I'm an awful parent!

[foreverchangingnappies]

Made a terrible decision and I feel awful!

My 3yo just will not get out the bath. He has a bath that sits in the shower as we don't have an actual bath. He loves the bath and loves playing, but when it's time to get out he just won't! This has been going on for weeks now, and makes me dread bathtime. I have a 1 year old too so bathing two at a time.. Get the baby out first then need the 3yo to get out.

Today I asked him nicely to get out, used a timer (this used to work but doesn't anymore), took away his TV time (after warnings), I drained the bath and he just laid in it empty. I can't just lift him out as it's a bit of an awkward angle around the side of a shower. So after about 20 mins trying I then said he'd have to have showers In future if he won't get out, and then said I'd run the shower which I did when he still refused. (I ran it next to the bath not in it so it didn't touch him at all!) Eventually he got out and we had a cuddle and I calmly explained how he needs to listen, but I just feel terrible as I should have handled it better!

I feel so bad. Anyone got any tips to get him to get out? We've tried asking nicely, timer, emptying bath, reward chart, consequences (e.g. no tv time) etc. so I'm at a loss!

I think what you did was great , don't see any issues with how you dealt with the situation. Not sure what to suggest apart from getting him used to the shower

I don't understand why you can't lift him out.
You can lift the other child out.

You didn’t do anything wrong! You aren’t a terrible parent I promise.

Is there anything that could entice him out? An episode of his favourite program? An extra story? Sticker chart?

Set out the rules before he gets in “We’re going to get in the bath now, let’s set a timer. When the timer goes off, that means you have five minutes left ok?” Set another timer for when it’s time to get out, or make it a game - who can get their PJs on the fastest? Can he find all the things he needs for bedtime before the timer goes off again? Toothbrush/pjs etc?

Doesn't sound like you did anything bad OP tbh.
Only thing is I wouldn't use the shower as a penalty if u want to then introduce showers later.
My youngest had a phase of this. Bath would be empty and he would slip around in it whilst I lost the will to live. I think he was just avoiding bed time tbh - I can't remember what we done or if we done anything or if he just stopped doing it/got bored of doing it.

Don't give yourself a hard time - bathing and bedding two at that age is a shift!!!

You're not a bad parent, mine was similar and still loves staying in the bath. I don't make a big thing of it, I don't say anything just run the water away and usually it isn't long before she calls me wanting to get out. Do you think if you left him there while getting the baby ready for bed he would come out afterwards?

I think you did fine. I might try luring him out rather than threatening him out—how about creating a special after bath treat (book, toy, game) that can only be accessed when bath ends appropriately: up, out, dried, dressed.

Your toddler may be regressing in competition with the baby who also gets the bath. If that is so these are deep emotions he may not be able to communicate but rather acts out: passively resisting bathtime ending, becoming attached to the bath itself.

You might not have the flexibility to do this but I might separate their bath times snd start showering him, or let him have bathtime with the other parent.

Sounds like a complete non event.

Have you tried doing a count down. Like " I need you out of the bath in 5,4,3 if I get to 1 I won't be pleased, 2, 1.

It works for my usually non compliant lively toddler.

What else could you have done? I think you were spot on.

What's wrong with running the shower on him while he's in the bath? Don't get it 🤔 I don't see that you did anything wrong, it's annoying when they won't get out

Anyone who ever worried about being a bad parent isn't. Bad parents never doubt their "abilities". I think you handled it fine. If it's a difficult time though, I'd consider bathing him when someone else can look after tour 1yo so you can concentrate properly

Crikey, I thought that you were going to say that you left him in the bath unattended. Now that would be bad parenting.
But you didn't do anything wrong, you handled it perfectly 😊
Please don't worry!

Because if OP's toddler is anything like mine they seem to shriek at the thought of a shower, not sure why !!!! ... mine is the same OP! Three year olds like a battle for the sake of it 😂

There's only one person in the wrong in this scenario and it isn't you!

Maybe don't say anything next time (after saying bath's finished), don't tell him to get out, no timer, no arguments, no persuading, just empty the bath and let him get out in his own time.

After making it into a lighthearted game etc and it’s still not working, personally, I’d say it’s time to get out of the bath now and you can choose: you can get out yourself or I can get you out. (This can be done gently and respectfully!)
Surely you can climb in and get him out? I wouldn’t keep doing back and forth or wait ages until he was ready if you’ve got to get on with bedtime etc.

You definitely didn't do anything wrong but I would stop trying to bargain with a 3 year old, you're not going to get anywhere. I'd change the set up so you can just get him out when bath time is done. Set a countdown timer like you've been doing so he has fair warning then when it's time to get out, just get him out. He's just refining stall and delay tactics and learning that they work. Our daughter is 2.5 and has tried similar tactics but a few nights of consistent getting out when we say get out tends to put a halt to it.

Thanks all you've made me feel a lot better! I do think I'm too hard on myself sometimes (mum guilt is definitely a thing isn't it!)

Bathing at a different time isn't an option, next time I will try my best just to get him out I think although because it's a little bath inside a shower it's very low down and awkward to carry him out and he's very heavy! My 1 year old has just turned 1 and can't walk yet so no option but to lift him out, plus he is a lot lighter at the moment!

I had to physically lift my 5 year old out the bath yesterday after 10 minutes of bargaining. I felt awful but what else can we do? I've realised I have to pick my battles and yesterday wasn't one of the days she had a choice

Couldn't you just leave him in the empty bath until he gets cold and gets out of his own accord? Maybe it's because my house is so cold haha but this works for us in less than 2min. Combine this with a heated towel rail for a cosy disem-bath-ation