Emotional 9yo - any suggestions here as I'm struggling!

[Indecisivelurcher]

I've got a very emotional 9yo and I'm struggling on how to support her. I'm hoping for maybe some tips, suggestions, have you thought about xyz...parenting strategies, books to read... Ideas on any of it, how I support, self belief, and how I deal with the moods because omg...

The list is, big emotions, a lot of screaming at us, shouting, crying, these moods last 1 or 2 days, no snapping out of it, and total more than 50% of the time. Low self esteem, not feeling like a good enough person. Lots of you love brother more than me. X is a nicer person than me. Feels like she's losing friends at school. Struggling with some school work. Waiting for dyslexia assessment. Not wanting to grow up. Getting upset about clothes because they are too grown up or 'not like me'. Low energy, she's had a run of viruses. Doesn't eat much meat (iron?) Issues with sleep since forever.

Perhaps this is just a stage. Perhaps hormones?

Sounds ND.

My Dd was similar at that age.

Low energy will be burnout/overwhelm related.

Agree with PP. I would be looking into private ASD/ADHD assessment.

Inform school because they might not be aware of her struggles.

I'm not ruling that possibility out but I've not read about anything that sounds like a good fit. Also writing everything down like that makes things seem 'more' somehow and actually I'm not sure if I'm making things into too big of a deal.

Sounds like my DD who we are progressing an ADHD referral with.
Try reading how not to murder your ADHD kid and see if anything rings a bell. I also saw the explosive child recommended on here and will be my next book to read

Doesnt sound like ND to me.

We’ve had similar but no suspicion of neurodiversity. What has helped hugely is books from the library on growing up and emotions, eating more red meat and having a daily multivitamin (huge difference), and getting enough sleep. Oh and finding an extracurricular activity that she loves and can take pride in.

Honestly the red meat thing was weird as she had a very good diet but it made a big difference to her energy levels.

@RedChester I've suffered from low ferritin myself and know the effect it can have!!! It was awful. My Dd won't eat any red meat and barely any meat at all.

Have a read about a condition called PANS PANDAS see if the symptoms of those seem to fit. It’s an illness that’s triggered by illness so it would fit with her string of viruses.

Although I included shouting and moods, it's not like tantrums. There is more of the strops and sulks then crying and not feeling good enough.

What DOES it sound like to you then?

Feel like this is a bit of an unhelpful comment for OP.

OP your daughter sounds very much like my DS of a similar age who we are currently progressing through an ADHD referral for. May not be the case for your daughter, could be anxiety or hormonal, or something else, but definitely something to bring up with the school to see if they've noticed this and potentially with your GP also.

I have done a bit of reading about adhd before and it doesn't sound to me like Dd but that's just based on Google and what I've learnt from adhd cousin.

But I'll go back to the idea.

Sounds like my dd, 10 who is being assessed for ASC.

Remember, all the research was done on boys for both ADHD and ASC, you need to look for how girls present specifically as it's often very different.

I could have written your post 6 months ago.

DD is reading books around girls with ASC (understand if you don't want to introduce that) and she feels much better in herself as she doesn't feel so 'weird' anymore.

I would recommend books about growing up, hormones etc while you figure out how you want to go. Also speak to school.

OP, there’s no harm in an assessment if you’d like to get to the bottom of why your DD is struggling. NHS/CAMHS waiting lists are years long, so it would need to be a private assessment if you’re keen to find out quickly.

My friend is struggling with her DD, whose behaviour is fairly comprehensively outside the norm for a 9 year old. She is so cross with her DD all the time, but can’t see that this means she needs extra help and support. Nobody ever wishes they hadn’t got these things checked out, there is usually something underlying it all.

(I’m an SEND parent and teacher).

Any changes that have happened recently. Sounds v similar to mine who went through a phase of several months like this after a change in family circumstances that we underestimated the impact of on her. She was all at sea emotionally, very dysregulated, but she’s managing a lot better now.

I've looked up adhd, autism and audhd in girls not very long ago, and it's not obviously a route to go down. Not ruling it out but with assessments costing so much you want something more to go on, ideally.

Do you have ND girls?

Have you read this op?

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

I've been trying to think of the right way to describe the stroppiness, and I'm going to go with passive aggressive. Can never let anything drop.

Persistent?

Thank you @ArseInTheCoOpWindow it's really useful to have the lists in there. I could pick a few other things like repetitive TV, hugely attached to cuddly toys and dolls, bites fingers and nails constantly. But over all I wouldn't tick all that many things. I am not ruling it out, but I don't think anyone else would see anything there right now or any screening. If there is anything there then it may take more time to become more apparent. Or it might be that there's nothing there to diagnose but she's still a challenge.

I need to say something to my husband about this without him thinking I'm mad...