Hi All, not sure what my outcome here is i guess looking for thoughts or comments... a bit of background on me, I am an only child to two divorced parents in their 70's. Married with little one due later this year. my husband comes from very close family who are all amazing i adore my MIL and PIL.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother who until about two years ago denied she was an alcholic (im 35 now) for example when i was at school in south london i got exposed by an older man when i was 10 years old. the school called her to come get me and she was too trashed, when i walked home by myself she didnt offer me any consolation she was just drunk on the sofa with her friends. She always was drink driving with me (shes had her licence taken away from her three times and been in trouble with police, this was in my later 20's) id come home to her usually playing loud music telling me she would probably die tomorrow (for no reason other than being drunk) etc. She does a "single parent" to everyone which kills me as it just isnt what it seems. There have been too many circumstances to mention. Thoroughout life she would be nasty about my only consistent support - my dad has told me how awful he is and unless i got money from him she would say "well ill have to let your room out then" (for reference i begged my dad to send me to boarding school when i was 13 so i didnt have to endure it and when i came home on weekends this is where i had to pay) This makes her sound awful, and she was however when she is sober (as she is now for three years) she is actually a very kind person and has lots of friends that adore her. ive also supported her financially in the past but thats not the issue.
naturally i have never gone to her for anything or advice, but shes always been my mum ive supported her. She is now sober and is so excited to be a granny. I keep my boundaries with her from only seeing her once for a couple hours ever other week as thats all i can take (she also is very anxious and if your alone with her she dumps all her problems around finances and health on me) my concern is that she keep making comments about how excited she is about the baby and how much time shes going to spend helping me and what she wants to teach and show baby, truth be told i dont want her around me more than what i can take and on top of all our past we are just SUCH different people i dont really enjoy her company at all either. I have my inlaws, tons of friends and husband for "help" and the thought of me spending more time with her makes me feel so uncomfortable. How do i manage this? sorry how long this is!