18 month old wakes up most nights. How do we get back to sleeping through?

[Givemepickles]

My baby slept through from 6 months old and was a reliable 10 - 12 hours each night. This lasted until about 13 months old when he started nursery last year and got all the usual bugs which started disrupting his sleep. He sometimes didn't eat in the day because he was ill so needed milk at night instead. About a month ago we managed to get him off milk in the middle of the night BUT he now only calms down by coming into the bed. He usually takes about 45 mins to an hour to fall back to sleep. DH takes him into the spare room each night which means DH and I can't sleep in a room together. DH is now quite tired of course. We need to get our DS back to sleeping through at night before new baby arrives in June.

We don't think he's hungry. He wakes at totally random times, as early as midnight or as late as 5am and all times in between. He sometime needs a nappy change as he's wet through but often not. He goes to sleep around 7pm each night. He's got more clingy recently with bedtime but after a few stories and milk will usually happily send himself to sleep.

He goes to nursery 3 days a week. He naps around 1 - 1.5 hrs at nursery at some point in the afternoon. Usually naps 2.5 - 3 hours at home on non nursery days. Can't find any pattern to how this affects his night sleep.

Anyone had similar? Anything I can try? We did ferber at 6 months and he slept through by night 2. He has been on a feeding and napping routine since birth so likes routine and thrived on it but it's not working now. To be clear, he's never been left to cry or CIO. He's just always had a reliable routine and encouragement to feed and sleep at set times. He's never co-slept before now so this is all new to us and we did it out of exhaustion because he was still awake for an hour or 2 each night.

Bump

At the risk of looking desperate, can anyone help? I actually am desperate. DS was awake for 3 hours last night and continually removed his sleeping bag and pyjamas. Has no one else been through this who can advise?

Is there a reason he's in a sleeping bag still? Surely he's old enough for a duvet and pillow at that age? Could it be discomfort?

Teething/back teeth coming through?

Is he napping during the day? Could you drop this?

Later bed time?

Growth spurt could also be a possibility.

Solidarity from us, we have a similar situation with our 19 month old but haven’t found a solution yet. Her sleep was brilliant until she went to nursery at 12 months but with the illnesses and teething she hardly ever sleeps through. We even had 2 weeks without illness and she’s still not sleeping although she’s sick again now. Also interested to hear from others who have experienced a similar problem.

I don’t see anything wrong with still using a sleeping bag. Mine is all over the place at night and would just throw a duvet off or get tangled up in it.

There's nothing "wrong" with using a sleeping bag, but they don't need to and if he's continuing to try and take his sleeping bag off as per the OP then maybe he's uncomfortable in it. Some kids like to stretch out.

I'm willing to try anything. I thought he was too young for a duvet. I can't imagine him staying under it at all or even understanding it'll keep him warm. For example, this morning I found him sleeping naked in his cot next to his snuggly blanket. He uses that for comfort but doesn't try to get under it. Do you have advice for how to introduce a duvet?

The sleeping bag and other behaviours start after a while of being awake. I don't think they cause the waking. I think he wants to play/get attention or is bored and frustrated so starts doing things like that.

I'm testing moving his bedtime later to 7.30pm. Last night was the first night.

He does still nap yes and would be extremely young to drop that. He naps after lunch for between 1 - 3 hours depending on the day. I am starting to make this set times of 12.30 - 2.30pm to see if that helps combined with new bedtime.

Thank you and sympathies from me to you too! It sounds very similar to our situation. It now doesn't matter if he's well or not, he will wake every night. It also started due to nursery illnesses and has been going on about 5 months. He's been surprisingly well so far this year and his sleep is worse, if anything.

I definitely wouldn’t change him from sleeping bag to duvet, mine were still in theirs to about 2.5. He’ll just be cold.

i would re-ferber him tbh. Taking him out of his cot is gonna confuse him - he starts the night in his cot then ends up somewhere else, it’s mixed messages.

Turn his sleeping bag around so the zip is on the back and he can’t undo it

We had a very similar situation with my daughter, she will be 3 in July. When she was transitioning to less naps we found that the first few weeks of this caused difficult night times. Standard sleep regressions. We lost the plot and there was a lot of co sleeping. We did a gradual retreat method. This meant that if there were any night wake ups we had to resume the spot we left her in at bedtime. Even if it were at 3am. And this too could take up to an hour. If she cried I lay her back down to reassure her and calm her and resume my position. if she wasn't crying and just standing up in her cot I would just sit in the spot and wait..it was hard but it didn't take long and she soon learnt I wasn't going to get her out of her cot. X

My daughter has a duvet from around 18 months and was absolutely fine. Appreciate people says theirs were in them longer but the OP sounds pretty desperate and I don't think it's worth snubbing the idea of trying something new. Especially as he's stripping out of the sleeping bag and PJ's, he might be feeling warm. NHS advice is no duvet before 12 months.

In terms of naps, 3 hours feels quite long for 18 months, but maybe mine was just different. I wouldn't be dropping the 1 hour naps, but it might be worth seeing if the longer ones can be cut short. Combined with a slightly later bedtime he might be more tired.

Thank you I'll look into the retreat method
I haven't heard of that. Could I ask what you did about night time nappy changes if that applied? DS drinks a lot of milk before bed, he's a very big baby, 99 percentile so has always needed lots of milk. He will absolutely not go to sleep without his full amount regardless of food in the day. This means he sometimes needs a nappy change at night. But this would confuse the rule about not taking him out of the cot. What did you do in this scenario?

Thanks that's good advice. Have just bought sleeping bags with no shoulder poppers so will try them ASAP.

Looking back, I think what happened is I first sleep trained while I was on mat leave and had all the time in the world to dedicate to him at night and nap myself during the day. Now we've felt much more pressure to get him to sleep because we're both so focused on having to work the next day, plus I'm pregnant so extra tired. I think this is where we've gone wrong and chosen the easy option each night. Lots of food for thought here.

We switched my daughter to blankets and PJ's at 18 months when she started to escape the sleeping bags and sleepsuits. For us it was summer so we just kept covering her with a cellular blanket. Her in PJ's without a blanket was better than her in just a nappy!
She's 3 now and is in a phase of refusing to be covered at night. She has a t shirt and PJ's and socks on at night and she has a heated blanket under her sheet and we have a little electric heater than it is on and off through the night to keep her room at a constant ISH temperature and without making the house too hot for us to sleep. I had some success last night with putting half of her duvet over the side for the bed like a tent so it wasn't touching her. She does have terrible sleep but this is due to reflux and allergies so probably not relevant here.