So lonely and isolated

[Lonelymummy1]

Just wanted to write on here, not expecting anything to come from it but just felt like writing it down. I’m feeling so lonely in motherhood. I love being a mum more than anything in the whole world. My little boy is two and a half and is my whole world. But I haven’t really got any mum friends. I try so hard to go to lots of groups and things but find it so cliquey and find that I can often go the whole session without anyone speaking to me. It makes me lose the very little self esteem that I have. I feel like I’m a friendly person and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong. I don’t have family nearby and I’m just feeling very very down. I’m lucky to have my lovely husband and our little boy but just feel very isolated and lonely and like I have no one to talk to ever.

Where are your friends from before? They don’t have to just be “mum friends”

Try volunteering to help run the clubs, do the teas etc. friendships are made most easily by actively doing things together not just chatting.

m what about organising a little fundraiser eg a sponsored toddle. It will give you a reason to talk to the other Mums.

Don't let your self esteem take a knock because no one spoke to you- did you speak to anyone? I find that going into welcoming hostess mode helps me.

I would keep trying out parent and toddler classses

I felt very much like this. Majority of people here go to groups with their friends so they already had someone to talk to and I would be left alone. I didn't have any local friends who had children a similar age so I was never able to do that. I got to a point where I stopped going to the groups because sitting there in silence while everyone else chatted was worse than just not going out.

But once I went back to work I found myself a bit again. I occasionally socialise with work colleagues, and now my child can be away from me I can catch up with childless friends more now. I hope when she starts school I will meet more parents and have some 'mum friends' but I've come to a place of acceptance for the time being.

Sorry that you are feeling like this. I found organised classes like baby sensory etc were more cliquey, however small, local toddler groups were generally made up of individual mums and had a much friendlier vibe.
Also if you have a local library, I’ve got chatting to mums in there before.
If you have a local Facebook group, I’ve seen people post on there about being new to the area/looking to meet other mums, so could be worth a try.

Thank you for the advice. I’ll try and find a local playgroup and hopefully that’s better.

I found that different groups were so hit and miss depending on who was there and whether it was a structured activity or not.

Keep trying different groups and I also found it helpful (when I was at a 'lonely' group) to remind myself that even if I was getting anything out of it that particular day, DS definitely was so it was still worth going.

I've gotten chatting much more easily to other parents when at nursery children's parties with my older DD, so if your DC goes to nursery I reckon parties will start happening soon and you'll be able to make more connections and start suggesting playdates?

Otherwise I see apps like Peanut and Mush being advertised all the time, not tried them but they're worth a shot?

Also as a PP said I also sometimes see the odd person posting on the local Facebook group saying they're new to the area and looking for people to hang out with etc, they state their age, availability, any DCs etc.. and those posts usually have lots of comments from people in a similar position.

Hope it gets better soon for you!

I didn’t do any groups (not my thing) and didn’t look for “mum” friends. My friends are the same as before DT’s were born. Are you due back at work - good opportunities for seeing friends, team events, work nights out etc.
Do you go to any gym classes in the evenings - when you see the same people each week, chance to chat afterwards and make new friends.

Definitely try some different groups. The stay and play type toddler groups normally have a nice mix of people who don’t know each other and the freer flow style is better suited to striking up conversation than more structured activity groups. Having said that, sometimes I manage to speak to lots of people and other times I don’t manage to talk to anyone because I’m too busy chasing my little boy around, so it might be that there are people happy to chat but just not noticing who is around them because they’re so busy, so don’t be too disheartened if people don’t immediately speak to you. If you go to the same groups for a few weeks you’ll start to see the same faces and may find it easier to strike up conversation.

Hi I'm feeling the same. I have a very unsupportive DH who thinks that him paying the bills/having the baby for an hour in the morning is him doing his 'part' to the point I'm looking at leaving him. Our baby is much wanted after a lengthy time of infertility and then naturally conceiving. I feel isolated due to living near no family and friends. I have one mum friend and my other friends work full time and live 2hrs away or abroad. It is really hard and I'm not enjoying motherhood as I imagined I would be. I love my baby so much it's overwhelming at times but the saying you need a village couldn't ring more true. I long for a whole day in bed or in front of the TV with no cares in the world. I hope it gets easier. I've found a few clubs are the same with mums not wanting to engage because they've got their friends there already. It's such a shame as my baby is so sociable. Hoping it gets better for us

Thanks for your response. I really feel for you. I often think about the ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ quote and think well where’s mine? It’s so hard isn’t it. Hope things get better for you soon❤️