AIBU first time away from baby DD

[GraceyDoodles]

My DD is 4 months old. I had an Indian cooking experience day for Christmas last year off my SIL. It's a group thing - also going is my MIL and a couple of other women close to my SIL. When I was pregnant, I agreed to go. It's an hour away in Manchester. The experience is around 3 hours long and my SIL said there could be plans for dinner/ drinks after. I'm EBF my DD and haven't got to grips with pumping. The experience is in two weeks time. It's come up all of a sudden and I feel so worried about leaving my DD, I feel so attached. I don't feel ready to leave her yet.
Other option is for my DH to drive into Manchester with us and sit in the bar next door with DD for three hours. I could pop out to feed her. He is willing to do this and wants me to go, he said that he can't really understand my feelings around being away from DD. AIBU to dread the whole thing and want to cancel on my SIL? She isn't the most flexible and wasn't very understanding when I shared my worries the other day.

It’s only an hour away, I would try it and if you don’t fancy it, then go home. I would really try and persevere with a bottle, it makes things so much easier.

I personally wouldn't have wanted to leave my EBF daughter for more than a couple of hours at that age. I think if your DH is willing to stay nearby with her do that you can still go and enjoy yourself, while knowing you can drop in and feed/see her whenever you need to us a great compromise. It would be a shame to cancel altogether when you have a workable solution like that.
I don't think it's easy for men to understand the overwhelming instinct that women can have to not be separated from their babies, especially when exclusively breastfeeding.

It’s honestly up to you and you’re not being unreasonable at all if you choose not to go. But if you did fancy it I’d 100% take your husband up on his offer as it sounds like a good solution that will let you enjoy the day with your mind at rest that your baby is nearby

I also wouldn't go at this age if your baby is EBF.. your feelings are totally normal!

Does she take a bottle? If so, I’d have a trial run of leaving her for a few hours, and if she’s fine then go and have fun.

I wouldn’t just wing it, because I’ve had experiences of a EBF little one not being totally fine away from me. You don’t want that, and you don’t want to be worrying about that.

Thank you all xx
I am swaying towards my DH coming up with me. I agree about DH not understanding the emotional connection you have with your baby, it's such a strong motherly instinct you can't explain. I think I should probably go, there has to be a first time eventually and at least she won't be far away if he comes too.

I didn’t want to leave mine at this age either, or for a while longer tbh (also ebf, no bottles). It is early days still, don’t worry about what others will think and do whatever you feel comfortable with.. personally I feel your husband coming along is a great compromise, and you can always skip the dinner and drinks afterwards if you’d rather go home. But be kind to yourself and do what feels right to you!

This. I would also take a PP’s advice as well and keep persevering with pumping/bottle. Not for this occasion, but a time is going to come when baby is a bit older where you might just need a few hours away without worrying.

Take your DH up on his offer! Then head home after straight after. I can see how 5 hours away feels like much too long but it would be nice if you got a chance to get out and do something a bit different, and canpop by to see your baby part way through if you or she need. Unless you just don't want to do the activity at all, which is also fine.

Thank you, all very reassuring and good advice I think I will go, with DH and DD in the bar next door. Will make it clear to SIL that we intend to go home after the cooking.

Personally I wouldn't have wanted to do this with a breastfed 4 month old, but if you are really keen to go then definitely bring your DH with you.

Take your DH and go! Will be good for you to enjoy some non baby time as at some point you'll have to leave them

I wouldn't want my 4 month old in a bar in Manchester, presumably on a sat afternoon. There must be somewhere reasonably close by that's a little more baby friendly.
An hour away isn't an ideal for your first time away from baby, but you've also got to think about the practicality of touching your 4 mo with spices thst never quite leave your nails etc too, having to leave mid cooking something could be difficult as well if you've got the pans on etc.

It's awkward when you make plans when pregnant but honestly I'd just let her give it to a friend of hers if you're going to be this nervous about it.
A bar in the busy city centre is no place for a 4 month old. They will just be in their pram the whole time or being held by your DH, might not be able to nap due to noise, the football might be on. Not to mention all the colds and coughs flying about. Just not ideal!

I get you want to do both but sometimes parenthood is about doing what you're comfortable with. You probably feel SIL will moan if you back out and make you out to be an overprotective mum (which you are not being!) But if you have DH next door there will be comments about that as well.

‘but you've also got to think about the practicality of touching your 4 mo with spices thst never quite leave your nails etc’

Er, there are 23 million babies born in India each year. How ever do they survive those hazardous spices?!

@PopandFizz there's plenty of quiet bars on a Sat afternoon or coffee shops or they can walk around. All perfectly normal. As for the spices comment. Well I'm speechless.