share his rota. But I suggest days and I don’t get a reply or he will just not turn up saying he’s forgotten. It’s basically always on his terms.

@Checkeringin Unfortunately that’s why I’m struggling. Because my life is built around him. At the moment he will just message and say can I see child this day etc. but it’s normally night before he tells me and I normally agree as I want child to see him. There’s no set days he will go some weeks without seeing child as he’s busy on all four days he has off?! I work full time too and it’s me that has to sort child care etc during school holidays. I just wanted to get some consistency so me and child know where we are each week.