How to do toddler and baby bedtime??

[Coffeeandcakeplz]

I have a just turned 2yo and 3mo and am really struggling with bedtime and naptime. Previously 3mo would be awake and playing while I put toddler to bed but now his bedtime and naptime has become the same as hers as he's gotten a little older.

Baby screams if not held and gets overtired. He's EBF and likes to fall asleep feeding. My 2yo needs rocking to sleep and can't settle herself. We have tried everything and are slowly trying to nudge her to self settle but she has a complex medical history (major surgery + medication that affects sleep) so it's tricky.

Just wondering how people juggle two little ones and their bedtimes when alone and also how to manage if the eldest can't just be put into a cot drowsy? Any practical tips or suggestions?

Not quite the same situation. But I have 18 month old twins whom can't self soothe to sleep and then a 4 year. If I'm on my own. My 4 year old will stay downstairs to watch tv or help me with the twins to get them to sleep.

Either my husband or I settle the twins on own each night. Initially they needed to be rocked to sleep but we have progressed now to just needing to be in the room. W did thia by having a mattress on the floor in their room and I will sit on the bed with a twin lay either side with a bottle of milk. Then once they have finished the milk I used to lie one on each leg and rock both together. We then progressed to Iying down in between the twins cuddling both, then progressed to rubbing chests, then to holding their hands. Now just being in the room is enough.

So I all of above they will fall asleep on the mattress. I will leave them there asleep on the floor. And if on my own go and put the 4 year old to bed. Then afterwards when the twins are deep asleep transfer to the cot. I am now able to sometimes put 1 twin in her cot to self soothe if I stay in the room. So we are progressing their ability to self soothe. The next battle is to get them to self soothe in the cot with me sitting next to it (1 of the girls will sometimes do this).

Hope this makes sense and has something you could try

@Donimo thank you for sharing, that's really helpful. Sometimes I feel like I'll never make progress with my 2yo putting herself to sleep so hearing you're getting there with 2 gives me hope 🙂

Sling you can feed baby in whilst rocking 2yo?

Have 3 month old in sling. Wait until 2 year old is settled in bed (ie story read, lights out etc) then stay in their bed, feed baby then rock 2 year old while you hold baby/back in sling/ baby cuddled into your side etc.

Or feed baby while you read story and then similar.

My older ones couldn't be left until they were 3 and I got a yoto, I wished I'd tried it a bit younger.

If you're doing it alone a lot I'd get a queen/double bed for your 2 year old so it's a lot more comfy for everyone.

I used to lay in bed holding the toddler by one side and baby on the boob by the other. Is this a possibility?

I feel you! I am in the same boat. Nearly 2yo, 3 month old and a 4yo. If Im alone to put everyone to bed, I basically put the baby on my boob, try to pat and comfort the 2 year old as best as I can. Sometimes I put the baby down for amoment (he often cries when I do) just to give the toddler a hug and cuddles. He used To always fall asleep in my arms cuddling but the truth is, I cant do that. We are learning this New way of going To sleep. The first Weeks I really struggled and ended up 1 handed wrestling toddler whilst holding baby. Im glad 4 year old is good at bedtime, just want his story and lullabies and hes golden. Im trusting the process and Hope we manage. Last weekish or so toddler is not wrestling anymore, every nights just a bit easier. I do contort myself, breasfeeding and comforting the toddler. I Hope you find your way, I think it just gets easier when you work on it. Good luck xx

Balancing bedtime and naptime with a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old can be really challenging, especially when both need you at the same time. Here are a few ideas that might help you manage both kids:
First, try to stagger their bedtimes slightly if you can. Even if their bedtimes are close, a small gap might give you enough time to settle one before moving on to the other. For example, you could start the bedtime routine with your toddler while the baby is still relatively content, perhaps after a feeding. Then, if possible, feed the baby to sleep or at least calm them down before focusing on your toddler.
If your 3-month-old likes to be held or fed to sleep, consider using a baby carrier while you put your toddler to bed. This way, your baby is close and comforted while you can still tend to your toddler. If your baby can be put down for a short period, you might try getting your toddler settled first, and then come back to finish putting the baby to sleep.
For your toddler who needs rocking, consider gradually transitioning to a gentler method over time. If she's not ready to self-settle, can you transition from rocking to just sitting by her bed and holding her hand? It's a gradual process, but small changes might help her learn to settle more independently over time.
If both kids are upset at the same time, it’s okay to triage the situation. Prioritize whoever is most distressed or can be settled the quickest. Sometimes this means letting one cry for a short time while you attend to the other. It’s tough, but it’s also okay.
You might also consider creating a calming bedtime routine that both can enjoy together, like reading books or singing a lullaby. This shared time might help your toddler feel more secure and reduce her need for rocking.
Finally, don’t hesitate to lean on any support you have, whether it’s a partner, family member, or even a friend who can step in occasionally to help with bedtime.

Do whatver you can do stagger the bedtimes. I know its really tough when awake Windows are short. I found it easiest to have baby asleep in the sling first whenever possible - when DC4 was born my twins still needed a lot of support to get to sleep, so I know it's a tough juggling act. One twin surprised me - he really liked me to lie down on his bed and feed the baby with him sort of spooning behind her. He'd stroke my face and whisper to "our baby".

As DC4 has become older (9 months now) I've kept her bedtime later than the boys. I aim for her to have a nap not long before their bedtime, then I givee her a snack just before their routine. There are toys for her in the boys' bedroom that are only for while I'm reading their stories. I get them settled while she plays on the floor. Then I take her downstairs and waift a bit before she goes to bed.

Do you have anyone to hold baby in a sling while you do bedtime?

Shamelessly placemarking for ideas as I still haven't cracked this - I have a 3yr old and 4month old (who hates the sling) and any bedtime I have to do on my own is a complete shitshow 😫