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Parenting

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Original poster

How do i cope with my friends abusive son.

30 replies

Redlarge · 13/02/2024 22:27

My friends son is 10. He literally stares her down until she agrees to his every whim. Or has a huge attitute if he doesnt get money spewed at him eg. After a day out at the park, meal out he went ape shit about wanting to go bowking at 8pm. She was desperate to persuad us to go as if she was scared of his reaction. He was kickingher chair in the car and staring at her.. I said no. He stared her down and ignored her the whole drive home.
She has to ask him the same question a minumum of 5 times before he will reply and he rolls his eyes and taps in an intimidating manner with his rage at being asked a basic question like what food would you like.
We were recently in a restaurant and he insisted on cake first then wasted a £15 meal after becuse he wasnt hungry. She hasnt got the money for this.
Another time we were out in a restaurant and he kept leaning over the table and grabbing food from my plate. I told him to stop and she just said oh let him have a chip.
I am getting to the point where i dont want to socialise with him

But i love them both. I dont want to parent her kid but i also don't want my kids to see this shitty behavior.

OP posts:

Original poster

Redlarge · 14/02/2024 20:05

PiggieWig · 14/02/2024 19:59

It sounds like potentially learned behaviour and I’d be gently supporting your friend, but if you see her son acting this way towards her then yes, I’d tell him that isn’t acceptable and you won’t be doing whatever you’re doing if he carries on.

Thank you piggie, i will. They have just text asking to go out for the day tomorrow as its half term. I just said no we have other plans. My son didnt seem that bothered tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

Redlarge · 14/02/2024 20:10

Lavender14 · 14/02/2024 20:05

Op what you're describing are all red flags of domestic abuse in that home. Her ds is learning that behaviour from someone and it sounds like from his dad. Often abusive parents weaponise their children in order to control their partner. I would ask her directly to be honest, I'd say you can see she's really trying to hold boundaries with him and in those moments when he's pushing back you often wonder if it would be helpful to her if you backed her up or if she prefers you just let her deal with it. I'd tell her you want to be supportive towards her but you don't want to overstep and then let her make that call. I personally would try to see her as much as possible even if that means with him because from your posts my guess is her husband is abusive.

Oh sorry. The parents aren't together. They live apart but do spend a lot of time together. But yes i wondered that... if the boy watches how mum is controlled or shut down by dad and copies. Sounds like it doesn't it.

OP posts:

hiredandsqueak · 14/02/2024 20:14

OP there was no domestic abuse in df's home her husband was pretty ineffectual but any time he tried to address his son's behaviour df overruled him. Her son was the little prince and they all bowed down to him father included.

Original poster

Redlarge · 14/02/2024 20:20

hiredandsqueak · 14/02/2024 20:14

This boy is very often referred to as 'the baby' or 'my favourite'

OP posts:

hiredandsqueak · 14/02/2024 20:31

Redlarge · 14/02/2024 20:20

This boy is very often referred to as 'the baby' or 'my favourite'

Show quote history

He was the only boy ,he had three sisters, it was very obvious he was number one.

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