Inconsistent baby dad. Wanting to cut it off

[LD233]

So I have a 6 month old son. Me and ex split when I was pregnant (he left me for his ex and got back with her ) I had a horrendous pregnancy with her and him both sending me abuse and her antagonising me until the point where I almost miscarried.
For the last 6 months I've tried my hardest to coparent with him but I am at the end of my tether. He doesn't make effort. He used to alway let our son down and not turn up. The last 2 momths he's been abit more consistent but still doesn't make enough effort. He hasn't seen his son in 2 weeks and was going ti have him this weekend for a night. He's just told me that he's sending our son to his sisters to babysit whilst he goes out with his girlfriend and her kids for the day. He's done this before too. He never asks about our son or calls or texts to check on him and treats hin asif he doesn't exist in the weeks. He puts her children and his gf before our son and always has. He makes plans with them but never with our son. He treats my son like he's the other child and a chore to have him. He's booked a 2 week holiday abroad with them but never has booked any time off work to spend quality time with our son and even now he's palming him off to do stuff with his gf and her kids (one of her kids is his son). I don't want my son growing up thinking his dad doesn't care and feeling like 2nd best. It really hurts me seeing how differently our son is being treated already and how much he priorities his gf and her children over our baby. It's like he just doesn't care. I am so fed up of begging him to make more effort and put our baby first. He's not on the BC for various reasons but I feel like cutting it all off and raising him alone. Like I have been doing as he hasn't barely helped or shown alot of interest. He keeps threatening court and always does. I just feel like cutting it off and letting him apply to court because I'm so tired of jt. My son deserves a parent who puts him first and not other children he deserves to be treated equally to his other child and his step child. Especially to his gf. All i want is for him to make effort but he doesn't. It breaks my heart thinking this is going to affect my son. He completely favours the other 2 children and I can't take anymore of it

He also sees these children and her everyday. So why doesn't he make time for our child and spend time with him

Is he on the birth certificate?

Are you getting CMS?

Sorry just realised you said he's not on the Bc. Are the other two kids his?

To be honest it sounds like a lucky escape. Cut your losses and move on.

One of them is his the other one isn't. But he priorities them and looks like he always will

Stop trying to get him involved. I wouldn’t advocate overnights away at 6 months as he barely sees him anyway. As if he’ll take you to court. I’d claim maintenance if he’s working and stop contacting him.

Time to put your big girl pants on and as much as you can, cut him off.

If he’s not interested in prioritising your son there’s really nothing you can do about it. So, bite the bullet and simply stop looking for anything from him. That way when he does want contact it’s a bonus.

You go not have as crystal ball but maybe when your baby is older, he will be more interested but for now, concentrate on yourself and your little one. Build the best life you can without baby’s father because anything else is a waste of time.

So is his child with gf older or younger than yours? It is more feasible for him to holiday with them and your ds is hardly missing out. I'm not sure you really want him to take your son for "quality time" at six months but he should spend the time he does have him with him, not at his sister's, although you cannot control that. Let him go to court, he is unlikely to bother or get more.

Luckily your son is too tiny to know he is letting him down. He has another child he lives with and it will always be the case that child will have his attention and your son the visiting child. Not in a nasty way but just the way it is.

Unfortunately you sound like you are jealous that he is in a relationship with someone else and not separating the two issues .

I would work on the basis he is not choosing to co parent and try not to force the issue unless you want ex to have him so you get a break yourself. If not let him come to you when he does want to have him and then decide if you want that

His son with her is older. I know that, it's the fact he let's our son down and doesn't see him often and this weekend was due to see him after not seeing him for 2 weeks ir even asking how he is and he's saying he's taking him to his sisters for her ti babysit him

So don't let him? Did he get back with gf when you were pg? Dod they ever really break up? His priorities are clear, however hurt you are.

If you want to get him out of your life just stop facilitating contact. Let him make the effort.
Your son is only 6 months, he won't feel let down, he barely knows him.

You need to stop making all effort. Just concentrate on you and your child and forget facilitating. He doesn't make it work then that's on him.

Yes he got back with her. We was together a while before I was pregnant they split a while before it they were going through court for child custody she stopped him seeing her child and then when court finished they got back together

OP are you looking for him to father your child or something else?

Because what he does with his current girlfriend and there children is hardly your business.

You knew things weren't right and you chose to not put him on the birth certificate for that reason.

So walk away and out in a CMSclaim. If he really wants to be a father then he can take you to court. I suspect you'll find he won't.

I really do not want something else. Its none of my business yes however when he has my son he shouldn't be dumping him on his sister especially at 6 months old and when he doesn't see him often. Aswell as the let downs and constant favouring of the other children. It hurts me for my childs sake.

You're absolutely right. He isn't set up to be a father to this child, and nor does he want to be.

So walk away and save yourself and your son years of heartache. He won't change.

Well, I wouldn't be handing him over at the weekend for him to babysat by his aunt for a start. Why should you sacrifice time with your son, and it's not in the best interests of your 6mo to spend overnights without a parent unless it's needed

I wouldn't be chasing him to see the child, I'd let him make all the contact. I'd say to him that he's not taking the child to leave with his sister so he can collect him when he wants to spend time with him. Let him take you to court. It's best to get it all documented. Next time he threatens you with court I'd reply with I really wish you would so we can get it all set out in writing and you can stop being such a flake.

Also if he does do the court route. I'd request right of first refusal when others need to look after child. That means he has to ask you if you want child before anyone else. Then you can properly document each time he does this and show how little he really parents

Next time he threatens you with Court just send a text back saying something like yes, "I agree, I think it will be in everyone's best interests if we get the arrangements formalised through the Court".

And if he's not on the BC and there's no Child Arrangements Order in place you don't have to hand him over for overnights, especially if you're not happy with where he will be looked after.

Lots of MNers have said to apply for CMS, if you haven't already, I would really recommend doing this. Are you worried about applying for any reason?

I'd also recommend blocking him, his DP and his family from all social media.

Send him a text saying that you're happy to let him see DS but in the future you'd like all arrangements and discussions through an email address.

Set up a new email address, give it to him only and only check it once a week and block him and her from everything else.

That way you will get some headspace from them but you're giving him a way to communicate with you about your DS.

Unfortunately though, you can't make him want to see his DS.

Your ds needs you and only you.. A decent df would be nice..
Sadly he hasn't got one... Tell him his dsis won't be babysitting.. Ds stays with you. End of. Leave him to it op. But likely the reasons they split still stand and he will come crawling back. Tell him to do one. Your ds doesn't need a flakey fuckwit for a df...