5yo DD wishes to have a different dad

[magicwatercolour]

After watching a video of a dad playing with his kids, my 5 year old DD said she wishes to have a different dad. I froze and I didn't know what to say. I gave her a hug and stupidly started tearing up.

STBXH doesn't call or message and visits once a year. Typical deadbeat dad. He was supposed to visit tomorrow but cancelled. DD is feeling very upset and let down. She went to bed crying.

I'm heartbroken she feels this way and have no idea what to say to comfort her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.#

Also, do I tell him about this?

I think perhaps the main thing for her to know is that it's not her fault, it's just that some people aren't very good at being parents and her dad is one of them? You can let her know it's not nice or fair for children of those parents and it means they often feel let down like she did, but it is never the child's fault.

I might be wrong but, I wouldn't bother telling him. It won't spur him into being a better father, he's clearly just a cunt. I get it, my DD has a deadbeat dad too.

I try and reinforce with her the fact that it's her father's failings, and not hers, as to why he's not in touch with her. I'm not sure this is the right way to go about it but, I never tell her when he's organised to come see her because he lets her down so frequently.

And I always have a back-up plan lined up so that if he does cancel, she and I do something nice together instead.

I'm sorry, OP. It fucking sucks.

Kids say stuff. One day she might say she hates you.

I’d say that some dad’s are good and some not. But that her dad couldn’t come as he’s not well. Then do something fun with her.

I’m not sure why some people are so shit.

Why did you show her a video of him playing with other kids? That sounds like it was bound to trigger a reaction from her.

Oh sorry, I misunderstood!