To change school - DD6 Y2

[ITue5]

My DD6 has frequent meltdowns after school. Her school is hard out on homework/spelling/time tables. There are 29 kids in the class, and there has been a lot of change. Kids are coming and going constantly. Her best friend left. There’s a much smaller private school close to us with only 15 kids in the class, and we are considering moving her. I need to make sure that the private school is not too hard out and it’s nurturing. But she won’t go as she does have some lovely friends there. Also, we don’t know if she is masking in school and can’t cope with pressure there, so changing schools could be even worse. What would you do?

Hi, this sounds hard for both of you. Have you spoken to the teacher? Asked about homework and if they can be more flexible with what she does? Has she gone into year 1? It’s a big transition into that year group. Also why such high levels of movement in the class? Sorry lot of questions but will help to give advice.

1 - can you afford it. Long term, like for the next 12 years. Once she is in private education then moving her back out will be harder and a much bigger culture shock.
2- is there any suggestion from school that she may be neurodivergent? What do you feel are the actual cause of the meltdowns. This is not particularly ‘usual’ behaviour for a 6 year old.
3- have you spoken to school to see what flexibility or adjustments could be made.
What you describe about her school is not particularly unusual. Most classes will be about 28/29. Most schools will have kids coming and going. Most schools expect some level of homework.

Hi, she's in Y2. We are in London, so a lot of people are moving overseas or moving to the UK. Others left for private school or changed to another state school. They are not overly flexible, but we will stop doing homework as it causes stress.

1. Yes, I can afford it.
2. There is no suggestion from the school that she’s neurodivergent. She’s perfectly behaved at school. As for the usual behaviour - she’s not the only one who’s crying going in or has meltdowns. Several kids in her class/school are acting similarly.
3. The school is desperate to regain its outstanding rating, so it is not budging.
4. The homework is two large books (aimed at 8-9-year-olds), spelling, timetables, ten pages on adjectives, and maths homework so confusing that you need to look at the answers (I work in banking and find it ridiculous).
5. In general the parents have no desire to socialise as many live 20-30 minutes drive away… as they got a space in the school and then moved away

If all you’ve said is correct and you can comfortably afford it, then move her.
At the end of the day, she’s 6, you are her adult and need to make long term decisions for her. She can’t see the big picture. She might have nice friends but she’ll soon have different nice friends at the new school. Properly investigate the other school, visit it, see what their ethos is. Is it selective and therefore have high academic expectations? Find what you think will suit her better.

I'm in a very similar situation with my daughter who is 6 next month. I suspect she has ADHD and is a little lost sheep in our village primary. She's very bright but not challenged at all. Our school is the opposite in terms of work (they have 5 words to spell a week) and it's not enough for my little sponge 😂

We've secured a non means tested bursary until she's 16 at a local private school which has a very unique and inspiring approach to education. It's child led and very nurturing and I think it will be perfect for her.

We will have some financial help from grandparents but it does mean that our lovely holidays and other niceties that we enjoy will need to go on the back burner and it's a difficult position to be in.

Generally 6 year olds are resilient and will bounce back quickly with change especially at a young age but that might not be the case if your daughter is neurodiverse.

Have you seen the school? You need to do that first and then perhaps ask if she can have a taster day.